Friend’s Hawaii stay turns nightmare with boyfriend, nude demands, and 240-mile daily car use. AITA?
"A friend, who was a traveling nurse, asked if she could come stay with us for 3 months, with lots of extras."
My wife and I used to live in Hawaii and had a house on the Big Island. One day, I got a call from a friend, Lana, who used to live on Oahu, but then moved to San Diego. She called me saying that she was now a traveling nurse and had to make a decision ASAP about whether to take a job on the Big Island or on the East Coast.
She needed to make a decision within 30 minutes and it was for 3 months and wanted to know if she could stay with us and pay rent for that time. I asked my wife and she said, "Fine, it will be good to see Lana again." I called her back and said it would be fine for her to stay with us for that time.
Then, she tells me, "Oh, btw, my boyfriend will be coming with me too. And also, I'll need a car too bc I can't afford to rent a car bc I have a $500/mo car payment here in CA." That was a bit of a shock given we had agreed to her staying with us alone, and now there would be two of them.
She also asked if we drank coffee, and we did, so she told us she made a 12 cup pot everyday. She ended up going thru all our coffee in about a week after she arrived and Kona coffee was $18/lb.
So Lana and her bf arrived and he seemed nice and grateful. Then, a new wrinkle was that since she would be doing a 12 hr shift, so her boyfriend would have to drive her to work and then get her afterwards, making 2 trips each day.
I figured out that it was 60 mi one way from our home to the hospital she worked at which meant 120 mi RT and 240 mi each day with TWO trips down there. She'd be putting at least 960 mi/week on our car.
Then, she added that her bf would go fishing during her shift and stay in town, but then also wanted to know where we could get some pot bc her bf liked to smoke pot while he went fishing.
\That was too much to ask, knowing that her bf would take our car, drive it around town and be stoned part of the time. We started arguing about it and after about a week, she found another place to rent, closer to work and I said that giving her a free car to drive around in was too much to ask.
She finally agreed to rent her own car and went NC with us and we called her about when she would return our car. She also complained that the Honda Accord we loaned her did not have the AC working.
Well, she eventually returned the car but never informed us when. Just a final text msg that, "It's in your driveway." Never paid us a penny for her first week stay in our home. Talk about entitled friends.
Update: And, the 2nd day they were in our home, she asked, "What is the nudity policy in your home?" She wanted to prance around nude. Nobody have ever asked that question before so I did not have a ready answer. LOL.
Update2: Prior to this, she was a generous friend who always invited us to stay in her home when we visited Oahu. Went out of her way to make special meals for us and seemed like a normal sane person.
We lost touch for a few years and then she called out of the blue and asked to reconnect. We had no idea she would make such outrageous demands after we initially agreed to let her stay with us.
We were kinda stunned by her new demands and tried our best to accommodate her. Living with her was a whole different story. We did our best for the sake of our friendship but it became too much once she lived with us.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
The minute she brought up her boyfriend, the answer should have been no. No, you can't bring your unemployed boyfriend, no you can't use our car, no you can't eat all of our groceries. Traveling nurses get paid a butt load of money, so none of this was necessary. I'm sorry, I have to ask, what's wrong with you?
plus they get a living stipend near the hospital.
y'all are being scammed.
Why didn't you shut her down when you called her back and she gave you additional information that her boyfriend was coming too; they needed a car (broad hint, she meant yours) and she drank up to 12 cups of coffee a day? "Sorry Lana. This isn't going to work. You need to find other accommodations and a vehicle."
Neo1881 (OP)
We tried to extend the aloha spirit to her, but her demands just kept getting more and more outrageous.
She took herself out. Hopefully you never hear from her again. The “thanks but no thanks” of dropping off the car in the driveway probably without gas and a broken AC was her, “You are a horrible friend. Don’t expect any money from me. You are a bad friend. You are officially on my s*** list.”
Neo1881 (OP)
The ac was not working when she got the car, but it was a vintage 1989 Accord with just 56k mi on it. They ended up spending a lot more time with our next door neighbor bc he was a regular pot smoker. We've had no contact with her since she left.
I work in healthcare and have seen the offers for travel nurses in Hawaii. They receive a housing stipend in the thousands per month. She thought she was going to save a huge chunk of money staying with toy instead of paying for her own apartment.
Unpopular opinion: this is really on you, as you did not set up expectations/boundaries, nor work out the details ahead of time. If Lana wanted to come, rent should have been worked out then and there. Any additional people would pay more rent. Oh, she needs a car? A traveling nurse would easily be able to afford a car rental for her duration.