'AITA for forcing my entitled daughter and her bratty kid work in my restaurant as payment for ruining their own lives?' UPDATE.

"Is it wrong to force my grandchild to work in my restaurant to earn her fair share?"

ThrowRA-lolalily writes:

So, I (60F) am a mother of three children: Betty (40F), Ethan (36M), and Cindy (30F). I got married at 18 and was a stay-at-home mom for a really long time. After that, my husband and I started a small restaurant together, which over the years flourished well.

All my children got good jobs and settled well in their lives. My eldest daughter, Betty, however, had her first child, Nora (17F), when she was 23 and decided to be a stay-at-home mom. I wasn't very happy about her choice, but it was her life, so I let it be, especially since my son-in-law was a gem of a person.

Well, we found out Betty had an affair with one of my son-in-law's friends years ago, but he left her and went to a different country for a job. Later, she found out she was pregnant, but since she was dating my son-in-law, nobody suspected anything.

Well, Nora wasn't his daughter, and the truth came out after some blood tests had to be conducted for a checkup, but the blood group didn't make sense. My son-in-law got a paternity test, and sure enough, Nora wasn't his daughter. He divorced Betty, which really wasn't in her favor, as she was practically homeless with Nora.

Even though I did not want to, I had to bring them into my house and decided to pay for Nora's remaining educational fees as well. The thing is, Nora is an extremely bratty and disrespectful person. She wasn't really disciplined by my daughter and doesn't understand the harsh realities of the world.

There were so many things about her lifestyle that I didn't like, like her choice of clothes, or the way she talks, or the fact that she doesn't help around the house or restaurant at all, but since it's her life, I let it be. One day she brought her friends to the restaurant, and they were being extremely loud, so I went to Nora and scolded her not to make so much noise and disturb others.

To this, she rolled her eyes and then whispered to herself, "Gosh, such a petty b*^&h." I had enough of her disrespect and immediately asked her friends to leave. I then took Nora back home and sternly asked her about what she said.

At first, she denied saying anything, but then I told her how this "petty b&%^h" was the one to help them out when nobody wanted to, as a consequence of her mother's actions, how I am the one who is making sure she didn't have to drop out of college or even have to take student loans. I told her that she better not act up or I'll just kick her out then and there. She started crying and locked herself in her room.

When my daughter came back from her part-time job, she went to Nora and saw her crying, who then told everything to her. Betty came to me furious and started saying how I was too harsh on her and that she is just a kid who is still dealing with the loss of a father figure.

I was so done with her entitlement that I yelled at her, telling her I was still her mother and she had no right to raise her voice at me. I admit I did say some not very nice things, but I felt like she really needed to see how badly she messed up her life and is messing up Nora's life as well. At last, I told her that both she and her daughter better not act up, or I'll kick them out of my house then and there.

After thinking for some time, I told them that Nora would have to work in the restaurant part-time, and even then, I would only be paying for half of her tuition fees.

As for Betty, she would have to start paying for rent (she was saving her money to rent a new apartment so I didn't ask for any rent), along with their groceries and other utilities, and she would also have to help me with the restaurant.

Both are giving me the silent treatment, but I couldn't care less. They have been coddled way too much, and I will not take their sh&t anymore. However, I still feel that maybe I might be a bit harsh with the things I said to them.

OP provided an update

To clarify some things, my husband died while my other children live in different states. The reason I didn't want Betty to be a stay-at-home mom is because I know how difficult life is as a SAHM, as I was one myself.

My husband was a good man but was very conservative, and being a SAHM, I didn't have much financial freedom as well. I did not want my daughter to go through that. However, my ex-son-in-law was a caring man, and she lived a nice life. I still don't blame him for leaving my daughter, as I have seen how broken he was upon realizing the truth.

Even though I am Betty's mother, I would never want something like this to happen to anyone. Betty was quite extravagant in her lifestyle, and my son-in-law never complained and was always kind towards her until the truth came out.

As for half of the college fees and rent, I asked Betty to earn money and pay that. At least I want her to genuinely try. If she is unable to, then I would help with the tuition, but not until she truly works hard. As for Nora, I still feel she needs major changes in her lifestyle choices, but I won't force her to do so.

However, she needs to learn how to at least work at a job, so I will be asking her to work part-time at the restaurant. I am disappointed, but I don't hate any of my children and grandchildren, and no sane mother could.

However, I realize I was a bit harsh on Nora, so I will go and have a conversation with her and try to explain my reasoning. Someone suggested therapy, and I realized that it would be good for Nora to get therapy so she can deal with her emotions.

However, I will not coddle my daughter nor let Nora disrespect people blatantly. Going through tough times does not give any person a free pass to be disrespectful towards people, and she needs to understand this.

Nora is not a child; she is a future adult who will eventually have to learn to live in society. A selfish and bratty attitude towards people who care about her will only cause her problems in the future.

Here are the top comments from the post:

reviitsaresuchapain says:

Biting the hand that feeds you is never a good plan. NTA (Not the A%^@ole) for reminding them your kindness has a limit and they just hit that limit.

Ornery-Calendar-2769 says:

Time for them to leave.

NaturesVividPictures says:

NTA. No you did good. You're holding them accountable and that's fantastic. They have to learn you don't get everything in life by just smiling at people or being a b^@_h

Individual_You_6586 says:

NTA. If you called them cuss words or profanities, you should apologise for that particular bit. But if they seriously think that you should spend your silver years paying for them and on top of that, be disrespected and sulked at, then they are just spoiled and entitled, the pair of them.

You are perfectly justified in demanding they work and pay their bills. Nora is grieving, but it doesn’t give her the right to call you names!

What do you think? Is OP in the wrong for not tolerating her daughter and granddaughter's behavior?

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