'AITA for uninviting my best friend to my wedding?' 'He has been very passive aggressive.'
"AITA for uninviting my best friend to my wedding?"
My best friend (25m) (we will call James) and I knew each other since high school but only became friends afterwards. I (25f) got a boyfriend (26m) (Alex) last year. James started making weird remarks, such as, "don't you think Alex looks like me?" When they look nothing alike.
Alex and I got engaged a couple months ago and James was butt-hurt that he wasn't part of it. He asked me "What's wrong with you" and put his fingers to his head. He has been very passive aggressive towards my now fiancé Alex. We both have talked to James about his actions and trying to address them but all he would say is "I don't have a problem with Alex" in a very annoyed and exasperated tone.
When my fiancé reached out to be friends with him, each time James arrived late or canceled at the last minute. When Alex and I were planning on moving in together, James was originally supposed to move in with us to help mitigate the cost of rent.
Alex and I both had time constraints about when our leases were up, and instead of helping, James always flaked whenever we made appointments to see apartments, or would schedule it deliberately during times Alex had to work. At that point James didn't have a job yet, since he just move back to town.
After we signed a rental lease without him, he made passive aggressive comments about us moving in without him, such as "Oh, I guess you just want it the two of you."
Another time, he was upset was when Alex and I went on a date together, claiming he had a panic attack because he wasn't invited. I had to explain that I wasn't going to invite him on my dates, and that he's not a part of my romantic relationship.
Now he's complaining that we didn't give him sympathy over something he could have removed himself from, and shouldn't have been a part of to begin with. I offered my help and he didn't want it, saying "all he wanted was us to give his sympathy, even if it's false sympathy," which I do not support. You either want my help or you don't, but you're not gonna demand my attention.
Alex and I are getting married next year and James will not be invited for the disrespect he has directed to Alex, and for trying to insert himself into my relationship. In other conversations I've had with him recently, James is still under the impression that because of our history as friends that he's still invited to the wedding. Am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
oliviamrow said:
I know it will be tempting for people to say that this guy is in love with you, but he is not; he thinks he owns you. He might also THINK he's in love with you, but it doesn't matter, he does not respect your autonomy as a person, let alone your relationship with someone else.
He's making himself your worst friend instead of your best friend and you are absolutely right to distance yourself. It has nothing to do with Alex and everything to do with him not respecting you, regardless of your history. NTA. He's not your friend.
Billie_is_tripping said:
NTA. James sees you as more than a friend. Ripping off the bandaid and moving on with your life without him is what you need to do. You do not need a third person causing drama in your marriage. Be very clear with him that you are no longer interested in maintaining the relationship.
nerdcoffin said:
NTA. Time to ghost. He seems a bit unhinged and unreasonable. Not up to you to help him out of it considering the way he treats you.
LouisV25 said:
NTA. Your life has evolved beyond this friendship. He clearly has a things for you and seems jealous. Your fiancé has tried. Time to let this friendship go. Don’t torture your fiancé anymore.
rotmonster said:
NTA. Nothing really else I can add that hasn't already been said other than shout out to your fiance for having the patience of a fucking saint for putting up with this guy for you.
Bubbly_Heart4772 said:
NTA. This “friend” is only your friend because he thought he had a chance with you