'Toxic' SIL continually comments on teen sister's body, 'I kind of lost it.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my SIL off for continually commenting on my sister's appearance?"
Anyway my SIL Beth is plus-sized (her terms, she doesn't really seem that overweight to me) and has been on a continual weight loss journey for as long as I've known her.
The problem is that she is ALWAYS now talking about what my sister and I eat, that we don't exercise, unfair metabolism, etc. Like for example we all had Christmas dinner together and when we ate dessert, she kept saying that she couldn't have any and it was unfair we could without worrying about the extra pounds.
This is where I started to get mad, because I then noticed my sister (who is seventeen and very small) put her dessert down and stopped eating it.
So then this weekend we were all at my Mom's house and Beth starts talking about food again and then starts hyper analyzing my little sister's body. I mean taking her hand and putting it around my sister's arm and commenting that she could touch her fingers, saying don't worry soon you'll get a "woman body" and you'll have fat thighs too, etc.
I kind of lost it and asked to talk to her privately and (not very nicely) told her that she needs to stop projecting her issues with food onto the rest of us and asked if she's trying to fast track my little sister to a disorder. I said her issue wasn't her weight it was her crazy toxic mindset.
Then I said something which I totally acknowledge was over the line: Beth and my brother have been trying for kids for a year or so and I said "if you ever have a daughter you're going to give her your crazy" or something. Now I did NOT mean this to be a barb that she will never have children, but that's how she took it.
Anyway after that she started crying and went to hide in the bathroom and my brother asked what happened and I told him and he called me a See U Next Tuesday. I went to the bathroom door and apologized for the comment about kids but I stand by the rest.
Eventually my sister and I left to go get some stuff and when we got back bro and SIL were gone. We also talked about my sister being okay with setting boundaries and it doesn't make her "mean" to say something when Beth is acting like that.
Then I received a long winded text from her saying I need to apologize not just for the kid comment but for all of it, and I said no bueno. My Mom and bro are both pressuring me to apologize, my mom just wants to keep the peace.
But my sister said thank you and she appreciates it, and I don't want to apologize, except for the kid remark which I already did. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
cthulularoo said:
They're all pressuring you to apologize, but no one is mentioning Beth apologizing too? She's a cry-bully. And your bro doesn't get the right to call you names wtf is that? They're both toxic people.
M1ssM0nkey said:
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your sister. Beth is a toxic influence on an impressionable teen, and needs to stop. She is absolutely projecting her own insecurities onto your comment. A future baby’s gender is always an IF because no one knows what they’ll have if having a baby the old fashioned way.
Solid_Internal_9079 said:
NTA. If you didn’t apologize for the kid comment, maybe. However, you did, and she’s not due one for the rest of it.
shimoiassild said:
NTA. Your sister-in-law needs to learn boundaries and stop projecting her insecurities onto others. It's not okay for her to comment on other people's bodies like that, especially with your teenage sister present. And it was wrong of your brother to call you names and pressure you into apologizing when you were just standing up for yourself and your family.
Comprehensive-Fun47 said:
NTA. Nip this in the bud right now. Her words will have an impact on your sister. Her weight hangups are her own.
HoshiJones said:
Beth was bullying your sister, it's she who needs to apologize. NTA. Ignore the drama. It will all blow over, or it won't. But either way it's not your problem.