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'AITA for being uncomfortable contributing a lot of money for my brother's baby shower?'

'AITA for being uncomfortable contributing a lot of money for my brother's baby shower?'


"AITA for being a little uncomfortable contributing a lot of money for my brother's baby shower?"

So quick facts I (30 F) have a brother (33M). He and his husband (34M) are in the process of adopting 2 babies from 2 different women. My brother makes about 95K and his husband makes about 80K, both are teachers in high paying districts.

I am a single person and make about 60K (also a teacher) and I just bought a house last year. I do not get paid over the summer, and I am in 2 weddings coming up which also takes a lot of money.

My brother and his husband are understandably very excited and want to have a baby shower to help get stuff for possibly 2 babies. One baby is due Sept 26th and the other is Oct 15th.

Here is where things get a bit dicey. They (mostly my brother) wants to have a big fancy baby shower with possibly 100 guests or more. He said it will be like a mini wedding and even got into a fight with his MIL about the cost of a venue and expecting them to shell out the money for it. She called him spoiled and he got very offended.

Of course I want to help out as much as I can I offered to make the invitations and to help organize stuff. But as I talked with my brother I realized just how much he is expecting me and his SIL (31 F) to contribute since all the parents and themselves are paying over $6,500 for the venue/food/drink.

From what I understand he mentioned we would cover decorations, center pieces, favors, setting up, doing the seating chart - which is reasonable. But then he started to mention a mini bottles of Champagne for each person as a favor, a photo booth, and other extras like that, on top of a gift. (I was told I could get the other crib or bassinet since SIL is getting one about $350.)

When I said all of that is a lot of money he said "Just be glad I'm not asking you to contribute to paying for the venue like I was going to originally do". Of course I want to spoil my nieces and to help out as much as I can, and maybe it's that they just expect me to put out all this money without asking.

I've also always been the money conscious one and even helped bail my bother out of credit card debt a few years ago. (just 3K and he did eventually pay me back).

So AITAH? Also how much do siblings generally contribute towards a baby shower?

What do you think? AITA? Or is she being reasonable? This is what top commenters had to say:


NTA. No, no, no. Your brother having children is not your financial burden, and a big fancy baby shower like this is absolutely ridiculous! It is a baby shower, not a wedding! He’s using you all to throw himself a big lavish party, and sounds like the family have all crumbled to his whim!

You need to put in boundaries and explain what you are willing to spend, and nothing more. His MIL is right, he is acting like a spoilt brat!


NTA. It's a world gone crazy, I tell ya. Since when are baby showers such huge, elaborate events?? Buy/do what you can afford/want, and that's enough already. Then thank your brother profusely for not asking you to contribute to the cost of the venue. NOT.


NTA This is not a baby shower. This is not about either daughter. This is a DADDY shower, because it sounds like Daddy wants a fabulous, glamorous shower with him at the centre. Tell him to cut his coat to suit his cloth.


NTA Friends and family do usually host baby showers BUT those are showers they plan and organize. Typically they are held in homes, church halls expensive venue rental required. Your brother wants a massive party which is his choice but he then is responsible for paying. Frankly, I think it is gauche but to each his/her/their own


NTA. The normal amount to contribute is ZERO. $6500 for a baby shower for people on teacher salaries is OUTRAGEOUS. wtf. That’s more than 10% of your annual salary. That’s more than you bring home in a month. Pay anything over $100 now, then you are setting yourself up to pay for a whole bunch of shit later.

And said:

No ma'am absolutely not. No one needs a baby shower that damn expensive. If they want all that extra shit they can damn well pay for it. Babies don't need fancy outfits to start out. It's all poopy diapers, spit up and very little sleep. If they are puling in $177k a year, then they need to be paying for all that stuff. Mini-champagne bottles at a baby shower? Nope. His MIL is right- he is spoiled.

And they expect a gift on top of it. Tell him no, you can't contribute monetarily. You will do the invites and help organize and that's it. If he gets pissy, tell him that he has a dual income home and you are single and have a life outside of his/their children.

In my experience, unless the sibling is throwing the shower, they don't contribute money. They do things like set-up/clean up, allow the shower to be hosted at their home. NTA

Sources: Reddit
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