'AITA for telling my girlfriend I won’t propose again and next time it has to be her?'
"AITA for telling my girlfriend I won’t propose again and next time it has to be her?"
I 28M have been with my gf Lauren 27F since I was 20 and she was 19 so 8 years. Around a year ago I asked her about the idea of marriage and getting engaged as I asked her around the 5 year mark and she said she did but wanted to wait another few years. That was fine with me and I had assumed that 3 years was considered a ‘few years’
I knew for a fact that my gf did not want a diamond ring because when my sister got engaged she said that the ring was lovely but she much preferred things like opal (her favourite) and would never choose a diamond ring.
The ring I got was a gold band, a large oval opal stone centered and smaller diamonds on the side just because I’m a sucker for tradition and she doesn’t dislike diamonds she just prefers other stones.
I proposed on our holiday to Italy. We had been to Florence and we got a train to Rome and I proposed at a rooftop restaurant that overlooks the Colosseum at sunset and when I popped the question, she said no.
When we got to our hotel room she said she loved me and the ring and did want to marry me but that it was ‘too soon’ and she wanted to wait a little longer but to be honest it seems like she won’t ever be ready if after 8 years she still wants to wait it seems to me like she will ‘want to wait a while’ forever.
I told her if she is saying no that’s fine but that I won’t be asking a second time. She asked what I meant and I said that I put a lot of thought and money into this as I payed for the restaurant and the rest of the trip and that when she’s ready she can propose to me and make it as special as I did because I’m not going to wait for her to tell me she’s ready and have me plan another proposal so it’s on her now
She called me ridiculous and said it’s not her job to propose and I just said ‘well it is now I already did it.
The thing is I know this is probably the end of things between us because if after this long she isn’t ready to settle down then I don’t think we are meant to be anymore. I love her more than anything but I won’t keep chasing someone who is always reserved AITA
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA Make peace with limbo, or move on. I think in this situation, there's nothing wrong with saying "ball's in your court, you can propose to me when you're ready". The alternative is getting that crystal ball charged up. Sunk cost fallacy, something something.
She’s telling him how she feels about him, he just needs to listen. He needs to move on, he’s too young for this s^%$.
Now watch her have an "oh s*&^ moment" when he isn't ok and decides to walk away. She'll start making excuses and get all of her and his family and friends involved to give her another chance. The "it's not my 'job' to propose" is kind of telling too.
NTA. You did something very special that many people dream of. You deserve to be with someone that wants to make a commitment to you. Like you said, you know what you need to do. Good luck OP.
I'd end it, she clearly doesn't want to take the next step with you for some reason. It may be time to move on.