'AITA for turning down my BIL's offer to buy my car for a better deal?'
"AITA for turning down my BIL offer to buy my car for a better deal?"
So firstly a bit of context here. My BIL's car has been off the road for some time now, and my sister has been driving him to and from work. He found out I was looking to sell my car, and he asked if I'd be willing to sell it to him. The thing is my car is a luxury car, it's not a run around. I didn't want to offend so I asked him what his budget was and it fell way below what I was looking for.
I told him as much and we didn't speak much more of it. Later that day though my sister rang me up giving me a big sob story about how they needed to get my BIL back on the road with a decent motor. I slept on it and decided for my sister's sake I'd entertain the offer, because I'm not desperate for the money.
I do well enough for myself that I could comfortably afford to take the hit. I told my BIL and Sister that once I get my new car I'd accept their offer. At the time I fully meant it. Fast forward a couple of weeks I'm looking into new cars, I went to the BMW dealership and clapped eyes on a lovely motor, I fell in love with it instantly and knew I'd be going home with it.
It was a lot more expensive than I planned for but what a beauty of a car (for context:545e M Sport ) as I was chatting to a salesman he asked what I drove currently, so I pointed to my old beamer parked outside. He told me they could give it a look over and potentially trade it in and knock a good chunk off the price of the new car.
I let them look it over, and they came back offering me way more trade in value than what my BIL was offering to buy it for. I knew he wouldn't be able to come close to matching it, so I went ahead with it. Well...that was the trigger for ww3. My sister was absolutely fuming with me, she swore at me and told me I was a terrible brother for going back on my word.
My parents were also upset with me, telling me I shouldn't have said I'd take their offer if I was still going to entertain others. Now I'm public enemy number one and whilst I haven't been officially uninvited from my parents Christmas dinner plans, I suspect my presence wouldn't be welcome.
I kind of understand where they're coming from but at the same time I felt like I was being taken for a bit of a mug and guilt tripped into agreeing to the original deal. They also had more than enough budget to get a brand new decent car so I really felt like my BIL was being a bit of a chancer and using my sister to aid him. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Just_River_7502 wrote:
You should have said all of that and turned down your BIL's offer. Doesn’t giving your word mean anything to you? Like if you’d said “listen if I don’t get a better offer you can have it that price” you’d be fine. But you’re the one who didn’t want to do it but said yes anyway. And then didn’t actually do the thing you said you would. YTA.
OP responded:
I am typically a man of my word, but when it comes to being out of pocket almost 11 grand it's like how can I justify turning my nose up at that. I honestly would have done it too, it's not like I went out of my way looking for other offers.
Uubilicious_the_wise wrote:
You reneged on an agreement. I get why you did it. It makes perfect sense. However, you still had a preexisting agreement and then went back on it without any warning at all. Have to say YTA here.
What you should've said is something along the lines of "I'm looking at cars now. Let's see what happens once I've found one." Something like that gives you wiggle room and lets them know that they may have to look for something themselves rather than believing they already have a deal in place.
OP responded:
I see your point. I definitely could have left myself in a better position with better wording. I honestly wasn't expecting to be put in a position to reconsider though, I had stopped taking offers and removed my car from listings and I wasn't the one who brought up the trade in deal. I hadn't even considered it. I fully intended on following through with my agreement until that moment.
TheFetishGarden666 wrote:
ESH. Let’s rewind here. BIL and sister can afford a new car, but they have not gotten one yet. You have a luxury car, and it’s not in their budget. They don’t need a luxury car. Despite this, you caved to your sister manipulating you, instead of standing up for yourself.
This never would have happened if you hadn’t caved, and if you had actually looked up the value of the car. Dealers don’t give you what it’s worth, so sister really really lowballed you.
OP responded:
Unfortunately my family has always been my weak spot. I have an unreasonable amount of loyalty and desire to do right by them. I won't go into the specifics as to why but we've been through a lot of crappy situations.
Sadly I don't believe my loyalty is reciprocated, my siblings often only contact me when they want money. My sister was never one of them though so I afforded her the benefit of the doubt and put it down to my BIL.
Professoryaffle1 wrote:
ESH. You should not have made a promise if you were not planning to keep it , and having made it, should not have reneged on it, equally your sister and BIL should not have expected you to effectively subsidise them to buy a new car.
I'd suggest that you say you are sorry, you should not has told hm you'd be open to accepting his offer and you should have warned him/them when you realised that it wasnt going to be possible. It would be a nice gesture to offer to help them out with the cost of a new car, even if you can't give them as much as the discount on him buying your car would have been