'WIBTA if I walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding?' 'She didn't ask her stepdad.'
"WIBTA if I walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding when she didn't ask my husband/her stepdad?"
I have two children with my late ex Colin. My son is now 27 and my daughter is now 25. Colin and I broke up while I was pregnant with our daughter. But he remained a part of their lives until his passing just 6 months after our daughter was born. We hadn't worked out as partners.
But we got along okay. Just very different people who couldn't make a relationship work and had kids very early in our relationship. Colin's family were in my children's lives from the start and remained a part of their lives long after he was gone. We never got along but they adored my children and my children adored them in return. Their favorite thing was the week they spent with his family each summer.
When my daughter was 7 and my son was 9 I met my husband. We married after 2.5 years of dating and we had already lived together for a year. My husband has no children of his own. We had none together. He was a very loving stepdad to my kids.
My kids and him have a nice relationship but neither of them call him dad and neither wanted to be adopted by him... which did come up a year into our marriage. He asked. I wanted to find out what the children wanted and spoke to them. They said no. This was not something they later asked for or wanted.
My daughter is getting married next year and she asked me if I would walk her down the aisle. I immediately said yes and was so moved by the fact she felt I was the best, and only, person for the job. She even told me how much it meant to her that I never erased her dad when we weren't even together when he passed.
She said I always put them first and I had been the best mom. I cried so hard. She asked her brother to dance with her in honor of their dad. My husband was upset he wasn't asked to walk her alongside me. And he was hurt that I accepted without suggesting we should both do it. I explained that my daughter had her reasons to ask me.
Then he mentioned the dance in honor of her dad and how she wasn't even doing that with him. I told him I was sorry he was feeling so hurt. He told me he felt like all the little things she asked him to do were just as a way to keep the peace, instead of her truly wanting him to have a role in her wedding.
I'm still not sure what these things were, and I did ask, but he wasn't happy about them. He told me I should take a stand and insist he be included, or I don't walk her down the aisle. I told him I wasn't willing to let my daughter down or myself. I told him it was very special to me and my daughter. He told me I'm not honoring our vows if I do this. WIBTA if I walk her down the aisle?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
DgShwgrl said:
Completely NTA! For my wedding, I asked my mother to be my matron of honour because frankly, she was an incredible mother. My parents were separated since I was a child, Dad walked me down the aisle but I wanted a special place for Mum.
If this is how your daughter wants to honor you at her wedding, you should let her, and know how special your relationship is. Ask your husband, if he were to do this, what role he thinks you should have? I'm genuinely curious as to his logic here...
Logical_Read9153 said:
Absolutely NTA. Please please please do not give in to your hubby. This is something you need to do for your daughter.
Wild_Ad4599 said:
NTA. It’s your daughter’s choice and her wedding. I can understand why he would be hurt, but for whatever reason he never bonded with your daughter in that way and she doesn’t see him as a father figure.
It’s strange that both of your kids don’t seem to be close to him despite him being around since they were pretty young. Did you ask them why they didn’t want to be adopted or talked to them recently about him? TBH his reaction to this isn’t the best look and may hint at more.
KrofftSurvivor said:
NTA - and his behavior here should not be a surprise to you because it tells you everything you need to know about why he wasn't asked.
Individual_Metal_983 said:
Your daughter said it all. You did not try to erase her father or indeed his parents despite not getting along with them. You put your children's needs first. If only more people would do this. Your husband needs to respect the relationship they have not the one he wants. NTA.
Difficult-Bus-6026 said:
NTA, but sadly, I think your husband is getting the feeling that his years with "your family" were a complete waste of time because it never became "his family" as well.
Large_Astronaut7681 said:
NTA. This exact same situation happened in my family. My father meet my mom when my half siblings were 6 and 10 and played a very active role in their lives since their real father was extremely absent.
When my half sister got married, my mom walked her down the aisle and there were absolutely no hard feelings or assumptions being made. I can see why he’s upset but he shouldn’t ask that of you, it’s selfish. It’s her day, she can make her own choices.