'AITA for uninviting my friend’s plus-one to my wedding by after they broke up?'
"AITA for uninviting my friend’s plus one to my wedding by after they broke up?"
I (F, 30) am getting married in June. One of my friends/coworkers of almost 10 years just broke up with his gf last week. They’ve been slowly breaking up for the past year, but finally called it last week. They’ve been together for 6 years I think, so I know the ex decently well.
She was friends with a couple of the girls in the group, but she and I never hung out one-on-one or even as two couples, I just saw her at group events. I also don’t like her very much. She is kind of a mooch and overall a very negative person. I also didn’t like how she spoke to my friend on numerous occasions (talking down to him) but was willing to be supportive while they were together.
She also made my fiancé uncomfortable, like touchy sometimes. Now that they are broken up, she texted me and asked about her RSVP status. The website wouldn’t allow her to RSVP just for herself since she is attached to my friend as his date. She didn’t necessarily ask, she just said, “I am trying to RSVP for myself, if that’s okay with you.”
I replied and expressed some compassion for the breakup, but since I’ve been friends with the guy for a long time and I wanted him to be able to enjoy the event with all of our mutual friends who are also attending, I said I’d prefer if just he went.
I also said it was a dynamic I was uncomfortable with on my wedding day, as it would presumably be the first time they saw each other post breakup since she flew back to another state to live with her family and they are no contact.
I didn’t tell her this part, but I also have a medium sized wedding with many people on the backup list we would like to make room for that I actually want to see and interact with. She’s upset with me, understandably. But we don’t have a relationship outside of her now ex, and I didn’t want drama on my wedding day. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the dynamic.
No_Egg_3139 wrote:
I mean you’re literally never gonna see her again. If you’re never going to see someone again, the most you owe them is the kind of basic courtesy you’d show a stranger. As long as you’re civil, you’re not obligated to go out of your way—being an asshole would require more than just keeping your distance.
Deep-Okra1461 wrote:
NTA. I would have tried to be nice about it but I would have made sure she got the truth "You were invited as a plus one for my friend. Since the two of you are no longer together, there is no invitation extended to you." Part of breaking up is you lose any perks you may have received being part of a couple. One perk for her was being able to attend your wedding.
momofthe-wild3 wrote:
NTA. She was a +1, not a regular invited guest. So, if she’s not attending with that guest then she’s not attending at all. And honestly, you don’t actually like her so I wouldn’t give it another thought. If she reaches out again just plainly tell her, “I’m sorry but you are not invited to my wedding. I wish you well in the future.“
PikaGurl332 wrote:
NTA. Though I am curious how you addressed the initial invitation. Was it to your friend AND her with both names or to friend + 1. Neither of those change my vote but I’m curious simply because if she wasn’t expressly named on the invite it would have been wildly entitled of her to have assumed she was invited at all.
Lisbei wrote:
NTA. Look, before my break up, me and my ex were invited to a wedding of one of my friends from university. (This was long before the online RSVP era, lol) Then we broke up, but I still went to the wedding, on my own, of course!
In retrospect, it was pretty horrible because I was devastated at the time, I should have stayed home and I’m sure my uni friends would have understood. So anyway, she shouldn’t have needed to ask if she was still invited , obviously not.
Funset8614 wrote:
NTA. It's your wedding and you can invite or uninvite whoever you want. It's nobody's business why. And she was just your friend's date not a friend on her own. Maybe should have given your friend a plus one instead of naming her. But yeah invite someone from the backup list that didn't make the cut the first time. You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything because it's your day.
meekonesfade wrote:
NAH. She was only friends with you and getting a plus one through him. No relationship= no plus one = no invite. Too bad she didn't figure that out on her own.
Adding on - if she considered you a friend, she may have still thought she was, or might be invited, and was seeking clarification. I wouldn't assume she had any bad intentions (like making a scene) or even over stepped by making sure she was no longer invited.
lobotomymammi wrote:
NTA; you feel bad because you seem like a nice person. However, this person isn’t your friend! It’s also slightly insane to think that she’s still invited to her ex’s friends wedding.
Impossible_Rain_4727 wrote:
NTA: You didn't uninvite her. She was never an invited guest. She was simply an invited guest's plus one.
That invited guest is the one who gets to choose who (if anyone) he brings as his plus one to the event.
elegant_bluebird_460 wrote:
NTA. You did the right thing. She's upset, but a big part of that probably has more to do with realizing her breakup means losing friends rather than just your response to her itself. She's going to have to adjust. That's not on you.