"AITA for uninviting my soon to be MIL from my wedding?"

I (f27) am engaged to my fiancé (m45) and we plan to get married in July. I have two kids with my late husband. My soon to be MIL (who I will refer to as MIL) does not know this full context as I am a private person and am not overly close with her.

He passed when I was 23 and I really only discuss his passing once I am incredibly close with someone (I have only spoken to MIL at a handful of holidays and never had a conversation that extended far beyond the basics).

Now to get into this, we recently hosted our first Thanksgiving! I felt very accomplished and was excited to share this moment with my soon to be family. The only issue being that I had totally forgotten the mashed potatoes, which seemed to have MIL in a very pissy mood.

Thankfully, fiancé’s sister offered to go to the store to buy some instant mashed potatoes to which I was very grateful. She asked me to check in on her youngest daughter, who was in an upstairs bedroom with my kids and had been very quiet recently (moms of reddit know this is never a good thing!). I, of course, agree. I go to check on them and find them fully engrossed in Encanto.

Left sitting at the table downstairs were my soon to be MIL, FIL, BIL, fiancé, and most importantly: SIL’s oldest daughter (F15). As I make my way downstairs I do note the silence at the table but don’t think much of it. After the dinner, however, while everyone is leaving SIL’s oldest daughter pulls me aside and asks to be speak to me.

I ask her if everything is okay and she explains that while I was gone MIL made a comment something to the note of how she didn’t get why fiancé would get with someone who is already “used-up” and that running around with someone like that would ruin his reputation among men.

Along with another comment that she said she wasn’t comfortable repeating, she said she wouldn’t have felt right if she hadn’t told me. I thanked her profusely, honestly completely in shock at what I had just heard. MIL had already left at this point, I am a very confrontational person because I believe it gets drama over with.

I called her and asked her if it was true and she got really quiet before admitting that it was. She said, something along the lines of, “I am glad you know how everyone feels now, I was getting tired of hiding it.” When I started to cry she replied, and this is a direct quote, “You act like a $lµt you get treated like one.”

In a moment of anger I uninvited her from my my wedding. My fiancé is very upset and is threatening to leave if I don’t fix this all now. He and our friends are all calling me the Ahole, and many have been ostracizing me. I am open to criticism but I really don’t think I did anything wrong. So, AITA for uninviting my soon to be MIL from my wedding?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

needlenest said:

I would uninvite myself from the wedding. That sounds like a horrible situation. I’m so sorry 😞. I don’t understand how your fiancé thinks your the asshole!?? If he doesn’t have your back now, he never will. I’m so sorry, OP. NTA

Cat_Lilac_Dog22 said:

NTA and you have a fiancé problem. He should have stood up for you. Hell, the only person there with the integrity to stand up for you at all was a 15 year old. Think about how this woman is going to treat your children. They deserve better. You deserve better.

college-girl-22 said:

You are absolutely NTA. The things she said were beyond horrible. Your fiancé let this woman say horrible things about you in your own home, then he had the audacity to be mad at you for your reaction. I hope you kick him to the curb and find a man who not only loves you but respects you.

The only people who aren't AH in this situation are you, your kids and the 15 year old. You deserve better than a 45 year old who still trips over his umbilical cord.

Astra_Bear said:

NTA, but if your fiance leaves you because you stood up to that kind of behaviour, you might want to find a new one.

OkSeat4312 said:

Your BF is not marriage material. At 45 he has had plenty of time to grow into adulthood and hasn’t. Break off the engagement and leave, asap. If you marry, things will get a lot worse and you can’t put your kids through that-they’ve had enough with the loss of their father.

And Alarmed_Jellyfish555 said:

NTA DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!!!! Yes, his mother as a raging, misogynistic asshole. But your fiance is more of a problem, because he's not only comfortable with his comments, I get the distinct impression he shares a similar opinion. You even mentioned how she implied this is a shared opinion, and NO ONE is defending you or ripping her a new one for what she said? This says EVERYTHING.

You're literally the only person that isn't the asshole in this situation (and the daughter that warned you). This whole family is disgusting. And I don't think it's a coincidence your husband went after someone twenty years younger than he is.

Also, you said "our friends" but do your friends know the real story about what happened? I have a feeling your husband is lying to make himself and his mother look like the victims.

What do you think?