'AITA for using gloves before applying a cream to my girlfriend's back?'

"AITA for using gloves before applying a cream to my girlfriend's back?"

We're students, living together but away from our respective parents. (20M, 20F). Germany. Recently she got a very mild skin infection (Some redness and itching) near her lumbar curve area in the back. Coin-sized area. Doctor said it's common, caused by sweat (most probably) as we both go to Gym. A common cream is prescribed to her to apply before sleep.

Obviously, she can't apply it properly at that area herself, so I'm doing it. But I cover my finger with piece of a plastic polythene. Because I'm a very squeamish person and get easily grossed out by certain things like visible infections, dandruff etc. I was born with this trait. I can't apply any type of cream to another person with bare hands, unless there's no other option.

Everything went smooth for 2-3 days, but today she told me today that she's disappointed that I got easily "disgusted" by her health issue and that I'm doing all this drama (covering my finger) just to apply just a regular, normal cream to my partner. I was internally pissed, because I was doing what I could but still got to hear this.

I went to the checkup with her, myself remember to apply the cream daily, and never expressed all this to her. I mentioned it here just for context. But I kept cool at first, told her about my squeamish nature (even though I told her before) but she said she feels bad that I'm behaving as if she has become untouchable and that I shouldn't have made her feel that way.

I was totally fumed at that point, told her that she's being too dramatic and ungrateful, clearly told her how BAD I feel even though I made efforts without showing and she can apply the cream herself then. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

SafetyFluid7585 wrote:

NAH it's not your fault how you handle something like that, and it's understandable to not want to catch it yourself. BUT it's also understandable if she finds it disappointing.

My first thought was if she wants kids you're showing her you won't be changing diapers or dealing with vomit or anything. Even if not, it can be disappointing to find out that if you're sick your partner isn't going to be fully there for you because he's squeamish.

Also, plenty of women are "born" squeamish but are forced to get over it because they have to deal with their periods or you get sibling diapers or sick elderly family members, and so a lot of women may not believe that it's something you're born with and can't get over.

(even I'm doubtful, think of bathroom and hygiene from a few hundred years ago and it's hard to think any human could have evolved to be genetically incapable of overcoming squeamishness, it's likely conditioned from what you were allowed to avoid as a kid).

SummitJunkie7 wrote:

Squeamish nature totally aside. It is best practice medically for you to apply medication to an infection with a glove. That protects you, and it protects her. You don't want to transfer the infection and you don't want to touch her open infection with a dirty hand. Not saying you don't wash your hands, just that gloves are best practice.

I have some medical training (EMT) and I would use a glove if I was applying cream to my own skin infection. Maybe if you explain that you are not "grossed out by her", but that you want to care properly for her infection by keeping it clean, and you want to avoid spreading it both to yourself and to other parts of her, that it's a medical choice and not an emotional choice, maybe that will help reassure her.

Even if it doesn't, you are allowed to draw a boundary for your physical safety, mental health, or both - if you're only willing to apply the cream with a glove that's ok, and she has the option to ask you to apply it with a glove or to find another way to apply it herself (as she would if she lived alone). NAH, good luck!

Aur3lia wrote:

NAH. You can and should wear gloves, AND you shouldn't be so upset about this. This is how I see this conversation going in a healthy relationship -

"Hey, I'm feeling insecure about this because it feels like you are grossed out by me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you would feel that way. Honestly you know I'm a little squeamish and I was just thinking about keeping everything clean so the infection doesn't get worse."

"That makes sense. I guess I just needed some validation that it's just about that and not about some other negative feelings towards me."

"Of course it isn't, and I am happy to help out! Next time something like this comes up I'll be more proactive about communicating my needs on this."

Numerous-Opposite948 wrote:

I mean you’re NTA for wanting to wear gloves because ppe is important for everyone in a situation like that, but personally I think yta for being “pissed” and “fuming” that she came to you about something that was bothering her. That’s quite literally called communication.

Kingbretwald wrote:

You don't want her medicine to get on your skin. You don't want any germs you have on your hands to contribute to her mild infection. It's GOOD PRACTICE to wear gloves. I wear gloves when I'm applying medicine to my wife. I don't want to be dosed with that medicine. It's just common sense. NTA.

embopbopbopdoowop wrote:

ESH for how the conversation went. You both escalated needlessly.

Point out that doing this also protects her, keeping the infection free from anything that might be on your hands other than the cream.

Seadragon113 wrote:

NTA for the gloves but TA for your emotional tantrum calling her dramatic. You're the squeamish one with the gloves after all. Something with glass houses. Honestly doesn't sound like you respect each other.

BreakAprehensive489 wrote:

Nurses would wear gloves. It also stops germs going from you to her, so you could rephrase it as you are doing this to keep her back safe from further infection.

Gloomy-Difference-51 wrote:

This might get down voted, but it seems like neither of you are handling this well and the way things are being communicated is off.