'AITA for not wanting to split the check evenly at a friend's birthday dinner?'
"AITA for not wanting to split the check evenly at a friend's birthday dinner?"
To preface, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m cheap/frugal, but I am definitely rather less fortunate and prefer to save as much as I can. I am a college student with a dependent (sibling, our parents out of the picture) so it's very important that I make good financial decisions.
This weekend I got invited to a friend's birthday celebration and dinner. I wasn’t sure if I could attend, but I had some extra spending cash and decided I would go and be there for my friend.
When I arrived I realized the restaurant was a lot fancier than I thought, I felt a little embarrassed for being underdressed (wore a hoodie and flip flops) and apologized but left it at that.
The food was way more expensive than I was expecting, and I just got water, salad, and a cheap side to try and covertly blend in with everyone else splurging at the table to avoid further embarrassment.
They got multiple appetizers, multiple desserts - some people got multiple sides. When the check came it was extremely expensive, and they said we were going to split it evenly.
I texted my friend explaining that I was completely blindsided by this and I tried to keep my dinner costs low, so I asked if it was okay if she just excluded me from the split payment idea and just let me pay the cost of my meal.
She then called me out in front of everybody and said I not only showed up underdressed and embarrassed her, but I also ruined her night by refusing to pay.
She then said that she was the only one that should be expecting not to pay because its her birthday. I then realized that she wasn't even paying for her own meal, it was being divided among all of us.
Growing up I was always taught that when you invite people out, you should expect to pay for them or at the very minimum pay for yourself. Is that wrong?
Everyone at the table blamed me for being cheap, and “clearly not knowing how to dress myself.' I wasn’t even told it was a fancy event, just to show up at the address provided.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this:
Basic-Regret-6263 said:
ESH. Don't roll up like a slob to someone's birthday party at a nice restaurant (if you can google directions to the restaurant, you can spend an extra few seconds finding out about the restaurant). That being said, it's kinda sh%tty to invite others to buy you a birthday dinner, so your friend was an as$hole as well.
Substantial_Chard314 said:
Very mild YTA because, once your noticed how fancy the restaurant was, you should have texted your friend and told her you were leaving and why.
As for splitting the check, that's a bunch of bs and I NEVER agree to that unless I am with close friends. You are only responsible for paying for your dinner. Finally, a real friend would not have treated you this way.
Funny-Swordfish-2573 said:
I despise equal splits on expensive dinners. There’s always someone sitting there, stomach full of salad and bread, who can’t pay bills if they contribute more than they ate. And honey, I’m sorry, but she’s not really your friend. NTA.
ianounknown said:
NTA - easy way to handle this. Go to the waiters and tell them what you had & pay for your portion & then leave. Very simple. Ditch the friends as well because they aren't your friends.
No way in hell im paying for all the shit they ordered when all i got was water salad & small side. F$k that. If they wanted to split evenly, then it should have been talked about BEFORE dinner.
SpicyTurtle38 said:
ESH. You shouldn’t have to subsidize your other friends’ meals, but it is absolutely true that the birthday person shouldn’t pay for their own meal. While it would be better for the friends to discuss and agree to this in advance, it’s pretty standard to treat the birthday person.
greenwitchcat said:
NTA, though as a bunch of other commenters say, next time look up the menu/dress code beforehand it just makes life easier.
I hate the whole splitting the bill thing, hell no! not when ya’ll got $50 worth of food and i’m over here with my $10 meal and drink. It would’ve been fine if you just split the bday girls meal and paid for your own but she was asking for too much.
Liss78 said:
NTA It's not fair to everyone to just split the bill evenly. You pay for what you ordered and chip in extra to cover the birthday person. That's it. That's how it's done. You aren't responsible for other people's drinks or expensive meals.