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UPDATE: Mom cancel's daughters sweet sixteen after seeing her homophobic TikTok.

UPDATE: Mom cancel's daughters sweet sixteen after seeing her homophobic TikTok.


Recently, we posted a story about a mother that was appalled when she found a TikTok of her daughter using a homophobic slur. She swiftly punished her by canceling her sweet 16 but then questioned whether she was being fair or not. Well, she posted an update on the Am I the A**hole Subreddit of what she decided to do with her daughter:

She writes:

I've been asked for an update on this situation. Most of you agreed that I was NTA (Not the A**hole), but many pointed out that the punishment did not fit the offense and was just meant to hurt. After thinking it over, I agree.

I decided to sit Pam down and ask her why she had made the video. She kept saying she didn't know and cried. I explained how this could ruin her future, the bullying that people who are LGBTQ+ face and the consequences of said bullying, and how terrible it is that she would do this to someone who has treated her very well for as long as he's known her.

Pam said that several soccer team members had used the f-slur to refer to Bruce after they saw how he was always baking and cooking for fun. She didn't like it but felt if she disagreed, then she would be ostracized. She agreed to delete the video and apologized to Bruce for her actions. He accepted her apology.

Many people suggested that I make Pam and her friends cook for the next team dinner. Soccer season is over, so there are no team dinners until next year. However, Annie's gymnastic class had their family dinner/holiday party on the 16th, which happened to be the same night as the Holiday dance at the high school.

I contacted the parents of the girls who appeared in the video. A few asked to see the video, and all were deeply embarrassed and ashamed. I told them we were willing to delete the video and would not refer it to the school as long as the girls apologized to Bruce, helped prepare the food for the gymnastics dinner, and gave up the dance to volunteer at the party and serve meals.

Every parent I spoke with was very grateful and agreed it was a fair consequence of their actions. So every day after school from Monday - Thursday, the girls came over and worked in our kitchen, cutting up vegetables, boiling pasta, breading chicken, layering lasagna, making buttercream, mixing up cake batter, rolling out cookie dough, cutting cookies, washing dishes, and just about anything else we could find for them.

At the end of Thursday, I asked the girls what part of what they did this week was 'gay.' None of them had an answer. All of them approached Bruce at some point and apologized for being a part of the video.

At the end of the party on Friday, two of the girls asked Bruce if he could teach them how to prepare a few of the meals he had made for team dinners in the past, and he agreed. I realize not every girl who made fun of Bruce may have been in the video, but an unmistakable message was sent. We have decided to hold the sweet sixteen still.

After sitting down with the coach, he explained he'd never heard anything said by the team before, didn't realize it was a team-wide issue, and agreed that it was a fair punishment. He also promised that if he heard any slurs from anyone, it would end their time on the team.

LetsGetsThisPartyOn says:

The internet took time to digest what OP had done. Wow. This is a great update! It seems like all the parents got on board to show silly teenagers that their words hurt. Teenagers do lots of dumb stuff because they are dumb and testing all the boundaries in life.

Having all the adults onboard to band together and explain how this language is hurtful basically and that it is not Ok is the absolute best result. These conversations, along with working with the person they were being hurtful to, will make them empathetic adults who understand why you don’t do things rather than a simple punishment! Good parenting

abirdofparadize says:

'I asked the girls what part of what they did this week was gay.'
I love this.

D_OShae says:

As a gay man who has seen a lot of bullying, it is wrong not to raise this issue with the school. The school needs to know because the horrific group-think needs to be exposed and dealt with on that level. A lot of permanent homophobic attitudes are learned from organized school sports.

One of the fundamental issues here is that Bruce is not gay. Granted, he got singled out by relatively ignorant teenagers because of his interest, but what they did is probably not the first or last time they will do this. They got 'embarrassed' by their parents, missed a single dance, were forced to spend time together doing project cooking, and some were even going to receive cooking lessons.

Those girls did not suffer any real consequences for their actions. I cannot see how this will lead to any lasting change in their behavior since they wound up getting rewarded in the end. I'm sorry, and I know many people will disagree, but the 'punishment' was not a punishment for bullying another human being. This issue got whitewashed.

Well OP only time will tell if your daughter truly has learned her lesson.

Sources: Reddit
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