'AITA for telling my sister her baby isn't a real baby?'
"AITA for telling my sister her baby isn't a real baby?"
I (26F) got engaged to my fiance on January 1st. I was very excited to share with my family of course, and everyone congratulated me and my fiance. I sent a picture of my ring to my family group chat as well as my Instagram and everyone has been commenting on the fact i got a very big diamond.
My diamond is a lab grown diamond that is just under 5ct. I specifically asked for a lab diamond as I believe they're more ethical, as you never know if a mined diamond is a blood diamond.
My sister (31F) was very excited for me but as soon as I showed her my ring her mood changed and she was telling me that it was too flashy and that its not practical and that it's too trendy and "not timeless". My ring is a pear shaped solitaire ring with a marquis band and I LOVE it.
My sister then told me that there was no way that my fiance could afford my ring (true if it was a mined diamond it would be 10x the price and my fiance is a second year resident) and that I should test to see if it's a real diamond. I replied that since it's a lab diamond it was a lot less expensive.
She then proceeded to tell me how lab diamonds aren't real diamonds and since they're made in a lab it doesn't hold the same sentimental value. My sister's ring is a small 1ct mined diamond and it's beautiful, I never said anything bad about her ring and it suits her. I tried to laugh it off and I told her that I asked for a lab diamond and that I don't want a mined diamond.
When I said that she started yelling at me that it wasn't even a real diamond in the first place and that it was grown in a lab not the ground. That's when said by her logic, my niece wasn't a real baby then because she was an IVF baby and grown in a lab too. My sister and her husband had a lot of issues conceiving as my sister had some complications with endometriosis.
Their IVF journey was really tough and they had multiple rounds and attempts, and one miscarriage but finally got lucky and had my very healthy niece last year. I know my sister had a hard time conceiving, that was kind of the point I was making, my niece started in a lab but she has beautiful meaning behind her life too.
When I made the comment that my niece wasn't a real baby because she was an IVF baby my sister started crying over the phone. Her husband then called me and berated me and told me I was insensitive and couldn't understand the depths of her emotional turmoil and that I shouldn't of started a fight over a ring.
He even said I was ableist??? I have endometriosis too. My mom says it's not a big deal but I should let my sister cool off. I usually babysit my niece pretty often but my sister hasn't been answering my calls for a week. My fiance says although I probably shouldn't of said that, I was justified. I didn't mean it seriously, I know my niece is a real baby and I adore her and spoil her all the time. Am I the a^&*ole?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You said that your niece is not a real baby. Meaning what? She's not human? And you justify this in your head how? You had to defend your ring? Seriously??? You need help. If that child ever happens to find out what you said, she'll be scared for life.
Did this just come up to you during the argument or is it a thought you've had before? Regardless, huge YTA. The best thing you can do is go NC, if your sister doesn't do that first, to protect your niece from you. And seek help.
No. I said that by my sister's logic, that means her child isn't a real baby. Of course, I know my niece is a real baby. Please read my post again. Just because something is grown in a lab doesn't mean it isn't real.
Can you imagine this getting back to your niece in a few years? Do you think your reasoning will matter?
ESH. Sister is TA for being so transparently jealous. And you are absolutely TA, for using your sister conception issues to try and score points in a sibling argument. Oh, and your Mum is also TA for thinking that isn’t a big deal. I feel sorry for your Dad, I truly do.
na L take. OP wasnt trying to score points, she was illustrating why her sister's logic is foolish and they shouldnt be fighting. it wasnt some random dig to win a squabble. her sister is trash and decided this was a massive blow to her ego because she WANTED to fight and harm OP but OP had logic and calmness on her side so her sister didn't affect her. OP's fine, so is the mom.
I don’t see the issue with what she said; in fact it was a perfect example. If a diamond is only “real” if it occurs naturally in the ground, a baby is only “real” if it develops naturally in the womb. The details of the sister’s motherhood journey don’t make the comparison any less valid or relevant People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
You both need to grow the up life isn't a competition you didn't need to steep to that level but neither did she.
OP offered this explanation after reading the comments:
I think I'm the a^%$ole because I witnessed my sister emotionally wrecked after a miscarriage from ivf and I know this is a sensitive topic for her. I made a very insensitive comment about my niece and making a joke about her baby that she tried really hard for probably wasn't right.
Also my niece js a human and I didn't have to drag her into this. I just wanted to get my point across but now her husband is attacking me.
My sister was very upset, and she won't speak to me because she's still very sensitive about my niece.
I kind of knew my actions were wrong when she started crying but after her husband yelled at me and told me my sister is very upset and he doesn't want me to see my niece anymore I think I should not of made a joke about my niece to defend my ring. But also I meant it as a kind hearted remark...