'WIBTA if I took back the car I was going to gift my GF’s son after she claimed she bought it?'

"WIBTA if I kept the car I was gifting to my gf’s son because she claimed she bought it in a social media post?"

My (44m) girlfriend (41f) and I have been together on and off for the past 12 years. She has a son from a previous marriage that was four when we met. Fast forward to now and he has just turned 16. He’ll be getting his license soon and she needs to get him a car (his dad is not in the picture).

I still have the car that I had when we met, but also bought a new truck a couple years ago. The car isn’t anything real special. It’s a 2011 with 175k miles on, but the engine still seems strong and I’ve taken good care of it. I suggested that we get it fixed up and give him that for his first vehicle. That way if he bangs it up it’s not a big loss.

I made arrangements with a mechanic friend to do the labor on the car for me doing some electrical work at his house. There was a lot of work needed on the car so I’ll be providing about 30 hrs of my own labor to cover my side of the deal. We agreed that I would provide the car and cover the labor through bartering and she would pay for any parts needed to get the car road worthy for a new driver.

I’ve been working with my friend to get things going and have been fronting all of the parts cost which have totaled about $2000. I also had the car detailed and have the windshield scheduled to be replaced through my insurance.

We had her son’s birthday party the other day and she was acting kind of odd. She is constantly taking pictures and wants all of us in them, but on this day she was only posing with her son in front of the car, I was not asked to join. She also made him walk out of the house to see the car a second time and told him to “act more surprised."

He’s known he’s getting this car for months, so I knew this was all just for clout on social media. She’s been obsessed with growing her following lately and her main concern in any situation is that it be documented for content.

I find it pretty annoying, but have been trying to keep that to myself lately because it’s something she enjoys, although I have voiced concern over her obsession in the past. After the party I took the car home because he doesn’t have his license yet and I have a few last minute tweaks to make to it.

Her birthday is a week after his. For her birthday she made a post about all of her accomplishments over the past year. It was a collage of video and pictures with captions. I watched the video and near the end I see a pic of her and him in front of the car and the caption reads “bought my son his first car."

To date she has contributed nothing to getting him into this car. It’s my car, I made all arrangements to get it fixed up, and I fronted all the money for parts which she has yet to pay me for. She has done literally nothing. To be clear I don’t care about getting credit on social media, but I felt like it was a slap in the face to exclude me when I have been the sole person to make this happen.

I feel like this is another thing in a long list of situations where she has disregarded my efforts and contributions and I am considering ending the relationship over it. However, I am also considering telling her that if she wants all the credit for getting her son this car then she can pay me full market value for it so I can recoup the parts and labor that I have into it as well as my initial investment.

WIBTA if took back the car and get him a cheaper gift unless she pays for the whole thing?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

TheBetrayedOne8846 said:

NTA but you are being used IMHO

SoftwareMaintenance said:

Op should invoice the girlfriend for the car. If she pays up, then she is indeed buying her son a car for his birthday. If not, well, then I guess op can sell the car and make some money.

Status-Pattern7539 said:

Does the son know you were giving him the car? Has he thanked you for the car? If the answer is no to any of those questions, then keep the car and sell it.

And Brave_anonymous1 said:

I'd call her out under the video, ask her how much she paid for that car because, as far as you know, the title is in your name, and you got nothing. I'd also break up with her.

As for the boy, you didn't give enough information. If it was a gift from you to him, yes, you'd be an AH. If the boy has no idea, you can explain to him this is the gift from you. Or you can talk to her so that she can buy this car from you.

OP later shared this update/edit to address people's questions:

-The caption didn’t explain the situation as accurately as it should have. This is my first time posting here and to be honest I didn’t expect such a huge response. My goal isn’t to withhold this car, more a question of do I charge her the full amount since she wants all the credit.

-Some people have suggested that I actually want the credit on social media. I wouldn’t have cared if there was no post about it or if she had even said “we” got him a car. What I’m bothered by is her excluding me completely when she felt like she needed to post about it.

-She has not refused to pay for parts. She just hasn’t yet.

-Her son is in no danger of not having a car. She makes good money and if he doesn’t get this car she will likely finance him a nicer one.

-We have separate homes and finances

-While we’ve been off and on it’s been mostly on. Together three years, broke up for a little over a year and then got back together. Been back together for about eight years with only a couple hiccups since.

-I intend to hold up my end of the bargain so long as she does. The difference now is she will need to reimburse me for parts prior to me turning over the vehicle. If she won’t do that I’ll have to asses at that time.

-Her son and I have had some rough times over the years as well, but our relationship has been better in the past couple years than ever before. I include him in my hobbies (golf, snowboarding) and make sure he has the equipment to participate. I also cover all costs related to them. I enjoy including him in these things and think he does as well. They are activities he likely wouldn’t be exposed to otherwise.

-I love them both and that’s why I suggested this arrangement in the first place. I wanted to help her financially, but was also excited to play a part in this milestone for him.

-I am still considering our relationship, but am just very disappointed and hurt by her actions.

We'll keep you posted on any updates!