'AITA for uninviting my sister from our wedding after she gave out info about it to my fiancée's bio parents?'
"AITA for uninviting my sister from our wedding after she gave out info about it to my fiancée's bio parents?"
Wedding is next weekend. My fiancee purposely did not tell her biological parents that she was engaged or anything about our wedding. Her biological parents never did anything "wrong", per se, my fiancee just doesn't view them as her family and the topic makes her uncomfortable.
A couple of years ago her birth mother tried to reach out to me and a few other member's of our family on FB and one message reached my sister, who decided to stick her nose where it didn't belong because she "feels for" my fiancee's mother. I went low contact with my sister after that.
Sister was originally invited to our wedding, mostly because my mom wanted it. However we figured out last week that my sister had shared our wedding invitation and website with my fiance's biological father. Her bio parent's then bought something off the registry and sent along a note to our house.
Sister's excuse is that we didn't tell her that she wasn't allowed to share that info and that there's nothing wrong with a gift. To me, this is common f-king sense especially since you know the reason we don't talk to you unless we have to anymore.
So I said sorry, but you're no longer coming. My mom is so upset and keeps insisting I'll regret it one day. My sister is trying to say she already made a "monetary investment" for shoes, hair, a makeup artist appointment, a hotel by the venue, etc.
Imo if she cared so much then she would have thought about her actions. My fiancee is starting to break down because my mom called her crying and I said nope.
Even if you're okay with it, I'm not. Kin doesn't do kin like that. And to be clear, I said my BIL is welcome to come with my neices, because I don't want them to be left out of the party all their cousins get to go to.
ETA: I guess I didn't make this clear, my fiancee was adopted when she was a few months old. Her adoptive parents are the people she considers her parents and they're very involved with the wedding and her life.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Cultural_Mastodon_89 said:
NTA. I think most people commenting have missed the point that According to OP's post, they are her "bio" parents, not the parents who raised her, and only reached out to her 2 years ago, hence her having no relationship with them.
I'd be upset with the betrayal OP's sister showed. She knew there was no contact or relationship between them and gave them all the info anyway.
TimeEnvironmental687 said:
At the end of the day, this is your and your fiancée's special day, and you have to do what feels right for you two. Your sister made a mistake, and while it sucks that she's out money, that's on her. You're not obligated to let her come just because she spent some cash.
Content_Print_6521 said:
People should NEVER get involved in another's private relationships, or not, with their exes, adoptive parents, bio parents, et al -- it's presumptious and judgemental. Your sister is saying your fiance is wrong that she doesn't want to be close to the people who gave her up.
But that's the choice they made, not her, and she has the right to her feelings. Your sister had no right to do this, and she should have to live with the consequences.
MNConcerto said:
NTA, adoptee here. Adopted at 6 weeks. My parents are the ones who raised me. Your sister is the AH, majorly. I do have contact with my bio dad but didn't find him until I was in my 50s. There are good boundaries there and he would never behave like that. Your sister and your wife's bio parents are out of line.
koneu said:
Of course your sister wanted to be there. She wanted to see everyone's reaction to her scheming to have the bio parents there. Of course she wanted to look good for the occasion – she probably had a story in her head of how she would bring together the family for good. NTA, of course.
Ok_Young1709 said:
Nta. If your fiancée doesn't want a relationship with them, she doesn't have to, and your stupid sister has to deal with the consequences of over stepping. I'd be warning my mother too that if she keeps crying like a baby and trying to guilt us, especially my fiancée, she will join sister on the banned list.