Man tells off brother for treating his son like a 'monster' for not being his stepmom's 'emotional support animal.'

My brother treats his son like a monster because his son won't emotionally support his stepmom.

Lonely_Commercial_37 writes:

My nephew, Greyson, is 15 years old. When he was 8, his mom and unborn sister passed away after she had a placental abruption. Grey was in the car with his parents at the time, and he watched his mom die. My brother, Ken, also watched his wife die. It was incredibly traumatic for both of them.

Ken fell apart, and so did Grey, but Ken focused more on his own grief and healing than he did on Grey's. Ken ignored Grey's grief further when he decided, 18 months later, that he was ready to date again. Ken met his second wife, Vera, when Grey was 10, and they got married 5 months into their relationship.

Vera told Grey that she would do everything she could to be a good mom to him and fill the shoes his mom left better than anyone could. She "joked" more than once that she might even be better than his "old mom".

That, along with Grey feeling like Ken was replacing his mom and doing everything too fast, meant Grey never liked or bonded with Vera. She has tried very hard to get close to him, but he's not interested.

I tried talking to Ken about getting Grey help and talking to a therapist himself. My parents always assure Ken that Grey will come around in time.

A little over a year ago, Ken and Vera's son was stillborn due to a fatal fetal abnormality that ran in Vera's family, of which she was not aware. She ended up needing a c-section because of complications, and afterward, she was no longer able to have more children.

Grey did not have much of a reaction to the loss. He was open with me that he really didn't feel any grief despite everyone expecting him to. To him, he lost no sibling when his half-brother was stillborn. He was never excited for him or considered him anything more than his dad's baby with someone.

But everyone has expected it, and even our parents told Ken that Grey would fall apart in time. During all this, Vera has wanted Grey to be there for her, comfort her, and be her son despite him never wanting to be that to her.

Recently, Vera made a greater effort to try and get Grey to be there and comfort her. She confronted him and told him she needed him to be more caring. This happened in front of my parents and my family. She told him she feels like he doesn't care, that he can't even support his family.

He told her she is not his family and he won't ever be there to support her. Ken jumped in and said it's like he doesn't care, and that's sick. He then went on a rant about how Grey should be so much more concerned and loving toward Vera, and he called him a monster for refusing to be there for her after the worst loss of her life.

I told Ken that he shouldn't talk to Grey that way. I told him Grey is not a monster for refusing to be Vera's emotional support dog, and that he expected way too much given the very sour and complicated relationship that was already there.

My parents and Ken thought I was horrifically wrong for stepping in. Grey thanked me and told me Ken doesn't get that he views him as a cold monster and that he's ashamed of him. AITA?

Here are some of the top comments:

mollydyer says:

All I needed to hear was: "Grey thanked me and he told me Ken doesn't get that he views him as a cold monster and that he's ashamed of him."

NTA (Not the A%#hole). Grey is going to need a lot of counselling tho, and if you can help facilitate that, you'd also be a hero in my eyes. This is a very messed up situation for sure.

ClassyCrafter says:

Literally the only opinion here that matters. OP should give Grey a key to their place and set up an uber account with enough money to get there in case Dad and step mom kick them out or Grey just needs to leave for a bit. Glad Grey has OP in their life.

atealein says:

NTA. Our reaction to things are often scaled by our worst and best experiences. Losing his half-brother is still not the worst that has happened to him. He lost his sister and his mom.

Also, your brother and his wife are definitely a^#holes. Your nephew will probably need your support to know he has alternative to where to live or who to associate with once he is adult and can get away from them.

Silver_Struggle_8115 says:

NTA. That boy watched his mom leave him at an age old enough to remember how much he loved her. I would say over a year is a reasonable time to start dating, but to marry her 5 MONTHS in, is absolutely insane to me.

Then for Vera to call herself his mom and even daring to joke that she's better than his "old mom" is even more messed up. Having a stillborn is extremely heartbreaking, however, after the sh%t she's talked? God don't like ugly, boo boo.

General_Relative2838 says:

NTA. I’m just sorry your brother and parents didn’t take what you said to heart. Grey may have viewed Vera’s child as one more usurper of his father’s affection, but who knows? Your brother has never tried to address his grief and horror over losing his mother.

I think it’s important that you said what Grey needed to hear—that someone understands and cares about HIS pain and loss. Your parents, brother, and Vera may be upset at you, but so what? They have each other. Grey needs someone to understand his grief and to stand up for him. You’ve now publicly established that you are that person.

What do you think? Is OP right to defend Grey?