'AITA for feeling uncomfortable that my FIL wants to purchase my student loans?'
"AITA for feeling uncomfortable that my FIL wants to purchase my student loans?"
I (27 F) and my husband (27 M) have only been married for a little over a year. We went to college together, and we both went to graduate school separately. I was in the unique position to be able to pay off my graduate school bills myself, but I still have about $20k in student loans from undergraduate to pay off. My husband still has almost $50k of loans from graduate school to pay off.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband told me he was going to ask for advice from his dad (who works in finance) about whether it would be smarter for us to try to consolidate our loans.
Later, my husband told me that his dad offered to buy our loans out and we can pay him with only a 4% interest rate (our current interest rate is 8%). All of the money we pay toward the interest will be put in a high-yield savings account that we can have back when we are done paying off the loans.
I thought this sounded very generous, so I agreed that I would do this as long as his dad agreed to sign a short contract explaining the terms. I really didn't think this would be a problem, and thought I was being really pragmatic about this.
I don't want to suddenly owe $20k to someone without the terms clearly explained. My husband agreed and talked to his dad about this. Fast forward to about a week later, my husband told me his dad "isn't interested" in signing any sort of contract with us.
My husband really changed his attitude from being supportive to telling me that it was kind of "offensive" and "paranoid" for me to ask his dad to sign a contract when "he's doing this out of the kindness of his heart to help us." FIL said that the initial email he sent explaining the plan should be sufficient for me.
Now I feel really weird and uncomfortable about the whole thing. Signing a contract shouldn't be that big of a deal, in my opinion. I am debating on whether to tell my husband I will just continue to pay my own loans without entering into this arrangement.
Am I being silly/the AH to feel weird about this, or should I go ahead and enter into a very generous financial agreement that is ultimately meant to benefit me? FIL told my husband I need to "get used to this kind of love." I can't help but think that "this kind of love" feels controlling and dismissive...
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
It’s weird that he doesn’t want to sign a contract that would ensure he continues to get paid? That is weird and unfortunate how he responded. Even more unfortunate how your husband responded. I’m sorry ): def NTA.
Maybe you can thank FIL when the moment feels right and say something about not mixing money with fam? To smooth it over? But I also don’t think you owe him that either if you don’t want to.
It really seems like the FIL, since he "works in finance" would want a contract and have a payment schedule. This does feel like it could turn controlling easily.
The contract actually protects FIL. This is not strange though. My cousin had a hunch of very high interest credit card loans that were burying her. I paid them off and then she gave me a promissory note to pay me back at 5%. It worked out great. If you’re more comfortable just give your FIL a promissory note with the terms as you think they are. It does not require him to sign it.
NTA. FIL wants to take the loans and have you give him money for as long as he wants without any accountability. I wouldn't do it either. If he really wanted to be nice he would have readily agreed to sign a contract.
NTA...he works in finance but doesn't see the need for a contract? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Paying even 50.00 to 100.00 extra a month to principal only will take months to years off of the total. I wouldn't do anything without a contract.
NTA. For this amount of money, you both need to be protected with a contract. Contracts have three conditions: offer, acceptance, and consideration. You never know what the future holds and FIL would be free to change to change the terms. While the concept of oral contracts exists, it’s usually for significantly less than is at issue here. Go with your gut.
I’d be uncomfortable with this. This is no small amount and you are wise to want to protect yourself. I’d consult your own legal representative and see what their advice is. Protecting yourself peace is never a bad thing.
NTA. Contracts protect both the lendee and the lender. To me, him not wanting to do a contract means one of two things. Either lending money at this scale outside of a bank or other financial institution is prohibited to him because of his job (especially if he's bonded in some way), or it's about control and being able to hold the $20k over you for however long the loan is outstanding.
Either reason is enough for you to leave your loans right where they are. I would also recommend checking your state's laws to ensure that if your husband refinances his loans with his father that the new loan doesn't become a marital debt/property instead of just his responsibility as it is now.
NTA. His response heavily implies there will be strings attached. Even if there aren't, why wouldn't he want you to feel comfortable with the arrangement?? And I completely agree that "this kind of love" does sound controlling and dimissive. This would be a hard pass for me.
NTA it is very odd that he wouldn’t appreciate your wish to keep things professional and protect each party’s interest financially. All relationships have the potential to deteriorate so having all the terms spelled out in a legal document is smart.
It certainly isn’t denying any kind of love. I think you should thank him for the offer but continue to pay your own loan. Maybe you can find your own way tor refinance to a more advantageous rate.