'AITA for using my scared pregnant wife’s cravings against her?' 'She wouldn’t go to the hospital.'
"AITA for using my scared pregnant wife’s cravings against her to drive her to the hospital during labor when she absolutely wouldn’t?"
My wife and I have been together for six years now, and a few months ago, we welcomed our first child, our baby girl, the sweetest baby ever. The ongoing tension between my wife and me started with what happened on the day of the birth.
During the final two months of her pregnancy, my wife was overwhelmed with anxiety about giving birth. As her due date approached, she refused to even talk to her doctor on the phone, breaking down in tears at the slightest mention of labor. It was like she was in denial, as if ignoring it would make it go away.
I tried to encourage her to see a therapist or at least talk to someone, but she shut me down every time, saying she just wasn’t ready. On the day she went into labor, she was having obvious, intense contractions, but she kept insisting they were minor and refused to go to the hospital.
Her mom, her sister, my mom, my sister, and I all tried to reason with her, but nothing got through. She was determined to stay home, despite being in active labor. At that point, my sister and I knew we had to act.
Throughout her pregnancy, my wife had been craving churros, so my sister casually mentioned she was going to pick some up. My wife jumped at the chance to go with her, thinking it would help take her mind off things. But my sister and I had already agreed, we were taking her straight to the hospital. There was no way we could leave it up to her judgment anymore.
When my wife realized where we were going, her face dropped. She started crying and panicking in the car, but we pushed through because it was the only way. In the end, everything went smoothly. She gave birth safely, and both she and the baby were healthy.
It’s been a few months now, and she keeps berating me, using it like a weapon in every argument. Every single time, I apologize, I reassure her, I tell her that I can empathize that she was very scared that day. I never meant to hurt her, I just wanted what was best for her and our child.
There was no ill will involved, but she continues to make me feel like I am somehow a terrible person for what I did to her. This time when she berated me again, I finally let myself snap because I felt she deserved some harshness from me too.
I told her she thinks she’s doing our marriage great favors by being the toxic one, always carrying that bomb in her back pocket, ready to throw it in my face whenever she wants, without a shred of shame. And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t hesitate, because in that moment, her choices couldn’t be trusted.
If she’s still bitter about it after endlessly making up to her, that’s just foolish. She should be grateful I stepped in, took control, and made sure both she and the baby came through safely and healthy. And unless she’s willing to work with me and understand my perspective and communicate healthily, I won’t speak to her about it anymore.
She refused to take in and called me an asshole for “dismissing and stonewalling” her just because I firmly made it clear I was only going to engage in constructive conversation over this. I don’t respond well to being called names like that, because I never talk to her that way. I have never talked to anyone that way. I was furious with her for calling me an a^%le, so I finally said something like:
“Talk to me in that tone again, and you’ll soon be a single mom real quick” She can’t stop crying. I feel terrible, but this had been a pattern. I had just been taking all the verbal beatings and had to put an end to it by responding with the same energy.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Which_Conclusion_659 said:
Your wife needs help, and I say that with all kindness. I had an intense fear of labor. I expressed this to my Doctor. My Doctor was very upfront that that fear is/was one of the biggest precursors to Post-Partum Depression. There is help available. While her resentment can somewhat be understood, she needs a painful wake up call that her behavior was dangerous and something is STILL wrong. Get her help. NTA.
Meremadesings said:
Contact your wife's health provider. Forgive me if i missed if but she needs checked for PPD. Also, no more children until she gets a handle of her prepartum issues.
kmflushing said:
NTA, but you have a bigger problem. She was putting herself and your baby at risk. She does not sound mentally sound. If she cannot see that still, after all this time, you have a big problem that needs professional intervention.
Pimento-Mori said:
Pre-partum depression and anxiety is a thing. It's also highly correlated with post-partum depression and anxiety. Your wife needs treatment ASAP. You're NTA. Please get her the help she needs. It no longer matters that she doesn't want it. She is suffering from a common and treatable, but also potentially very dangerous illness.
MyChoiceNotYours said:
NTA but I would suggest you get her professional help because this isn't healthy for you, your wife or your child.
Pumpkin_Witch13 said:
NTA. I think though she has that phobia of being pregnant or whatever it's about. She needs serious help. What if as the child grows and misbehaves she starts turning her toxicity towards the child?
frizabelle said:
NTA but your wife needs to be seen by a psychiatrist. You need to contact her OBGYN or midwife and tell them everything.
steffie-flies said:
NTA, but you need to put your foot down. Tell her that in order for your relationship to continue she needs to get down to the roots of these feelings and work to overcome them with her doctors and a therapist. Tiptoeing around all these irrational fears is not good for your family.