'AITA for unleashing years of resentment on my husband over dinner?'

"AITA for unleashing years of resentment on my husband over dinner?"

To kick off, I HAVE brought all this stuff up several times in the past, in calm settings. Nothing ever changes. We are currently deep in marriage therapy and while A LOT has improved, a lot of things haven't. We have 4 kids combined. I came in to the relationship with 2 kids, he came in with 1 and we have 1 together.

Now, while there are small irritations, of course, most of my resentment is with a rather big issue (in my eyes). I can look past all else. The big issue to me is that he will randomly make life changing decisions for HIMSELF and immediately apply it to the home life without discussion or seemingly without care of how it affects everyone else.

This is everywhere from all the sudden wanting to minimize "clutter" and essentially making us all feel guilty to a point where we get rid of stuff we don't want to get rid of, that he feels is "unnecessary." To things like he decided we need to be healthier and has tried banning foods from the home that we all enjoy because "these are disgusting and processed and we shouldn't be eating it."

To him all the sudden putting limits on all of our electronic usage because he doesn't like it all the sudden. To him throwing out my candles and essential oils because he doesn't want them in the home all the sudden because they "aren't good to be breathed in."

It's never all at once or even often, but it happens at least once a year where he will just change everything in the home and expect blind obedience because he truly feels passionate about "doing whats best for the family." So no, he sees zero problem with doing these things.

And these moments come and go so quickly, like a week or two, that usually its over before it began because he loses interest in it (he's severely ADHD, has the worse impulsive behavior I have ever seen and no, he is not medicated).

So, the last time he had a "flare up" was a year ago, when he essentially banned electronics and threw out all my essential oils and candles without telling me. It led to a massive fight. That's when we started therapy together because I was 1.5 feet out the door.

Things have been great since. But alas, good things come to an end eventually and last night he tells me he will pick up dinner on the way home from work (I am severely ill right now with the flu). Well, he comes home with salmon, cauliflower rice and Brussel sprouts. Our daughter is autistic and will not eat any of this. Not to mention neither me or the other kids like Salmon. We hate it, actually.

And he knows this. He tells us we can "get over it for one night" because its "time we start eating right." I blew a lid, honestly. He knows none of us like this food and no, I will not force my kids to eat something and no, I will not eat something I don't enjoy either and no, I will not send my kids to bed hungry.

Especially when financially, we are in a position where we could get literally any selection of expensive healthy food and he chose the one that none of us like except him. So, I unleashed on him about the fact that he always does this and forces us in to whatever downward spiral he is on that week and I have had enough. I told him to make his own dinner and "shove it up his butt" (mean, whatever).

And then I went to the store and bought something the kids actually like (still healthy, but not salmon) and cooked it for them. When I got back home he was sitting silently on the couch and said I "keep making problems out of nothing and he is at the end of his rope with me."

I told him to bring it up in therapy because I refused to engage with him while ill and having to make unnecessary runs to the store, just to come home and slave over the stove because he cant get over his control issues. It's been radio silent since. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

concernedreader1982 said:

NTA. This is controlling, manipulative behavior. Never have I ever, nor would I ever allow this to happen in my house. These types of decisions need to be made as a partnership. Not just one making these decisions for the whole household. I'd stick to the "bring it up with the therapist" because he is glossing over how controlling he is.

Music_withRocks_In said:

NTA. Frankly, it might be time for a "medicate your ADHD or I'm out" move, because his behavior is abusive, and it's got to be upsetting and scary for the kids to know that at any moment dad could decide to change their life with no warning.

Individual-Foxlike said:

NTA. He's being unreasonable and deserves pushback.

Wise-Requirement2331 said:

NTA. Sounds like pretty intense control issues to me. Can’t really think of any missing details that might explain domineering control he wants to exact on the family.

dooma said:

NTA. He needs to work on his issues instead of trying to control everyone around him.

HoldFastO2 said:

NTA. He doesn't get to make choices for you, and making choices for your kids only happens together with you, not unilaterally. He needs to get over whatever kind of impulse control issues he has, and stop this nonsense.

Fit_Marionberry_3878 said:

NTA. Spend one week making everything he hates that you enjoy and insist that it is a positive change so he has to ensure it. Let’s see how he likes it.