'AITA for treating my BF too harshly during the birth of our son?' UPDATED
"AITA for treating my BF too harshly during the birth of our son?"
Yesterday afternoon me and my boyfriend welcomed my son. However my boyfriend is still upset about how I treated him when I was in active labor.
This is my first baby and honestly the contractions was probably the worst pain I ever experienced in my life. I was sobbing and screaming because just how painful the contractions were. At that point I was having contractions like that for the past 12hrs prior to going to the hospital…but it started to become back to back when I was in the hospital and I was like only 3 centimeters dilated.
My boyfriend he was trying to helpful to his credit he was holding my hand and rubbing my head. But about 3hrs in it started to overstimulate me and I just didn’t want to be rubbed anymore.
So I started hitting his hand away from me, but the breaking point for me was when every time I was feeling a contraction, he started saying stuff like “when you feel those just push him out” or “ I think if you followed my advice he would be out by now” just condescending remarks that I didn’t want to hear.
So I snapped on him told him to STFU and that what he is recommending is stupid because I’m not even dilated enough to push. He then proceeds to argue with me and I started to cry just out of frustration with the pain and the fact he wasn’t coming as fast as I wanted him too.
So I told him I want him out for 30 minutes and to swap with my granny. Because I knew she would truly be what I needed and he storms out the room and doesn’t return back until they said I needed a c-section and allowed him to be the person to scrub in.
Our son was born yesterday but he’s still giving me the cold shoulder for that disagreement. Which is really messing with me emotionally because I need his support.
My baby was born underweight ( 5lbs 5oz) and we found out he developed jaundice. I also have preeclampsia and I feel so weak so I feel like I can’t properly take care of him like I want too. He’s only talking to me if it’s something to do with the baby but other than that nothing. Did I seriously mess up here ? AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
BalanceActual6958 said:
My labor nurses would have told my husband to STFU if he said that to me.
OP responded:
So actually the nurse was the one that recommended he leave the room for a bit and I agreed with her which I think made him upset for some reason because he felt like I was ganging up on him with her.
Britofile said:
If this is how he acts when you're in labor, what's he usually like? He must be absolutely insufferable. What a complete @$$. NTA.
definitelytheA said:
Have given birth 4 times. It is natural law that anything that comes out of a laboring mother’s mouth is off limits for arguments later. Next time he brings it up, ask him to swallow a basketball and see how it feels trying to get it out the other end.
You had a hard, hard labor, and you were in danger with PE. Then you were cut open to deliver your baby safely. All while your body is having massive hormones flowing. Tell him to do some reading about transition in labor.
One labor, I couldn’t stand to have anything touching me. I started pulling off my gown as they were wheeling me down the hall to delivery, and my poor husband was trying to keep me covered up so no one would see me exposed. The doctor, bless her heart, told him no one cared, and anyone giving birth is the absolute boss over what they need. He heeded her advice.
Fifty bucks says he’s never in his life come even close to an experience like you had.
And WifeofBath1984 said:
NTA he's the one who owes you an apology. It's obvious he has no idea what he's talking about when he's telling you to push when you're only dilated 3 cm. I'd be absolutely furious with him. You were IN. LABOR. He sounds like an unbearable @$$hole. I don't even know how he's justifying his terrible behavior to himself.
A few hours later, she shared this update:
To answer few of your concerns the hospital staff has been so good to me and my baby, the reason why didn’t give me an epidural right when I checked in was because of my preeclampsia I was running a fever so they were running test still to make sure it was safe enough to do it and wasn't like an infection , plus the anesthesiologist was hard to track down.
As far as my boyfriend he’s been a lot kinder this morning up until the staff made me talk to a social worker and a DV counselor so he’s upset about that now. Because he thinks I told them that he hurts me and I didn’t, but he thinks they’re trying to find a reason to take the baby…because of how young they are I don’t that’s the case but not really any resolution but we’re trying to move past it.