'AITA for touching my boyfriend’s phone because I thought I saw something weird?'

"AITA for touching my boyfriend’s phone because I thought I saw something weird?"

This might seem small but it turned into a much bigger issue than I expected and now I’m second-guessing myself. I’m 24 and have been with my boyfriend, 27, for just under a year. We usually have a good relationship. He’s funny and caring, and when he’s in a good mood, he’s the sweetest person. But lately he’s been distant and stressed, which I understand because of work.

The other night we were watching a movie at his place and he got up to go to the kitchen, leaving his phone on the coffee table. The screen lit up and I caught a glimpse of a notification from someone saved as “S.” with a little sparkle emoji. It disappeared quickly. He never uses emojis in contact names and doesn’t usually get messages that late.

I felt uneasy and after thinking about it for a bit, I picked up his phone to try to see the name again. I didn’t unlock anything or go through his messages, I just pulled down the notifications screen.

Right then he came back, snatched the phone out of my hand, and his face changed. He didn’t yell at first, but he was cold and tense. Then he started saying things like “How dare you go through my phone,” “I can’t believe you don’t trust me,” and “You’re acting like a jealous crazy girl.” He kept repeating that I ruined the night and that I was crossing a huge line.

When I tried to explain I wasn’t trying to spy, I was just worried, he snapped and said I was “manipulative” and told me to leave his place immediately. I was shocked and hurt, but I keep telling myself he’s just upset and stressed.

I want to believe he’s not hiding anything and that I’m the one who made a mistake. Now he’s barely talking to me and said he needs space.I know I shouldn’t have touched his phone, but was I really the ahole here? ​​

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Vyraxysss said:

Someone reacting like that and continually being distant and cold has usually lost feelings/is mentally done with the relationship in my experience. I'd be thinking about moving on if I was you OP.

Foolish-Pleasure99 said:

Exactly. I would simply tell him his reaction was over the top and the only rational explanation is he is cheating. Tell him to go be with Sparkle S. It's so wild to me when somebody acting irrationally and who needs a time-out can attempt to turn that around and act as if the other person did something wrong. I Do Not play that game.

SQLDave said:

When someone (finally) shows you who they are, believe them. NTA.

CommunicatingElder said:

Nta. His overreaction tells you everything you need to know. Block him and move on.

changelingcd said:

I'm not much for sharing devices, but that specific reaction (all that deflection and anger) is pretty suspicious. NTA.

LivelyDork said:

NTA. Someone who isn't hiding anything has no reason to react that way. While going through someones phone isn't great, you didn't really go much past what was freely available. If he had nothing to hide, his NOTIFICATIONS shouldn't be such a big deal.

FastTrackExplorer said:

NTA. This was how my ex was with me and it always made me uneasy. Turns out he was cheating our entire 4 year relationship. My fiancee now gives me unlimited access to his phone (not that I feel the need to go through it). Hes 100% hiding something OP. Trust your gut.

After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:

ETA Thanks so much to everyone who replied and shared their thoughts I really appreciate it even if some of it is hard to hear. I tried to reach out to him today just to make sure he wasn’t too upset and to clear the air He replied but was really short and said he needed space which I get.

He’s usually the one who texts first and checks in a lot but lately he’s been kind of distant and moody I know he’s been under a lot of stress from work but sometimes he gets way too intense over little things...

Like a few days ago he got mad because I asked if he wanted to eat and told me I was annoying Then he ignored me for hours before apologizing and saying he was just overwhelmed.

I’m still trying to figure out what’s normal and what isn’t I want to believe he’s not all bad but sometimes I wonder if I’m just making excuses for him. Thanks again for all the advice and support.

Thank you again to everyone who commented I’ve been reading through all of it even the ones that are hard to hear. Some people said I was in the wrong and I do understand that too I know I shouldn’t have touched his phone and I’m really not trying to play the victim I just didn’t expect it to blow up like this.

He actually texted me just now and said “Hope you’ve calmed down and had time to reflect I’ll reach out when I feel ready." It seemed kind of cold but I guess he just needs space.

I do think he’s a bit excessive with his reactions sometimes I just don’t like upsetting anyone but he seems to be acting worse lately and I don’t like that. I think I need to have a talk with him about the way he’s treating me.