'Am I overreacting by being upset that my girlfriend won’t visit me in hospital?' + SCREENSHOTS
"Am I overreacting by being upset that my girlfriend won’t visit me in hospital?"
I’ve (22f) been in hospital for about three days now because of a flare up of a neurological condition. I was in remission and for the last year and a half I’ve had full mobility 99% of the time and almost no symptoms.
The condition is harmless in itself but can lead to you being in dangerous or vulnerable situations, which is why I was in hospital. On Monday, completely out of the blue, I was unable to move my legs at all for fourteen hours.
I’d voided myself in my bed because I physically wasn’t able to get to the toilet, and was also unable to do anything to clean myself up. I called 111 (UK health advice line) who sent an ambulance.
I couldn’t urinate once I got to hospital and was in so much pain from it that they gave me morphine and then put a catheter in. I was in a lot of pain and discomfort for a day after that and obviously really upset about not knowing how long the flare up would last, what it would take away from me, and when I’d get some mobility back.
I was admitted to a ward in hospital and will stay until I have enough mobility to go to the toilet safely and independently, hopefully I’ll be discharged today (it’s Thursday now).
I asked if my gf (f20) could visit and come and bring a mobility aid from my house because I’m worried about getting home even if I can walk a little bit. It would also be really great to have some clean clothes/underwear and a hairbrush/deodorant because I’ve been wearing the same clothes since Monday night and I feel disgusting.
I don’t have any shoes with me either since the paramedics scooped me up straight from my bed into the ambulance. She initially said yes on Tuesday and suggested she could come on Wednesday, but then said she had too much reading for a class tomorrow.
OP provided a screenshot here.
Which would be understandable if I was asking her to hang out in my room, but I’ve been alone in hospital for three days, in a lot of pain, and also have a practical need for her to bring my stuff.
I don’t want to be a burden to any of my friends and I’m too embarrassed to ask them to go into my room and get stuff when it’s so messy, she’s the only person I trust enough to ask for help in this situation. It would only take her ten minutes by uber or half an hour by bus to get here.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting because I don’t have a life threatening illness. She did call me for two hours on Wednesday before later saying she couldn’t come. And she was with me for seven hours on Monday because the leg paralysis started in a public building.
So two of my friends called her to come along with an ambulance because for a couple of hours I couldn’t move my entire body or respond to anyone and they thought I was having a seizure (paramedics later left when they realised I wasn’t, and said to ring again if I still couldn’t walk later on).
She was the one who got me back to my bed on Monday by putting me in an office chair and rolling me a few streets back home. So it’s not like she’s done nothing for me.
It just hurts to be the only person in the bed bay with no visitors, having A&E staff ask me why my girlfriend isn’t here, and having to say no when the nurses ask if there’s someone who can bring my shoes or help me get from a taxi back to my house.
She does have mental health issues and I suspect she’s also autistic so having enough sleep and a solid routine is more important to her than other people, but at the same time I don’t feel that missing a couple of hours of reading is a big sacrifice when your partner is in hospital.
We’ve been dating for five months now. She’s been online on WhatsApp this morning so she’s definitely seen my message about only being her girlfriend when it’s convenient for her but she hasn’t replied. She takes ages to respond to my texts, even though she texts her friends every day, so I’m not hopeful she’ll get back to me any faster here.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
So you’ve been in the hospital for three days and she hasn’t visited you or brought you the basics for a hospital stay? Nah, sorry OP. She is not the one. You need to contact a friend and just accept that they’ll see a messy room while they gather what you need.
Real friends won’t give a crap about the state of your room unless you’re hiding a body in there, and even then - I’d probably just bury it for my friend while they’re in the hospital.
Times like this are awful but they also weed out the people who are real friends and partners. People who show up for you because you need it, not when it’s convenient to them.
I hope you get better and are out of hospital soon. Your girlfriend should be ashamed of herself and no excuse is going to get her off the hook for abandoning their partner in their time of need.
This RIGHT here. In college I was in a car wreck two days before I was leaving to see my long distance boyfriend (Husband now), and he was down to check on me before the end of the night I had the wreck, and he lived 8 hours away and was at college and I wasn't even in the hosptal. This isn't it. Call your friends to get your stuff, they will understand the messiness and won't even care.
When people show you who they are. Believe them.
i am autistic and very rigid about routine, sudden changes (especially drastic ones) can feel devastating. i do not think any amount of burnout, overstimulation, or negative feelings could keep me from my gf in the hospital. you seem like a very sweet person, and very accepting of others needs and faults, don’t you think you deserve to be with someone who is the same?
I know it sounds harsh, but you are not being made a priority. she could have read in the hospital or emailed her professor. I hope you get to feeling better and stop minimizing your health issues for the sake of others.
I mentioned autism not in terms of her finding a hospital overwhelming, but more in terms of some social things are really obvious to other people but not to her. So she genuinely might not have realised you’re meant to visit your partner in hospital.
I don’t think I deserve to be with anyone tbh, no one my age wants to date someone who can’t walk, and aside from that I’m not close with most of my friends which makes me think there’s something repulsive about me that puts other people off, but I don’t know what it is.
I’m also autistic and also have mental health issues so it’s probably something to do with that and it’s making me do something wrong socially, but I don’t know how to work out what specifically I’m doing wrong. I wouldn’t want to be with myself so I don’t know why other people would.
May not be life threatening but its a big deal if you're IN the hospital. Dont see why she couldn't read there with you. Or she doesn't have to stay super long. Im sorry your partner isnt supporting you during your difficult time.
With chronic illness a lot of people hate dealing with them. She is fully capable of doing the reading at the hospital or asking for an extension. Maybe you’ll have to weed the people out who have a bad attitude towards it. It’s unnecessary stress and upset for you. Hope the flare up calms down soon!