'WIBTA if I told my 60-year-old stepmother to move out of my house?'
"WIBTA if I told my 60-year-old stepmother to move out of my house?"
I 36 F am having a hard time with a family issue and I need some advice from the reddit community. Some back story. My mother and father divorced when I was 4. Typical 90s relationship.
Toxic but tried to make it work for the kids. After divorcing my dad moved to the next state over and we did the whole mom had primary and dad got school holidays and summer break.
Well dad met stepmom after moving to the new place and they started dating. After a very short period of time dad had us meet her. We did a weekend camping trip with dad and stepmom.
At the end of this trip dad takes us kids on a walk and asks us if we like stepmom. I kid you not all three of us in unison said " NO DAD WE DONT LIKE HER!" but he decided we needed a mother figure so they married later that year.
During visitation she was very strict with us kids. I describe it as going from mom who idea of parenting was hands off but if u need me I'm here, to military style parenting with stepmom.
And literally had the length of a hallway to switch or we got punished. (Grounded, spanked with a paddle, or worse). Eventually at about 11 my mother lost custody and we went to live with dad and step mom full time. And it was strict military style parenting all the time.
Lived in a one square mile town and could only walk around 1/4 of it( her idea of boundaries),till I was 16, she used intimidation tactics to keep us compliant( literally got in our faces and growled while speaking to us to shape up or we'd be spanked) she would come to our school dances and try to dance with our group of friends, she would be at my brother relentless when he stood up to her.
I saw this and never did and her constant need to control everything was and still is unbearable. I could list more but I don't have the time. Needless to say I never really liked that woman.
As an adult my father made it very clear to me that if I wanted a relationship with him I had to accept her. Packaged deal as he put it. So I have played nice and been accommodating just so I can have a relationship with my father.
I am now happily married with two little people in my own home. About a year ago my step mother lost her job and her and dad ( retired) could no longer afford to keep their own place.
As my husband and I were struggling we agreed to have them move in and help with the bills. My one hard line was that she not discipline my kids or attemt to parent them in any way.
Since moving in I have had to check her twice about how she acts with my kids. First one was her telling my son when to do his chores and how to do them to her liking. Nope checked that immediately. 6 months later and she is in my daughter's face growling at her to pull her pants up.
Girl has no hips and the pants fall down sometimes not her fault. And I'll be damned if anyone is going to intimidate my little girl. Checked her again. But now I feel like I have to be on guard and hyper protective of my kids in my own home.
Also we are selling our house so that we can get a bigger place and stepmom thinks her name is going on my and my husband's house.( She thinks we are buying her a damn house) Corrected that immediately.
My issue is that I will not let her inflict the same emotional scars on my kids that she put on me. I will not let her control my life anymore. I am a grown woman and simply don't want her in my life anymore. I am also very prepared to loose my father at this point (packaged deal) if it means getting rid of her. So WIBTA???
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Oh get her the hell out of your house whether you know it or not she is inflecting emotional scars on your kids. You can't be there 24/7 to protect them from her.
NTA- she is very toxic and you know your kids will grow up with the same scars you and your siblings have from her treatment. If dad can’t see that, they can both kick rocks!
YWNBTA. I'd seriously consider asking yourself if it's worth having your father in your life if she's part of the deal. Good luck, mama bear.
Yep. OP's father has never chosen her. OP should do better by her own children and choose their well-being over some fantasy relationship with her father that is never going to be peaceful if evil step-mom is always around. If he's made it clear he comes with her as a package deal, this is not a package that will bring value to OP's family's lives. In the trash can he goes!
NTA. Tell her and your dad together that he made his choice when he demanded that them two are only a package deal and you can not deal with his bitch wife anymore (and yes...tell it to him like that) him and the she-devil can look for their own accomodation because she's not welcome in your or your childrens life anymore.
I don't do 3 strikes when it comes to my kids. Let them live in a home. Your dad married her , not you. She's his problem. Not yours. Unless you keep letting her live with you.
Definitely won't be the AH.