'AITA for walking out of my mom’s wedding after what she said during the ceremony?'
"AITA for walking out of my mom’s wedding after what she said during the ceremony?"
This has been eating at me all week so I need some outside perspective. I’m 20 and I have a really complicated relationship with my mom. She’s 45. She’s always been the type of person who knows exactly how to push your buttons. She’ll say the most hurtful thing at the worst possible time but then play it off like she was “just being honest” or “joking.” It’s been like that my whole life.
Anyway she got remarried last weekend. Her first marriage was to my dad and they had me pretty young. My dad isn’t really in my life much. He moved out of state when I was 10 and while we talk occasionally it’s still a really sore spot for me. My mom knows this. She’s always known this.
Fast forward to the wedding. She asked me to be her maid of honor and I agreed because despite everything I wanted to be supportive. The ceremony was beautiful and I was standing right next to her holding her bouquet. Then out of nowhere she leans over and whispers to me isn’t it sad your dad didn’t even bother to come. Guess we both know where you rank on his priority list.
I was stunned. It felt like a punch in the gut. I didn’t say anything because what could I even say. I just stood there holding her flowers trying not to cry in front of 100 people. As soon as the ceremony ended I handed the bouquet back to her walked straight out of the venue and left. I didn’t even go to the reception. I just couldn’t.
Now my phone is blowing up. My mom is furious calling me selfish and saying I embarrassed her in front of her new husband and his family. She says I ruined her big day over something “so small” and that I should’ve just ignored it. A few relatives have sided with her saying I should’ve sucked it up for her wedding and talked to her later.
But to me it wasn’t small. It felt like she deliberately chose that moment to hurt me and I don’t think I could’ve just stood there pretending everything was fine.
Am I the a&^%$le for walking out? Should I have stayed and dealt with it later?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your mom chose her wedding day—a moment that should have been about love and celebration—to take a jab at one of your deepest wounds. That wasn’t a “small” comment; it was deliberate and cruel. You don’t owe anyone your presence when they treat you like that, no matter the occasion. Walking away was setting a boundary, not ruining her wedding. She embarrassed herself.
dreamfantaasy OP:
Exactly. She chose to be petty and hurtful, walking away was protecting my mental health
how does it makes sense ? Why would your dad come to HER wedding ? Normally the new partner doesn't want any ex of his partner to be at their wedding . So does your mom need some help for dreaming of her ex showing up and stopping the wedding or what ? how does this comment even makes sense
It was never really "my ex husband should come to my new wedding", the idea that it wouldn't even be thought of was the extra bonus thrill for evil mum.
That's also why she timed her snitty remark so precisely - as the cherry on top of "everyone's looking at me, I'm the star, I could literally get away with anything at this second" kind of thought - she inflicted the maximum possible verbal abuse on OP at that moment because she could
Nta. Your mom needs to learn that actions have consequences
dreamfantaasy OP:
Very true
People treat you how they feel about you. Your mom sees you as her punching bag so that’s how she treats you. BLOCK HER and drop her from your life.
nta your mom really hit you with that during her wedding ceremony that’s so selfish walking out wasn’t overreacting it was protecting your peace her big day doesn’t mean she gets to stomp all over your feelings respect goes both ways
dreamfantaasy OP:
This Comment is the best Thank you for that!!
Why would your father have shown up at his ex wife's wedding? She sounds like a bitter old cow--I'm sure he avoids her like the plague.
Yeah, her(his) mom chose to take a dig at her in the middle of her wedding ceremony, knowing it would hurt. OP didn’t ruin her day, she did that herself by choosing to be unkind instead of focusing on her happiness.
I disagree. I suspect hurting OP increased her happiness.
That’s tragic … and I think you’re right. 😢