'AITA for renewing my vows while my sister is going through a divorce?'
"AITA for renewing my vows while my sister is going through a divorce?"
jenelisab
I’ll try to keep this short (like my sister’s marriage đ). Background- My sister 39f) has been married 2 years and in the process of an international, contentious divorce.
Last week was my daughter’s Spring Break and on a whim we decided to take a last minute trip to Las Vegas. I (42f) have been jokingly pushing a vow renewal on my husband (of 22 years) for a looooong time. We laugh about it and move on…usually.
But right before we left it popped in my mind that doing a vow renewal elopement style would be fun (in the spirit with the last minute nature of our trip). I grabbed a white shirt, a light up plastic ring, a janky bouquet of faux roses, and a dress up tiara for our daughter (the flower girl).
I found the absolute cheapest, cheesiest vow renewal package ($69 lol) and we went ahead and said “I still do!” after about a 3 minute ceremony. It was just something fun for us and we didn’t tell anyone ahead of time or make an announcement of any kind afterward because it was just for fun.
It was our 8-year-old who went around announcing to everyone (including people on the sidewalk…grocery store…at school) that her parents had FINALLY gotten married.
She doesn’t really realize (or care about) the difference between a wedding and a vow renewal so we got some side eye from people we know thinking we’d been lying all this time about being married. Fun times.
Anyway…my daughter told her cousins and my sister that we got married on our trip. My sister was the Maid of Honor in our real wedding so, obviously, she got that it was a vow renewal.
She didn’t say anything in front of the kids but gave me a super fake smile and laugh when she heard. When my sister and I had a moment with the kids out of ear shot, she let me have it.
She told me it was completely hurtful and inconsiderate for my husband and I to do a vow renewal while she is in the middle of a divorce. Mind you, her divorce has been in the works for 6 months with no end in sight.
She told me our vow renewal was “inconsiderate” and we were “rubbing marriage in her face.” She said we should either have not done the vow renewal or kept it a secret. She hasn’t spoken to me since and this was almost a week ago.
My mom is a people pleaser and refuses to take a side on this one. My friends think my sister is nuts to be mad about it (but maybe they’re biased because they’re my friends!?). And my husband stopped caring about what she thinks/says years ago.
We are not close with my dad at all so me, my sister, and my mom are all the close (blood related) family we have. I don’t want this to become an issue because it was mostly just a joke decided on last minute.
I’m thinking about apologizing to my sister for making her feel bad and just trying to move on. But part of me is refusing because I think she’s being ridiculous. So, kind friends, please tell me, AITA!?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
scoobydoombot
Tell your sister to write down her thoughts about this on a piece of paper and seal it an envelope before she goes to sleep tonight. When she wakes up in the morning, have her open the envelope and read these thoughts out loud.
(This is very important) to herself and then decide if accusing you of renewing your vows just to spite her sounds like a normal thing normal people do or if it sounds utterly unhinged. If she keeps on with this, I suggest buying a squirt bottle and just spraying her any time she starts talking about it.
aprairiehocompanion
I'd tell her to write it all down, then fold up the piece of paper as small as she can, then bend over and shove it up her arse.
fallingintopolkadots
NTA. You and your husband weren't doing a vow renewal AT her; and she didn't even know about it until your daughter said something and then word spread. You all didn't make a big deal out of it, post photos or a long social post.
She may be going through a divorce, but that doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold or consider her feelings when you're doing a fun and silly (but still heartfelt) in Vegas attended only by you, your husband and your daughter. It had nothing to do with her.
Thriftyverse
NTA
"I’m thinking about apologizing to my sister for making her feel bad and just trying to move on."
Do not do this. You didn't make her feel bad, she did that to herself. If this is a habit of hers (making everything other people do about her) then she's going to be unhappy her whole life.
jrm1102
NTA - this is preposterous. This had nothing to do with her.
I get her divorce is stressful but that doesn’t mean no one else can be happy in their marriage.
New-Link5725
NTA. Dont apologize to your sister. shes just lashing out because her divorce is dragging or trying to fix the marriage isnt working. Your sisters anger and hurt is her problem to deal with and has nothing to do with you. You are allowed to live your life and do silly stuff like this. Don't apologize and just ignore her. she'll get over it or she wont. but this isnt your problem.
ConflictNo5518
NTA. It had nothing to do with your sister or her divorce. And you didn’t rub her face in the vow renewal. You weren’t the one telling people about it. Your innocent daughter was telling everyone. Your daughter is, of course, NTA, too. ;-) Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong.
OP described the vow renewal for people who asked:
It was as cheesy and irreverent and crazy and fun as I'd hoped it would be! Our wedding was really traditional so this was a great part 2. Main regret was not hiring Elvis as a witness (but that was way more than $69!).