'AITA for asking the venue to turn my sister away when she arrived with her toddler?'
"AITA for asking the venue to turn my sister away when she arrived with her toddler?"
I (30F) got married last Sunday. From the start we said no kids except nursing infants. The venue is small, theres a balcony with a low railing, and every guest was assigned to a table to make the food service work.Also each extra plate would've been $75 which we genuinely couldn't swing.
My sister "L" (33F) has a very active 3yo. She asked me three times to make an exception for her and I said no every time, I tried to frame it as logistics and safety and not a judgment on her kid, she was clearly annoyed but eventually dropped it.
Day of the wedding I'm in the bridal suite when the coordinator knocks and says that L has arrived with the toddler and a stroller. The front desk won't check her in without my approval because she's on the no kids list and there's no seat assigned. If we squeeze them in, we'd have to reshuffle two tables and push the caterer's timing.
I'm not proud of it but I told the coordinator to enforce the policy, they offered L the option to attend the ceremony only and leave before the reception or to come back without the kid but L got upset and said I was humiliating her then left.
She missed the ceremony entirely. Later my parents said I could've just been flexible for family, L texted me that I made her feel like a 2nd class guest and that I care more about rules than people.
I did send an apology for how public it felt but I said I stand by the boundary, maybe I was too rigid and should've called her that morning to head this off or arranged a sitter myself. From her side she says childcare fell through and that I made her choose between being a mom and being my sister. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
She asked you THREE TIMES prior to the wedding to make a special exemption for her 3 year old? Yeah, no. Her childcare didn't 'fall through', she never had any and was trying to bully her way in. Just stop giving her grievances oxygen.
You've sent an apology, don't keep trying to justify it or entertain any more discussion about it, because the more you do the more you weaken your own position. You had a rule, you warned your sister well in advance, she was given options and she wouldn't make it work. Enough is enough. NTA.
Exactly. There’s no chance that child care fell through.
You did not embarrass her, she embarrassed herself. She was counting on manipulating you to get her way. She could have declined the invite. She could have gotten a sitter. Instead she showed up with a toddler at a child free wedding. You are NTA but she sure is TA.
NTA!! She knew very well what the policy was and thought she could force your hand by showing up with her kid anyway because she feels above the rules. This wasn't new information for her. She embarrassed herself.
No, she didn't have to choose between being a mom and a sister. She could have left her toddler with a babysitter or simply declined the invitation.
Yes. Sometime we DO have to choose between being a mom and being a sister or a friend. It's the literal reality of being a mom. Life is not going to cater to our preferences because WE chose to give birth/have kids, and nor should it!
How has she been a mom for 3 years and NOT figured that out yet? Or is she one of those self entitled moms who just ram their preferences over everyone else's needs like a damn tank? If she is, then I say GOOD, its about damn time she learned a lesson. 100% NTA.
NTA. You set a rule for the wedding that wasn't outrageous or nuts and you did it right at the start of wedding-prep to boot. It's all on your sister for not taking no for an answer and three times at that.
Heck, you didn't even need to explain why. You could have just pointed at everyone else you invited and told her no kids covers EVERYONE on the guest list, no exceptions. If she wanted to take it as an insult towards her kid, then again that's on her.
NTA, and she never got a babysitter. She's full of it. She thought that she could force the issue. You told her no 3 times. A venue where a child could be injured is not the place for them. Note she made it about choosing being a mom or a sister.
She humiliated herself with her own bad behavior. She could have gotten a sitter. I don't think it's reasonable that should be on your to do list. (I'm skeptical about her having a sitter based on her earlier behavior.)
Having missed things because of a lack of a sitter, I know it stinks. Unfortunately, it happens and it's the parent's problem. If the kid had fallen off the balcony, everyone would feel worse.
NTA. When I got married we agreed no kids and it was wonderful! No crying or screaming interruptions, no one argued with us about the policy, and I would 100% do it again! Your sister is entitled and spoiled. I am glad you stuck to your boundary.
NTA. If she asked you 3 times about bringing her toddler you know she never actually organised a babysitter, she just assumed if she turned up with them you would be put in a position where you couldn't turn her away. This was an AH move on her part.