'AITA for bringing up how much trauma it causes to be hated by siblings for being affair babies?'
"AITA for bringing up how much trauma it causes to be hated by siblings for being affair babies?"
Me (20f) and my sister (19f) have half siblings from our mom's first marriage to her late husband. When her late husband was terminally ill she started an affair with our dad and her kids found out about it.
I was born 2 years after mom's first husband died but in the eyes of my older siblings me and my sister were affair babies and they hated us for it. They told us every chance they got that we were disgusting and we never should have been born and that our mom and dad were disgusting 3h*r3s.
When my parents marriage broke down when I was in middle school my mom's older kids celebrated and they told us they were glad our lives were turned upside down too and that me and my sister didn't get a better life than them. They said we didn't deserve it and that they hoped we'd end up orphans because they would let us rot in foster care.
We did lose our dad three years after the divorce and mom became an alcoholic. That was something else my older siblings cheered about. They love that mom is ruining her life. That was the last contact we had with them but they were all completely grown and married by then.
We were having a dinner party with my paternal family and my boyfriend and his immediate family. During dinner a couple of my relatives asked me and my sister if we had tried to reach out to our older siblings recently and suggested that it would be good for us.
My sister left the table in tears and I told those relatives it wasn't a good idea. They tried to convince me it would be and that enough time had passed for feelings to change but I pointed out that it's a trauma for me and my sister with how strongly we were rejected and hated for being affair babies, which had nothing to do with us.
I said we weren't even born during the affair period but we'd never be anything more. And since our older siblings celebrated our lives going to shit multiple times when they were already adults I didn't think it would be positive to have them in our lives.
My boyfriends family felt so bad for me being pressured like that. But one of the relatives involved doubled down and said it wasn't the kind of topic you discuss in company.
By the topic they meant the trauma of being called affair babies and hated for it. They said it's also not fair to push that emotional burden on people trying to help me and my sister. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. They asked about reconnecting, and you just explained why it’s not possible. You were honest about your experience, not rude.
MoonieStun (OP)
It's kind of funny that they brought it up first but I'm the one who pushed it into inappropriate for company talk.
It was only inappropriate to them because you had the support of your bf & his family. They don’t want anyone to contradict them or tell them that their ideas are wrong because they don’t want to admit that your siblings suck donkey balls.
The tendency to sweep wrong events under the rug instead of discussing it like reasonable people and holding those who are wrong accountable is hard for emotionally immature adults. I hope your life & your sister’s is filled with an abundance of love, peace & positivity.
Please remember both of you that what your older half siblings have said/done towards you is NOT a reflection of you but them. All that ill will they have towards you will eventually come back around to bite them. NTA OP!
You are not the one who brought the subject up in front of company. They were by their own standards the rude one.
MoonieStun (OP)
I know, which I find kind of funny. But I suppose they mean bringing up the trauma part only. Which isn't fair because their conversation made me mention it to begin with.
NTA “it’s not the kind of topic you discuss in company”
“I agree. So what did you bring it up at dinner with guests present for, Betty?”
NTA. I'm sorry you had to go through all that you don't owe it to anyone wether you want reconciliation with your half siblings or not, do it at your own pace.
MoonieStun (OP)
I don't and they won't want to reconcile either so it's a waste of time considering it. They want us dead not reconciled. And the more painful our lives are the better in their minds.
Tell them to STFU. If they want to talk to those biotches, let them. But you don't have to. Tell them that you wouldn't piss on these siblings if they were on fire, and if they want to join them in that category, they should keep up this line of conversation.
I don't think I have it in me to say all that. But distance I could do if they can't let it go.
NTA - but I’m confused why your dad (the original AP in this story)’s family wants you to reconnect with people who hated your dad as much as they hated you two? I mean you didn’t say specifically that the older siblings hated him, but I can only imagine, if they were spitting that much vitriol at small children, what they were saying to the two people who actually were at fault for cheating.
So why would YOUR family, who are no relation to those older siblings, push you to reconnect with them, especially knowing how horrible they have been to you?? NTA - also, you fiancé’s family deserve to know the truth about your family.
MoonieStun (OP)
They have a big thing about blood ties so the fact my older siblings are blood related matters a lot to some of dad's side.
There's a special place in hell for people who cheat on their terminally ill partners.
Absolutely an inappropriate topic for discussion at a dinner party with boyfriend's family. Paternal family should never have brought it up.
OP you and your sister are NTA. But i disagree with the comments hating elder siblings. Their mom cheated on their dying dad. I put myself in their shoes and that I would never be able to have a relation with the children of a parent ,who cheated on my dying parent. Will never love the affair children.
It's best solution to not have any relation with them. Your mom deserve every bit of hate she gets from her other kids. Your father side of family is disgusting. So was your dad. But yeah not your fault. Though ur mom and dad deserves no grace and love.