Teen called 'cruel' for refusing after mom demands late father's belongings back for new husband and kids. AITA?
"AITA for not caring that my siblings, grandparents and I upset mom by taking all of dad's things when her husband moved in?"
My dad died 7 years ago. I (17M) was 10 and my sisters were 17 and 18. 5 years ago my mom moved in her now husband. When she told us he was moving in our grandparents (dad's parents) asked her what would happen with all of dad's things.
She said she wanted to donate them or something. My grandparents said we'd take what we wanted. So my grandparents and sisters came over and mom didn't want anything so we divided it up between all of us.
My grandparents took the things I chose to their house to keep watch over them for me. My sisters didn't have the space where they were living for more than what they took.
My mom had no actual problem with it at the time it looked like. But after her husband moved in they talked about my dad's watch and he seemed disappointed it was gone. They didn't say it to me. But I still heard them.
My mom ended up marrying her husband. My sisters and I aren't close to him. She wanted me to be more than them because I'm the youngest and still live at home. But he's her husband and he's not someone I see as a father figure or my parent and mostly he doesn't try to be.
My mom gave birth to my two half siblings in the last two years and that changed things. She'd get upset that dad's stuff wasn't around anymore and recently she asked my grandparents to let her take dad's stuff back. They told her she had freely let them take it all and they weren't about to see everything dad owned go to good will.
My mom asked me to let her take the box I had or some of it. She said she never should have let it all go and there were things she wanted to give her husband and younger kids.
She said dad's watch would have been perfect for her husband. And dad's old blanket collection would have been great to share with the babies. I told her the watch was for dad, from me and my siblings and it would be wrong as hell for her new husband to wear it.
She told me it would be a sweet idea to show him acceptance and I told her he'll never be my dad and will never get that kind of acceptance from me. I told her I accept him in other ways but he's not my replacement dad or filling his shoes.
And I said the blankets should stay being used for dad's future grandkids and stuff. Not kids he has no relationship with. She mentioned a few other things of dads and got more and more upset about them not being here to give to the babies or use for the babies.
Then she said we were all so cruel for taking everything when her husband was moving in. She said we didn't even give him a chance to be trusted and it hurt her to know we'd rather hide away possessions like that than share them.
She told me we really hurt her feelings when we did it. I asked her why she didn't pick things to keep and she told me it wasn't hurtful at the time. But now keeping them makes it seem like we're two families instead of one.
I told her we sorta are. That her younger kids will never know dad and aren't his kids and we'll never be her husband's kids either. She said she didn't like it and we were like vultures.
Since then she's irritable around me and she told me I should care about hurting her feelings. And that I should care that her husband was disappointed and felt like we all hated him before giving him a chance by taking the watch.
And that the babies will grow up and feel like garbage that we wouldn't share things with them. Then she brought it back to her feeling hurt and how I should care.
AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Tell your mother to get therapy for whatever crisis she seems to be going through and leave you out of it as you are not her emotional dumpster nor are u qualified to help her. NTA.
I like this response. It's short and to the point. Even OP debating this with his mom is wrong, as a mother she should be handling her own emotional state.
Is it a good watch? Yeah, her husband just wants a free watch.
If they want something to remember your dad, give them a copy of a photo.
MusicianWooden7004 (OP)
It's not like super fancy or anything but it is a nice watch and had my dad's name on it. I think he wanted the watch and they want stuff for my half siblings too. It's weird though. Wanting to use dad's stuff like that.
Goodwill wouldn't have given anything back either.
This is the response I was looking for. She was going to donate everything op. The only reason you and your siblings got anything is because your grandparents stepped in and refused to let her just throw your dad away.
They did it so his actual children could have things to remember him by, because if it was up to mom it would all be at goodwill and the landfill. And she doesn't want it for HER now, she wants to gift it to her replacement.
That the watch has dads name on it makes her request beyond disgusting. Seriously, when I read that I threw up in my mouth. Tell her she made her choice with regards to your dads belongings when she boxed it all up and watched it walk out the door without a second thought.