'AITA for telling my sister I don’t want her life after she said I want to be her?'
"AITA for telling my sister I don’t want her life after she said I want to be her?"
I (24f) have an older sister, Shannon (27f) we have different moms but same dads, lives in different households but we still seen each other growing up. There’s always been this weird competition with her. I never cared to compete with her but she would have this competitive behavior towards me.
For context, my sister had her first child at 15, then her second at 17 with her first baby dad. and her 3rd at 19, she just had her 4th child. She got married at 20, she’s a stay at home mom. Nothing wrong with that but she acts like she unlocked some high level of adulthood because of it.
I went a different route, I finished schoolwork full time, I’ve saved up money to move to a different state next year. I’m engaged, it’s pretty cool. I don’t have kids because I’m not ready yet, I want everything to be stable first.
For the past few years, Shannon has made comments like, ”You lowkey want my life “ or ”You’re mad because I have a husband, kids and you don’t.”
I can’t appreciate myself without her making comments, if I say I want a big house then Shannon would say, ”you mean a house like mine? You can’t afford it.” I can afford a lot but I’m not going out my way to push it into her face.
She does this unprovoked, I don’t bother with her. I don’t know what I did to her for her to always target me but it’s okay.
I think she’s jealous of the life I have, my life isn’t perfect but I’ll explain. Shannon has always wanted to be a doctor but when her kids father came around, that seemed out the window.
She dropped out of college for him because he didn’t think it was worth it to go to college because she needed to stay home with the kids. She used to be a bubbly girl but now she’s liked a drained girl, the color in her face is gone.
When she would get job opportunities he would shut it down, or he would take that job opportunity for himself. She doesn’t have friends, he goes out more than her. He’s quit 3 jobs already but she makes everyone on social media think he’s a rich man. He doesn’t help out with the kids, he calls it babysitting. lol how do you babysit your own child?
He’s dismissive to her, missed their baby birth. Cheated on her twice. He talks down on her, makes fun of her weight like she didn’t have multiple kids.
Anyways Shannon and I got into an argument at a family event. My dad was hosting it and invited me. At dinner she said in front of everyone “you’ll grow up soon. Not everyone is ready for real adulthood”
After she said that I said, ”Adulthood isn’t a competition. I’m just choosing to be stable.”
She then said, ”Why are you defensive? You wish you had what I had.” She laughed after that.
But I finally said, ”I don’t want your life. I don’t want to struggle financially, and I definitely wouldn’t want to be a married single mother.”
Everyone went silent after that, oh when I defend myself then I’m the bad guy but when she does it, people laugh. She cried and told our dad that I was judging her marriage and acting better than her. Now my dad is saying I owe her an apology because she’s so sensitive about people thinking she made wrong choices.
I don’t think she made bad choices. I just think she’s unhappy and trying to convince herself, and me that she’s better.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
She's the one jealous of your freedom. Missed their baby's birth?? Sob, poor shannon
Yes! He missed it because he was gambling with his friends. Just to lose money
NTA. She is 100% jealous of you and projecting her insecurities. She wishes she didn't have 3 kids before being 20 because then she wouldn't be tied down.
This. The "married single mother" is priceless because it's so true. NTA.
You don't owe her an apology, OP. Standing up for yourself is never wrong. Besides your sister needed that reality check.
“I don’t think she made bad choices.”
🤔 She made many bad choices and is just bitter to you didn’t. NTA
NTA. But I do feel bad for your sister. If she really did go through all that, then I think she may need her sister to be on her side rather than call her out, although she did deserve the slight gut punch you gave her.
I hope you two can sit down and talk about things so that you can help her realize her worth. It sounds like you do love each other but she’s become someone battered because of the trash she ended up having to marry. Help her realize who she is and help her to get rid of the garbage.
I honestly don’t think we will have a relationship and I realized that long ago. I don’t want to hold onto something that’s not there but I’ve what you’re saying. She has more people that defend her so they should try to get her to realize. NC between us, she has the family she wants
Well, that sucks, but at least you tried. Maybe you could talk to your parents to help her. It could be that seeing you free and independent and all is triggering her so you just do you and hopefully your sister comes around to realize you aren’t the enemy
Thanks, even though my dad defends her. I don’t think he would try that hard, idk about her mom though.
It sounds to me as if OP's sister is in an abusive relationship. While it doesn't excuse her behaviour, I would hope someone is there for Shannon who has no income, no friends, and no free time, all because her husband is isolating her.
Dad and the family that defends her should be there but they don’t