"WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brothers wedding?"

My brother Tom (36m) and I (26f) have never had a really solid relationship, due to our age gap we didn't spend much time and by the time I was old enough to develop a personality he was moved out of the house.

For the last two years my brother and his fiance Sarah (32f) have been planning their wedding. And it's coming up in September. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I figured i was only asked as a courtesy since I'm her soon to be sister in law but I still took it seriously. I have been a bridesmaid for the last two years. Just a few weeks ago I managed to save up to buy the 800 dollar bridesmaid dress.

Over all in the last two years between group outings to parties, dinners, lunches, clothes, etc… I spent thousands of dollars. Eventually all the girls in the wedding and I became extremely close and I started to get hyped for the wedding. Sarah recently got close with her brother's wife Becky (30f).

Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place. It broke my heart a little but it's her wedding and it's not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine. Yesterday I went to my brother's house to pick up the bridesmaid's dress, and was going to see if I could return it since it was within the time frame.

Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size. I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the 800 for it. Sarah said that Becky couldn't afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding.

I explained that I'm not just giving away the dress, and I'm not ever going to usei after the wedding. After some bickering back and forth I just ended up taking it and leaving.

My brother and Sarah tried to compromise with me, and say I could be "the assistant flower girl" and I felt offended at the offer. After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund.

I told them I understand that it's their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don't need to deal with it and I'm not going to the wedding. Today my coworker says she has an extra round trip plane ticket to go to Miami that she'll sell to me for half price plus I would have to pay for half the hotel and I can go hang out with her in Florida.

The only downside is that I'll be in Florida for the week of my brother's wedding. So will I be the a$$hole if I just go party in miami instead of going to my brother's wedding?

What do you think? WIBTA if she goes to Miami instead of her brother's wedding? This is what top commenters had to say:

Auntie-Mam69 said:

NTA. Go to Miami. A wedding is not an event where a soon-to-be SIL and your own brother crap all over you and you smile and take it.

Prudent_Plan_6451 said:

A 26 year old assistant flower girl? Really? How insulting. OP, one of the nice things about declining an invitation is that you need not give a gift. A card of congratulations is all etiquette requires. And I think you've already overspent (both literally and emotionally) on this wedding.

vidadeleeda said:

NTA, They disrespected you so you don't have to be there if you don't want to. They literally removed you as a bridesmaid after they had you spend so much money. I'm proud of you for returning the dress instead of letting them walk all over you and take it for free.

You might not be able to ever be close with this brother if he finds out you chose partying in Miami over his wedding. Also may affect what parents/other family think of you. But not sure if any of that is relevant

padflash said:

Screw 'em. They did you dirty

OP responded:

That's what I was thinking. I would also lose out on the 800 dollar dress, and if I was going to be the "assistant flower girl" I would have to buy ANOTHER dress. This whole ordeal has stressed me out. Maybe I need to relax in Miami.

And lifeiswonderful-1990 said:

NTA - how can someone logically conclude that it’s ok to pass on a brand new dress without compensating the original owner considering it’s within return timeline. I mean I just cannot get around that bit. Everything else, while sh!tty, I get how that can happen. But goddamn the dress thing just doesn’t make sense at all

UPDATE:

So unfortunately since the internet is awful at keeping secrets, Becky saw the post on TikTok so she obviously let the cat out of the bag. My whole family is split on what I should do, but after a heated argument it was mutually agreed that I will not be attending the wedding. My brother and FSIL cannot seem to comprehend that this is not about the dress but how they treated me. For those wondering what our parents have to say, our mother says "if you're gunna be an @$$hole don't be upset when someone's an @$$hole back" my dad says "..." Because he's long dead. My brother & FSIL thinks I am the @$$hole but by the way my mom paid for the hotel for my trip, I think it is safe to assume whose side she's low key on. I appreciate all the love and support I got, I will have an amazing time in Maimi and won't feel the slightest bit guilty thanks to the overwhelmingly positive response I got on here.

Thanks you all!