Uncle 'ruins Christmas' by getting gifts for all but one of his nieces and nephews.
If you stop talking to your brother, are you still obligated to get Christmas presents for his kid?
Why punish the child for the drama caused by his father and his uncle? So, when a conflicted uncle decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not he'd be wrong to exclude his nephew from his Christmas tradition, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not buying Christmas gifts for my 5-year-old nephew, but will buy it for all other nephews and nieces?
My parents were very busy. I have 6 siblings. I am second oldest. Me and my older brother have no contact for about 8 years. He lived in another country with his wife and 5 year old son. This year they moved back to our country. They always spent Christmas with his wife's parents and then came to our parents the next day without me present.
A couple of years back I had a tragedy and got a lot for compensation. I invested and am now living very good from passive income. For the last 3 years I buy all the gifts for Christmas for my nephews and nieces. My siblings give me their letters for Santa and I go all out. I absolutely love seeing them when they open the gifts.
I already got all the letters this year and have all the gifts ready. But then last week my mother wanted to give me another letter. She said it's from my nephew from my oldest brother. I was surprised, but then told her that I won't buy anything for him. I dont even know him and I am not prepared to spend that much on stranger kid. My parents then told me that we cant single him out.
That he would be very sad seeing other kids opening gifts and him not getting anything. I told them they can buy the gifts, and maybe my siblings will chip in. My mother started crying that they cant match my gifts and bagged me to reconsider. I refused. I am hurt even because I just found out that my brothers family will be with us for Christmas.
Now they are text bombing me that I'm ruining Christmas. My partner said that maybe we should buy gifts for my nephew. That he is innocent and one more smile wont hurt.AITA if I refuse?
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this one. Here's what people had to say:
EmeraldBlueZen said:
You cannot leave a child out during a holiday celebration. Its cruel. If you do insist on not getting him a gift, then give the others their gifts when he's not around. OR give all the kids inexpensive gifts and then give the others their normal gifts at another time. I'll have to go with YTA (You're the As*hole).
emeryldmist said:
YTA. He is a child, you are intentionally singling him out as not worth as much as the others. Of course it is your money and you can do what you want with it... as*holes and non-as*holes have that prerogative alike. You stated that you can afford it so do it. Use this as an opportunity to get to know the kid.
I never said expensive presents. A 5 y.o. doesn't care about the cost of the gifts they just don't want to be left out. Further down I suggested that OP choose from a list of cost effective presents the kid would love and the parents would hate! Such as: kazoo, fisher price karaoke set, toy guitar, harmonica, train whistle, candy, something with a lot of glitter, a stuffy that talks (think furbie) etc.
coastalkid92 said:
NTA. Your money is yours and you can spend it on who and what you choose. Now that being said, I can understand where your parents and partner are coming from. If your nephew is going to be there and watch your other niblings opening this awesome pile of gifts from Santa (not you, Santa), he's going to feel confused, hurt and left out. To be clear, it's not your responsibility to fulfill the obligation of Santa treats but you are likely to see one sad little boy on Christmas Day.
I agree that I think if you've been estranged from him for a while, asking the remainder of your family to contribute in some way is a sensible solution but if this is your line in the sand, you're not in the wrong.
coastalkid92 said:
NTA (Not the As*hole). Your money is yours and you can spend it on who and what you choose. Now that being said, I can understand where your parents and partner are coming from.
If your nephew is going to be there and watch your other niblings opening this awesome pile of gifts from Santa (not you, Santa), he's going to feel confused, hurt and left out. To be clear, it's not your responsibility to fulfill the obligation of Santa treats but you are likely to see one sad little boy on Christmas Day.
I agree that I think if you've been estranged from him for a while, asking the remainder of your family to contribute in some way is a sensible solution but if this is your line in the sand, you're not in the wrong.
So, there you have it!
While the reviews were slightly mixed here, most people agreed that it would be wrong to exclude an innocent kid, but it's not exactly the uncle's job to get the gifts for everyone. Regardless, this family needs to have a long overdue discussion as this problem is clearly about something deeper than a few stocking stuffers.