Woman tells BF he's 'too weak' to vacation with her, says 'he can't even drink water.' AITA?
My BF wants to come on a physically demanding vacation that I know he can't handle.
urgirlfriendsgf writes:
I had planned a physically extensive vacation (horseback riding through the mountains for 10 days) prior to entering a relationship with a guy who has a bad knee and a bunch of GI issues, including being an extremely picky eater and unable to drink plain water.
When I told him about the trip, he immediately asked if he could come and if there was space on the excursion. He was really excited that something like that exists. He used to ride horses when he was a kid.
When I pointed out that he would be on horseback for literally 10 days, hasn't even ridden a horse in 12+ years, will have to eat whatever food they provide, and sleep in a rough campsite on top of all these health issues, he said he would just bear it.
I told him he should research the trip and maybe go ride a horse locally somewhere. He had no interest in that and instead went to Boot Barn and started buying cowboy clothing.
His knee issues are significant. If something happened, he could really injure himself further, and he is on State health insurance, which isn't great care. He kept talking like he really could do this trip. He cannot even walk more than a mile or two and cannot go hiking.
How could he possibly ride on horseback through the mountains for 10 days? I literally turn into his medical assistant for physical work and his GI issues. His lack of concern and inability to think realistically struck me.
If I go even a year without riding a horse (even just 6 months...), then I am in serious pain after 2 hours of riding. This would be 10 whole days. Not to mention the GI issues. He has sporadic GI issues that cripple him for hours.
So the thought of 10 days of me having to worry about him, likely have to help him out a lot, and the real risk that he may not be able to even finish the trip at all had me really start to dread the trip.
I ended up having to tell him that I really want to do this trip solo, as I originally planned it. I am a professional rider, and I want to get the most out of this trip. He's mad at me and will not acknowledge his physical impairments...AITA?
Here are the top comments from the post:
medium_buffalo_wings says:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). If you don't think he can do it then you don't think he can do it. But... Like..."unable to drink plain water." Is that even a thing?
HelicopterPeniHover says:
NTA. Take him riding for 1 day with somewhere that provides a lunch. If he's everything you say, that alone will be miserable for him. It won't be a huge investment to prove your point.
dishonestgandalf says:
Anyway, definitely NTA. He's in denial. Sh%$ty (hah, pun) situation, but you are not being unreasonable. I don't have any good advice, it's gonna be really hard for him to admit he can't do what he used to – but you're 100% right that it will be way worse for everyone if he realizes that while on the trip. Good luck.
Crazy_Past6259 says:
Is this why I’m perpetually single? It sounds painful for both of you. Are there exit points during the ride? Maybe he can join in the beginning when it’s not so bad and leave when it’s getting tough on him?
Since no plain water, will muddy water strained through someone’s underwear and boiled be acceptable? (Just watched bear grilles and have been traumatised).
extinct_diplodocus says:
NTA. I've known about spoiled trips that are physically demanding. One person who's not in good shape, even without your bf's food and medical problems, can turn the trip into a nightmare. The person's partner spends all their time trying to help the partner.
Meanwhile, the trip is ruined for everybody else, since this person can't keep up the planned pace and can't simply be left behind in the wilderness. Don't do this to your bf; don't do this to your friends; don't do this to yourself.
OP provided and update:
In regards to the water thing. He is physically able to drink water, but he says it worsens his heartburn and that's why he needs to drink soda, chocolate milk, and flavored water. He also cannot eat normally. I have only ever seen him eat: chicken fingers, plain cheeseburger (just bun + patty), mildly spiced Thai curry, pizza, Kraft Mac and cheese, and other packaged foods. He says he cannot eat vegetables.
I have never seen him eat a vegetable with the exception of the ones in the Thai curry. This alone is almost reason for me to not want to go with him. They dont have a kids menu. There will be a chef making food and you dont get to make requests.
What do you think? Is OP right to not let her BF come on the trip?