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Woman calls off double wedding with twin sister because she despises her fiancé. AITA?

Woman calls off double wedding with twin sister because she despises her fiancé. AITA?

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"AITA for refusing to have a double wedding with my twin sister because I dislike her fiancé?"

CandidFile9589

Ever since we were kids, my identical twin sister (24F) and I (you can probably guess my age and gender) have wanted to have a double wedding. However, as we grew up, we realised that, as much as we wanted it, it would be unlikely that we would both get engaged at around the same time.

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend (24M) of four years proposed to me. Then, a few days ago, my sister’s boyfriend (32M), who knew how much we wanted a double wedding, also proposed to her. My sister is over the moon and thinks we’ll have the wedding we dreamed about as kids.

However, I told her that the double wedding wasn’t a good idea. I made multiple excuses but she kept on badgering me for the real reason why, so I admitted that it was because I disliked her fiancé.

They only started dating this year, yet she thinks he’s her soulmate. He’s a high school dropout working a minimum wage job, and he has a daughter (8F), whose mother passed away a few years ago.

He’s a convicted criminal who once spent 3 years in prison for possession. Most people his age are homeowners, while he can barely afford rent and has resorted to borrowing money from my sister multiple times.

I told my sister she was too young to be a stepmother, and if she married him he’d just use her for her money before he got bored of her. I said that I didn’t want the best day of my life to be tainted by sharing it with some man who’d probably just divorce her after a year.

She thinks I’m acting stuck up and judgemental, but I just want the best for her. I still would love a double wedding, but I’d gladly sacrifice that dream if it meant saving my sister from a lifelong bad decision. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

consolelog_a11y

NAH. You get to have whatever wedding you want - double or not. You get to make that decision for your life, even if it means sacrificing a lifelong dream. However, your sister also gets to make the decisions in her own life.

Even if they're bad ones, even if they mess you up for a while. We all make them and we all learn and grow from them. It sucks watching someone do something you feel in your core is going to lead to tragedy.

But the fact is, you probably did more harm than good by being so judgemental (even if you meant well). This is a common example of what often turns into psychological reactance. Or Google the "backfire effect" (belief perseverance).

There's a pretty decent chance your sister is just going to marry him even harder now just to save face and keep you from getting the satisfaction of being "right". Life is a craggy, uneven sidewalk.

Sometimes we can't keep the people in our life from tripping, but we can be there to catch them before they hit the ground or help tend to their scrapes when they do. Sometimes it's embarrassing, but it's worse knowing someone you love has an "I toldja so, I said you were gunna fall on that crack" locked and loaded.

My_Poor_Nerves

I love your analogy, but maybe we can see OP's comment to her sister as a warning to avoid an obstacle so that sister won't trip? I don't know...there is just so little that one can do to prevent a loved one from making what you feel is a giant mistake and it seems to me that saying something is better than nothing at all, as long as you don't have an "I toldja so" waiting in the wings if the worst does happen.

DameChungus

"Most people his age are homeowners." Laughs in millennial.

Other than that hilarious statement, NAH - you have the right to not share your wedding with a person you dislike, and your sister has the right to be disappointed about your choice.

alien_overlord_1001

NTA. For the record, in this day and age - certainly where I come from, it is no longer normal for people in their 30s to be 'homeowners' - unless they have rich parents to pay huge deposits for them........sadly.

Based on this 'childhood dream', I'm going to guess your sister may have pressured this guy a bit to propose to make this dream happen........personally I think less than a year of dating is not enough time at all to be considering marriage.

Especially to someone with a criminal record (that follows you around for the rest of your life) and who is already a single parent barely making ends meet - if your sister was hoping for kids, this equation does not add up at all.

But this shouldn't be the reason you don't want a double wedding - just say you grew up and changed your mind - you want your day to just be about you and your fiance, and leave it at that. Don't be rude about her guy - that could end up backfiring badly if they do end up getting married.

If you have your wedding without her, she may even come to her senses about this guy as the 'dream' is over.........

Edit - your fiance could help here by saying he doesn't want a double wedding - it wasn't his childhood dream after all, and it is his day too.

jrm1102

NAH - You can have whatever wedding you want.

He doesnt sound like a winner tbh, but you may be being a tad judgmental. So long as they’re happy, thats what matters.

That_Survey5021

Your sister is going to struggle all her life if she stays with this loser. I’m sorry but love is not enough. He has a daughter that’s 8 yrs old and he hasn’t straightened his life yet. That’s a major red flag. It’s smart for OP not too do it. It will taint the happiest day of your life.

He probably proposed because now he has a chance to have someone subsidize his wedding. He also gets a sugar mama and a caretaker for his daughter. He might be a loser but he’s winning in life with your sister.

So, do you think the OP is being too judgmental or is she trying to stop her sister from making a horrible mistake?

Sources: Reddit
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