'AITA for uninviting my husband’s ex-SIL from our wedding after suspecting she might steal the spotlight?'

"AITAH for uninviting my husband’s ex-SIL and her fiancé from our wedding party after suspecting they wanted to steal the spotlight?"

Hey gang! Buckle up, this one’s a bit of a ride. So, my (32F) now husband (34M) and I got married yesterday! We kept it super small - just us and our 8 closest people. We’ve been together for nine years, and after going through a really rough year (infertility struggles, miscarriage), we decided to secretly tie the knot.

We planned a surprise for everyone: next week, we’re hosting what people think is an engagement party, but mid-party, we’re going to announce, “Surprise! We’re actually already married, and this is really our wedding party!”

Enter my MIL.

We asked our eight guests to keep it quiet because we really wanted the big reveal. But apparently, my MIL had other plans.

A little background - my husband’s brother was married to M, and they have a daughter together. M is still somewhat involved in the family, and she’s now engaged to G. G has a history of making things about himself at family events, but whatever, we tolerate him.

Last year, when we sent out invites, M and G said they couldn’t come because they had another wedding to attend. Cool, no problem.

A few weeks ago, my MIL casually asked if M had texted me because apparently they might be able to make it now. I said no, she hadn’t. At this point, I was too busy with wedding planning to check in - I figured if they wanted to come, they’d let me know.

Then, last week, I logged onto Facebook and saw M & G’s engagement announcement. Didn’t think much of it - until I found out my MIL had told them about our secret wedding.

And suddenly, things started to feel… off.

The red flags: 1. They went on two vacations in the past couple of months - one literally a week before the engagement. But G decided to propose randomly at a café back home? 2. The proposal just so happened to be exactly a week before our wedding. 3. G has a track record of trying to make everything about him. 4. Despite my MIL saying they were coming, M still hadn’t told me they were coming.

So, I decided to check in. I texted M: “Congrats on your engagement!” Then followed up with: “On that note, my MIL mentioned you’ll be at our party, but you originally said you couldn’t make it. Is this true?”

She responded: “Yes! We’re so excited!”

And that’s when it clicked.

My gut told me that G saw this as an opportunity to get showered with congrats at our party. Like, suddenly, after finding out it’s actually a wedding celebration, they’re super eager to attend? Yeah, okay.

So here’s where I might be the @$$hole:

I told M that since they didn’t RSVP and the guest list had been finalized a while ago, they wouldn’t be able to come. I also said I hoped they could understand that event planning is stressful.

M just responded, “Yeah, I understand. Also, congrats on the wedding!”

…which annoyed me. Felt a little cheeky. So I replied, “Well, that was supposed to be a secret. But thanks anyway.”

Later, during our wedding meal, my MIL casually asked, “What if they just show up anyway?” My husband, who usually avoids conflict, firmly shut it down, saying they originally said they couldn’t come, so they’re not coming. But I have this gut feeling they will still rock up to the party now as that comment from MIL makes me think she just told them to come anyway.

Now my MIL thinks I’m the @$$hole for uninviting them. So, AITAH?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Judgmental_puffer said:

Hire security, instruct them not to let extra people in. Especially M and G. Enjoy your party. Problem solved. Also, congratulations ? Also, tell MIL if she tries to ruin your party, she’ll be made to leave as well

OP responded:

I’m going to speak to the venue tomorrow and check if they offer a security on the door and I will give them a guest list. My bestie already offered to do that in case it won’t be offered. I do feel that MIL has crossed few boundaries and she prioritises M&G who is technically not a family over her actual son & me which suuuuucks!

Critical_Armadillo32 said:

Do you have any strong, muscular friends who will be attending who could serve as security? I would definitely come up with a plan to block their admittance. They were told no. They agreed to no. Your mother-in-law has a big no...se. keep them out.

OP responded:

Will speak to the venue tomorrow to check if that’s something they offer on the door, if not my friend said she will be happy to do that as long as I give her guest list. She is a girl, but I wouldn’t mess with her as I know she will shut it down.

Let’s hope they won’t be so silly and won’t attend but I will update you if it’s juicy.

lilyofthevalley2659 said:

MIL should never be trusted again.

OP responded:

Lesson learned.

FelineGood8 said:

Your MIL doesn’t like/love you. What a crappy person to reveal your plans to your SIL. I really would reiterate to your MIL she better not have encouraged her daughter to crash the party. Tell her if they come you and your husband will go no contact with them as she cannot be trusted to have your best interests at heart.

Nydolphingirl said:

I don’t understand why these people are invited

It’s your brother in laws ex wife and her new partner? This does not make sense

OP responded:

It’s a family dynamic that I have no control over.

murphy2345678 said:

Your husband needs to talk to his mom. He needs to tell her that under no circumstances are they coming. That they will NOT steal his spotlight and if they do show up they will be removed. If she has a problem then she shouldn’t come either.

OP responded:

He was happy to do it straight away, but I stopped him as it was such a small wedding I didn’t want any weird vibes over the weekend so told him not to. He does agree it was wrong and is on my side, I wouldn’t settle for less. Also it’s not just M&G she told there is more people who knows… Boundaries definitely not respected but we felt it’s the right choice not to say anything at the time.

Starry-Dust4444 said:

They already announced their engagement via social media so I’m not sure why you think those two will take the spotlight away from you & husband at your wedding. Your reasoning seems a little off to me. I mean, if those two are always trying to make everything about them, why were they even invited in the first place?

And OP responded:

I see what you’re saying, but this would be the first time all the family and friends are together in one place. As we know, it would be a mix of congratulations for both them and us - a shared spotlight. Given what he’s done at family gatherings before, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did something to make sure everyone knew. He’s quite an interesting character.

Announcing it on Facebook is one thing, but telling people in person is another. I understand that without the full background, opinions might be mixed.