'AITA for 'victim blaming' my girlfriend after our dog bit her?'

"AITA for 'victim blaming' my girlfriend after our dog bit her?"

My girlfriend (GF) and I have a dog that’s currently going through its turbulent teenage phase, which includes a lot of biting recently. Our rule is that whoever the dog bites must deal with it themselves, because we both want to maintain authority with the dog.

Yesterday, my GF was on her phone when the dog started biting her. She initially ignored it, which made the biting escalate, getting rougher and harder. At one point, the dog must have gotten a painful chunk of skin because my GF suddenly shouted "Ouch!" and was visibly irritated.

I told her that she needs to tell the dog 'stop' or 'no' when it bites, otherwise, this is what happens. She repeated that it hurt, to which I responded that she then needs to intervene sooner.

That's when I learned a new concept: "victim blaming." Apparently, I was doing this because instead of showing immediate empathy, I focused on what she could have done differently. In theory, her explanation makes sense, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

If it were a serious wound, I would definitely be more empathetic, but in this case, I felt it was her own responsibility. I feel like the situation was twisted so that I was forced to apologize. So, AITA for "victim blaming" my girlfriend?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Efficient_Most439 said:

You both set boundaries but she gets mad when you want her to enforce them. NTA.

3Pennywise3 said:

NTA it’s both of your responsibility to train your dog. If she keeps ignoring it, then it’s never going to listen to her. You pointing this out to her is in no way victim blaming.

curtmil said:

The only victim here is the dog. That and the friend, family, or random person the dog really bites some day because you aren't properly training it. Maybe get some assistance with a professional trainer before things get out of control and you have an adult dog that bites. Both of you are ESH. Train your dog.

MuffledFarts said:

ESH. Neither of you know how to train a dog, it seems, and the dog will be the one to suffer as a result. Also, when your girlfriend gets hurt it wouldn't kill you to just ask if she's okay.

JamSkully said:

NTA. She should’ve dealt with the behavior the moment it started instead of allowing the dog to escalate. If she doesn’t start to take control, the dog will think she sits below it in the pecking order. PS: There was no victim blaming because she wasn’t a victim.

Tabernerus said:

Your ex-girlfriend will be much happier. YTA. When the dog bites someone who isn’t one of you, you’re not going to like it turns out. No, repeated and escalating biting is not a reasonable expectation for a properly trained and cared for dog. I’m not sure if you’re a worse boyfriend or dog owner.

Fae-SailorStupider said:

You're TA for not asking if she was okay. You're NTA for pointing out she needed to shut that behavior down sooner.

panalangaling said:

YTA. The way you’re talking about victim blaming is weird. I think the problem here is that in that moment she didn’t want a telling off, she wanted support and you didn’t provide that. You could have saved the lecture for afterwards