Pregnant woman files for divorce after husband's fire prank sparks past trauma. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for getting hurt and upset over a 'harmless prank' that my husband pulled?"
Far_Specific_3005
So me and my husband have been married for five years. We are currently F24 and M33. Way before we met, when I was 16, my mom’s house had a house fire that burnt literally everything down and sadly my childhood cat was also killed in it.
I remember my mom and brother waking me up screaming “Fire, fire, get up, get up!” We crawled out under the smoke and luckily my neighbors had already called the fire department and they pulled us out.
We lost literally everything. We were devastated. So that was a while ago but it still really scares me, and I check outlets and our stove and candles and everything all the time. My husband knows this about me.
So two nights ago I went to bed early because I am currently 34 weeks pregnant, literally about to pop. I was sleeping for a while before for some reason, my husband decided to wake me up by yelling “Baby! There’s a fire! Fire, fire, fire! Get up!”
As quick as I could get up at 34 weeks, I did, and grabbed my purse. I was just in automatic shock and just autopilot and knew I needed what to grab. I made it all the way down the stairs, yelling for my husband to follow me, before he started laughing and telling me it was a joke.
It took a minute for that to process. I stood there with an open mouth while he laughed and ushered me down the rest of the stairs. I sat down on the couch and just started sobbing.
It was genuinely the hardest I’ve ever sobbed, it’s like I couldn’t get myself to stop and my whole body was shaking. My heart was racing and I couldn’t breathe. I have never had this experience before, I was genuinely so panicked.
I was so fucking upset. My husband apologized and was like “oh my god, I’m sorry, it was just a joke”. I just cried until he eventually was like “what? it was just a prank, this is really dramatic.”
After a few hours, I had calmed myself down and went to apologize to him. He wouldn’t take it. He said I was being over dramatic and made him feel like a monster for a harmless prank. So I guess AITA? I’ve never been good at taking jokes, I’ve been trying to be less sensitive but I don't know.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
ProfessionalAngst11
You went to apologize to him!?! You were in a tragic event and have been mentally preparing for it just in case. That is some ptsd but a normal reaction. He took advantage of your fear. He needs to apologize to you.
FrontTour1583
Came here to say this exact thing. NTA but your husband owes you a massive apology. Even if you didn’t have a serious trauma around fires… this isn’t a funny prank to play on anything especially someone heavily pregnant. Wtf is wrong with your husband?
ZombieHealthy2616
Her husband not only owes her a massive apology - he needs to grow the fuck up. That was not a prank. He KNEW he was causing her pain. He KNEW her history with fire and chose to use his knowledge to cause her harm for his own entertainment.
Sis, how often are you the butt of his jokes? Just once is too many times. More to tge point, why are you with him? he has the maturity of a 16 year old. Do you honestly thinj he is quality spouse or dad material?
samanthaway
There’s a reason a 28 year old married a 19 year old 💀 no woman his age would take his nonsense. Who knows how long they even dated? He might’ve gone after her when she was underage 🤢
oldnick40
Of course she apologized! She was 19 when she started dating a 28yo. This is likely the smallest of his abuses. It just hit her harder because of pregnancy hormones coupled with PTSD.
She’s been in an abusive relationship all along, and she still doesn’t see it. Hopefully a bunch of internet strangers can get her to open her eyes and get out. Not soon enough, and the kid will keep them in one another’s lives, but better out than in.
Betheroo5
No, you’re absolutely NTAH. That wasn’t a “harmless prank” when he knows your past trauma. It also wouldn’t have been a “harmless prank” even without that trauma because you are pregnant.
The adrenaline spike from something like that could have easily sent you into preterm labor and while I’m sure you feel ready to pop, you’re not yet full term and the baby’s lungs are the last to develop.
He’s definitely the AH, but more than that - that was psychological abuse. It was not a prank, it was not funny, and it very well could have done physical harm as well. And now he’s trying to gaslight you into thinking that you’re the problem. Please be very careful and keep yourself safe.
A month later, the OP returned with an update.
Far_Specific_3005
A month ago I posted my first post, which is still up on my account. I was terrified and hurt and confused and the comments really helped me sort through everything going on.
A week later, I went into preterm labor and gave birth to my baby at 35 weeks. A week after that, my husband caught me googling "the signs of an abusive marriage" after he coerced me into intimacy a week post-partum.
Today I filed for divorce and secured a restraining order on him. My husband will see me or my baby ever again. I cannot confidently say that I would have made that decision without the help of my original post. So thank you so very much.
I think maybe people do not realize how much you can help a stranger on the internet, but you can. And all of you did. I will be the woman who leaves after the first time. I will be the best mother I can be, and that starts with leaving him. Thank you.