'AITA for uninviting my BIL's 'extremely annoying' fiancée from my wedding?' UPDATED

"AITA for uninviting my BIL's extremely annoying fiancée from my wedding?"

I (27 F) and my husband (26 M) have decided to uninvite his brother's fiancée from our wedding. We have been together for nine years and secretly eloped last year. Our wedding is next year. His brother started causally seeing this girl a couple years ago.

Well, she ghosted him after they had only been hanging out for a few months and blocked him on everything. We all found her instagram because she was public and saw that she had just gotten engaged to someone else and showed my BIL the evidence.

Then a few months later, he started texting her again. I told him if she cheated on her then fiancé with you, what makes you think she wont do that to you? He ignored everything his family and I were warning him and then officially started dating her in January of last year. In February, they both walked into a family party wearing wedding rings.

He moved from state A (where we are all originally from) to State B (where we live now) in the first week of Feb and she told him she was pregnant to get him to stay. In March of last year, she broke up with him and went to a hotel room with multiple of his friends.

One of his friends told my BIL that she was trying to hook up with them and he did not believe them because they had gotten back together the following day. I have seen her instagram stories of her at this hotel room with his friends, in his friend's car, and in their apartments eating dinner with his friends all while they were broken up for a few weeks.

They got back together and my BIL moved her from state A to state B to where my husband and I live.

I find her extremely annoying and my husband and I cannot stand to have a conversation or let alone be in the same room with her. This has damaged our relationship with my bro-in-law because he knows no one in the family likes her. She has caused so many more issues between the family and I no longer have a relationship with my husband's family here (another story for another time).

Just last week, the fiancé messaged my husband's cousin in State A, who I am VERY close with and went on a rant about me. She accused me of sleeping around on my husband in a hotel room which is not true. I have never cheated on him.

She also said my MIL told her my husband was going to break off the engagement because I had said I didn't like her even though we're already married but they don't know that. We have caught her in MANY lies and I feel like she's trying to destroy my character.

I have tried to reason with her and make amends a few months ago and everything was fine, but then she started ignoring my husband and I and being rude to us at family parties. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt because she has bipolar but does not medicate for it. Those messages to his cousin was my final straw.

I called a family friend who is a lawyer asking if I can sue her for defamation and told my husband that she is no longer invited to the wedding and this is something I am not willing to compromise on. My husband says we should still invite her because it will cause a rift in his family and may ruin his relationship with his brother. I really don’t want her there after the lies she is spreading about me.

Makes me think that if she’s willing to destroy my character, what will she do at my wedding? We are talking to them tomorrow to let her know she is uninvited. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

SnooWords4839 said:

FFS - Hubby needs to open his eyes! If this causes a riff in his family, it is on her, not you. Why the hell would either of you want her at your wedding? BIL needs to shut her down, he would be smarter to break up with crazy.

[deleted] said:

Don't invite. She is a walking piece of garbage, and it's unfortunate your BiL can't see it. Do what's best for you and your wedding. If you feel she will be a dumpster fire, make sure you don't give her that chance. NTA.

As an addendum: Tell your husband to pick who is at the wedding: you or her? If she shows up, you will leave before saying I do. The time has come for him to choose who is important to him. The wife of his brother or his soon to be wife...

bayshorevgllc said:

Tell your husband SIL has already caused a rift in the family. Tell him you refuse to be a doormat.

Bonnm42 said:

NTA your husband is making a huge mistake. If she ruins your wedding, nothing he can say will fix that. That is something that can’t be undone.

And snarkaluff said:

Uninviting her wont cause a riff in the family, there already is a riff. It's your wedding and you can invite or uninvite whoever you want! She's making up lies about you and trying to break up your marriage, why TF should she be at your wedding?

Your wedding should be to celebrate your love with the people who support you and mean the most to you. She is not one of those people. Give BIL an invite with no plus one or uninvite him too

She later shared this update on the situation:

I met with my BIL but he only wanted to meet with me and my husband without her. I tried to tell him all red flags the family and I see about her. He said she’s back on her meds even thought her instagram profile was a picture of her butt the other day and continues to lie about them being married/pregnant. My BIL confirmed that they’re not when we talked.

I told him based on her lies of me and my husband and causing so many issues, she was taken off our guest list and will not be able to attend the wedding. He asked if there was a possibility that it could change. I mentioned that we have until the month of the wedding to decide, but mostly likely not. She made her bed and now she has to lay in it.

My husband is a people pleaser and wants everyone to get along so he told his brother there is a possibility that she could still be invited. However, I am standing my ground on this. I will not allow her to spread lies about me cheating on my husband and let her still come to the wedding. My BIL wants the four of us to talk.

My husband and I told him that if we all sit down and talk, hubby will ask her why she lies so much and I will list every reason why she won’t be attending this wedding. She will probably end up crying to my MIL because she doesn’t like confrontation and has told on me before when I called her out for being petty. My MIL is trying to convince my husband to let her come to the wedding.

She has been allowing the fiancé to treat her son and the rest of the family this way. I told my BIL that him, his mother, and some others in this family are enabling her bad behavior. My husband knows how manipulating his narcissistic mother is but he says he’s on my side about this.

My BIL wishes we could all have a better relationship with her but I told him that she did this to herself. My husband and I have read every comment and want to thank everyone for their support and advice. Posting this on Reddit has also helped my husband realize that I’m not overreacting by wanting to uninvite her. I actually feel like he’s hearing me and having my back for once.