'I told my parents they're 'uninvolved' when it comes to my kids. Am I overreacting?'

"I told my parents they're 'uninvolved' when it comes to my kids. Am I overreacting?'"

I asked my mom who is retired and she could watch my kids on Monday. They are off of school and my wife and I both at work. She said ok. Today when speaking to my father, he asked me 20 questions about why I can’t watch the kids and why they have to. “Why can you stay home." Lol. I have to work, mom is retired.

This happens every time I ask them to watch the kids, which is only when we don’t have coverage during the workday. It’s never at night. It’s never on weekends. The kids are four and six. My parents live 20 minutes from me.

After getting frustrated with all the questions about why I said “you’re pretty uninvolved” you never offered to take the kids anywhere. You never offer to watch them when we are busy cleaning the house or trying to straighten up.

You rarely spend any alone time with them meanwhile a couple of my neighbors who are grandparents are always helping out with their grandkids picking up from school, dropping off at school, babysitting in the evenings watching the kids so their parents can get a break or go out one night. That never happens with us.

He told my mom and my mom said that she’s insulted and I said the same thing to her. You live 20 minutes away and sometimes a month goes by where you don’t see them. You never offered to help out or give us a break even if it’s for a couple of hours.

You told me last year that you wanted to pick up the kids once a week from school and you did it once. And then I said “you are retired baby boomers and you act like you have this all important social life."

I’m not asking you to pick the kids up from school, or drop them off, I’m not asking to go on vacation for a week and leave them at your house. I’m asking to not answer 20 questions when my wife and I both have to work and we need help for the day, and yeah it would be nice if every now and then you guys took the kids for the day so I can get a break. She hung up on me.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

rojita369 said:

YTA. Speaking as a fellow parent, your own parents owe you nothing. I get it, I have a 6 year old, it’s rough. My in laws have 0 involvement with him at all. They don’t even call on his birthday. That’s their prerogative. It sucks, but they’re hurting themselves. I do not have any right to their time or energy. My own parents are fairly involved and are happy to help as needed, but that’s rare these days.

You’re not entitled to anything. I strongly suggest finding and paying a back up baby sitter. You chose to have children, your parents had nothing to do with that choice, the responsibility for caring for your own children rests solely on you.

Professional_Many_98 said:

NTA. you get what you give. your parents are not helping or enjoying your children therefore I don't see why they should enjoy special family occasions either. ie. thanksgiving, Christmas or other holidays that may be relevant. They do not appear to be in your lives so I would treat them accordingly.

You were honest and forthright with them so going forward you have every right to enjoy your special occasions without them being involved. No guilt or shaming by them is acceptable.

Symone_009 said:

YTA. Your parents have already raised their children, any child rearing now is elective. It also sounds like you don’t care that they aren’t close to the children, just that they don’t watch them or pick them up when you need them too. While it would be nice to he that, it isn’t that has to happen. Again, elective. They are probably tired and kids these days have so much energy.

workana said:

YTA. It's not an obligation for them like it is for you. Why blow up at them instead of having an honest and open conversation about it. Maybe your kids are little brats, how do we know.

dessertandcheese said:

YTA, don't be entitled. Don't have kids if you can't take care of them, they're your own responsibility. Of course it would be nice if they willingly helped out, but obviously, they don't want to. Maybe your kids are awful, maybe they're tired or whatever, but no is a complete sentence.

MrsSEM84 said:

YTA. You have every right to feel sad/frustrated/angry that your parents don’t want to be involved & helpful grandparents. My in laws were the same & as someone who had parents who would take every single second they could get with their grandkids it honestly confused me at first.

But they were done, they’d raised their kids and wanted to relax and enjoy their retirement with their friends. Looking after little kids again was the absolute last thing they wanted to do. Yeah it sucked, but that was their choice and they had earned the right to make it.

You don’t have any right to have a go at them for it or demand they do more. Their level of involvement is and should be entirely their own choice. They don’t owe you help. Nobody does, they are your kids and your responsibility.