'AITA for feeling uncomfortable about my boyfriend’s 'best friend' and how he handled the whole situation?'
"AITA for feeling uncomfortable about my boyfriend’s 'best friend' and how he handled the whole situation?"
My boyfriend left me at a club after she sent him an “SOS” text. For context he hasn't had a girlfriend in 8 ish years so the whole time these two have been friends. She's got a boyfriend long term and has a house with him.
Alex promised the boyfriend he'd take care of her. Alex and Claire don't live in the same country. OP is also just visiting Alex here. Alex and Claire see each other periodically to catch up but don't maintain much of a relationship online or otherwise in the meantime.
This is long, but I genuinely need outside perspective because I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed and questioning whether I was unreasonable. My boyfriend—let’s call him Alex (25)—has a long-time female best friend, Claire (25). She flew from France to visit him and travel around the Philippines.
Even before she arrived, he told her we were seeing each other, and she apparently responded with “Be careful in Asia”—implying something about women here just wanting to get pregnant, which felt pretty gross and racially insensitive considering I’m Asian. I tried to brush it off and give her the benefit of the doubt.
When she arrived, I wasn’t in town, but I offered for her to stay at my apartment and even left her a handwritten welcome note. She never thanked me directly. When I asked Alex about it later, he just said “she did,” but it felt more like he was covering for her.
She later booked a hotel for her and Alex with only one bed, and while I reluctantly said I was okay with it at the time (trying not to seem controlling), the explanation was that there were no other rooms with two beds left on the whole island—which I later found out wasn’t true at all.
During their trip, she apparently kept picking fights with him—mainly because he wasn’t giving her his full attention. She even got upset when he called me, even though we hadn’t spoken properly in weeks because we were both traveling. I feel like calling your partner is pretty normal?
When they came back to the city, I had been asking about Friday night plans so I could organise my own evening, but nothing was ever clear because Claire “didn’t want to decide yet.” Everything was kind of in limbo, and I kept getting the feeling that everyone was tiptoeing around her moods.
Eventually, Alex came back to our shared home, and Claire checked into a hotel. He invited me to dinner with them. I initially hesitated, but a couple of hours later I told him I would go—for him. Then he told me Claire said she was “uncomfortable” with me coming, so he uninvited me from dinner with my own boyfriend because she was uncomfortable.
Later that night, Claire unfollowed me on Instagram, but followed several of my football teammates, which felt kind of pointed. I went out with friends that night and cried. I was just overwhelmed.
Alex and Claire went somewhere else but bumped into some mutuals, who ended up messaging me asking if we were okay, because it looked like there was “a girl glued to him.”
We later bumped into them at a club. I was genuinely happy to see Alex and we danced with my friends, but he kept trying to get Claire to join us and she wouldn’t. At one point she ran downstairs, so Alex followed her to check on her.
This happened multiple times. I even tried to make eye contact to say hi, but she looked right through me and moved closer to Alex. Friends noticed how possessive she was being.
Eventually some guy had his arms around her, and she left with a group of French people to another club. I thought things were settling down until Alex got an “SOS” message from her saying she was uncomfortable—so he left me at the club to go to her.
I honestly feel a bit traumatised. I have several male best friends, and this has never been an issue in my past relationships. I’ve never experienced someone’s “best friend” acting this territorial, and I’ve never felt so unseen in my own relationship.
He doesn't see how there is a possibility she has feelings or is being possessive because "she's like a sister to me" What should I do? Is this situation as messed up as it feels, or am I just being too sensitive? I don’t want to be controlling, but I also feel completely disrespected.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You are not the bad girl and you are not exaggerating, your discomfort is valid. She was possessive and your boyfriend did not defend you and did not prioritize you. That is a strong red flag.
I'm going to be honest. Half way through this post, I was confused about your relationship to this guy and thought this girl was his girlfriend. Pretty sure that says it all.
Claire is exhibiting strong “pick me” vibes and wants Alex’s attention all on her while she also has a boyfriend. She definitely seems to get off on leading him on and making him respond to her beck and call.
Claire is a mean girl and Alex has shown you that he prioritizes Claire over you. NTA and drop Alex. He can learn the hard way that Claire’s behaviour is disrespectful to you/any of his future girlfriends and that his catering to her will ensure he remains Claire’s plan B.
They shared a bed? And stayed in your apartment together while you were out of town? Are you sure there isn’t something going on between them? This coupled with both of their behaviors seem highly suspicious.
OverallTechnology407 (OP)
Yeah apparently her boyfriend was okay with it. They've done it before on other friends trips together. Idk it was strange for me too.