Romantic gesture goes wrong as girlfriend accuses partner of triggering 'flower trauma.' AITA?
"AITA for being upset that my (19f) girlfriend (28f) left me stranded in the middle of nowhere after being 'triggered?'"
LoadedGun1306
For context, I recently transferred to a new college and I am an immigrant in this country. I met my girlfriend at a club and started dating about 3 months ago. Thing is, I was aware she had many mental complexities and I wasn't 100% familiar with this subject matter due to my upbringing, but I was trying hard for her because I knew I loved her.
I haven't had much time to see her lately because of Uni assignments and activities and stuff, but last weekend, I wanted to take her out on a date because I felt a big guilt and I knew that she didn't like being alone. I took her to a really nice farm area for a nice picnic.
Afterward, we were having a good time, just strolling around and then I picked up a flower and tucked it behind her ear just as what I assumed was a cute gesture. This, however, did not yield the reaction I expected.
She started having a total.. Breakdown? Like, she yanked it out of her hair and threw it really roughly on the ground and I was freaked out and confused, like maybe she had an allergy or something. But no, she started accusing me of “triggering” her.. And I just did not get it.
She started screaming or whisper-screaming about her mom and I guess she had a flower-related trauma somehow. And then she started accusing me of doing that on purpose and she started imploring me to “get away.” Then she ran and I was trying to go after her but she got into her car and drove away and just left me there standing awkwardly and confused.
Some days have passed with her not speaking to me. I ended up taking a taxi back home (it cost me too much…) and I'm still confused. I tried confronting her by sending a long voicemail explaining how she hurt me and how much I loved her, which she ignored for some days.
She spoke to me yesterday, finally, and told me that I shouldn't be upset, that it was my fault for not recognizing that she was having a breakdown and responding appropriately. But I'm not sure if she is even valid because I'm new to this and she wasn't considerate of it at all.
She never told me about the flowers, and in her text, she claimed to have alluded to it before but I fail to recall. Which I guess is not good, but I'm not accustomed to having to be so attentive and careful.
She still isn't talking to me properly, and I just don't know what to do. This is my first relationship ever, and I had no idea it would come with so much emotional turmoil. AITA and what should I do?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
FantasticCabinet2623
I think you mean your EX-girlfriend. You're only three months into this relationship and she's treating you like crap. It will not get better. It's not the breakdown that's the issue, it's the silent treatment and the gaslighting.
Also? If a 28 yo is dating a 19 yo, it's because people their age can see through their BS. Not to mention, good relationships do not come with emotional turmoil. Cut your losses and get out. NTA, obviously.
BlueGreen_1956
Maybe NTA. But don't you think it is time to break up with her? (Of course, you don't.) Flower trauma? Just when you think you've heard it all. "I had no idea it would come with so much emotional turmoil." I don't whether laughing at this sentence would be appropriate or not, but I just can't stop myself.
changelingcd
You should run away screaming, like she did. Come on, OP: I know you have brand new feelings for this woman, but she is clearly a mentally disturbed stranger (and nine years older than you). Do not forgive her when she finally apologizes (and she will, so she can abuse you again later). Just go find a better partner. NTA.
shockjockeys
Trauma is trauma and I think invalidating trauma because you think it’s stupid is rather disgusting, regardless of the reactions around the trigger. I have trauma with songs. I have trauma with the smell of hairspray. I don’t need to explain why, but people have LAUGHED at my face when they heard it.
With that out of the way, this (hopefully ex) gf is almost a decade older than this girl. I am 28 myself and see 19 year olds as…kids. They’re still teenagers and teenagers will always be kids to me. There’s a lot to unpack with this post.
NoWriter8559
NTA i think you gf needs to do some work on herself through counseling or therapy, or both, before she is ready for a relationship. While most people do come with baggage and require some support, I don't think this is a normal/healthy level of baggage.
A persons partner shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to avoid triggers they are not even aware of. Alluding doesn't count she needs to communicate and be specific if she wants people to know and respect a trigger.
Alpha_Bella
I think you're NTA. You didn't know about her triggers, and leaving you stranded was unfair and dangerous. Relationships need clear communications and mutual respect. if she can't acknowledge her actions or communicate better, this might not be a healthy dynamic for you. Take care of your well-being and consider if this relationship works for both of you.
I_ship_it07
For me she is either crazy or immature so frankly, seeing your actual situation I would break up and concentrate on that and not how to cater to a drama queen. NTA you could have met dangerous people being stranding alone like that but she didn't care.