'AITA for walking away from a house I have no equity or say in and stiffing my soon-to-be ex?'
"AITA for walking away from a house I have no equity or say in and stiffing my soon-to-be ex?"
Before we got married my in-laws sat me down and explained that I was never going to be on any paperwork for the house they helped my fiancee purchase as a wedding gift. They insisted on an ironclad prenup. I got a lawyer and made sure I was protected as well.
After we got married I contributed to the expenses of our household 50/50. Mortgage and everything. It was a little more than I paid in rent and utilities but I figured we were building a future together.
I make a decent living as a welder and I do not own a lot of stuff. I have a truck, a welding lid, a laptop and some clothes. Before I met my wife I lived at Airbnbs and all inclusive resorts. I work four weeks on and get two weeks off. It didn't make sense to rent a house that could sit empty for a month at a time.
I have helped my wife upgrade, renovate, and furnish the house. I'll give a simple example. We bought a very nice sectional. I paid for half up front by giving the money to my wife. She then bought it on her credit card to get the points. After that it wasn't my problem any more.
I recently found out that she has been seeing her ex when I'm out of town. I do not play that game. I will never compete for a woman and I do not forgive cheating. So last time I came home from work I stayed at an Airbnb.
I took the time to see a lawyer and initiate our divorce. When my time off was done I went back to work. My next break is after the new year and I will be going to an all inclusive.
Neither this last time or from now on did I or will I be giving her any money. The problem is that she didn't use the money I gave her to pay down the mortgage or her credit card bill.
She blew it on other stuff. So now she is in a bind. My money made her lifestyle possible. By just leaving and not engaging she is kind of screwed. But there is nothing there for me anymore.
We don't even have a dog like I wanted because she would have had to care for them while I was away. So all I left behind was a suit I only bought for our wedding, some gym clothes, and my dress shoes, once again for the wedding.
She, her family, and her friends are all over me to help her during our divorce. I have no obligation to do so though. And after our divorce even less so. I can literally live out of my suitcase and my backpack. My only living expense beyond housing is long term parking for my truck.
Even my mom seems to think I am screwing her ove and punishing her too harshly. I personally can't believe my mom would take her side but my parent's divorce was really antagonistic and their inability to communicate lead to both of them being much worse off than of they cooperated and ended things amicably. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA! The moment you said that after moving in, you paid a little more than you used to pay for rent and utilities, that sealed it. If you move in with someone and pay more than you paid when you were on your own, then your name should be on the deed. Period.
You got shafted here, and owe nothing. I bet her parents knew how she is, and knew this wouldn't last, and that's why they insisted on her only on the title, and a prenup. Yikes.
Agreed. If you’re paying more than solo living costs your name should be on the deed. He didn’t walk away from a shared home he walked away from a bad arrangement after being cheated on. The prenup set the rules and he’s just following them.
You are NTA. She cheated, you’re leaving. Up to her (and her family if they want to) to deal with the consequences of her actions. Sucks for her, but actions have consequences.
NTA. Let the ex chip in. As you noted, her family was very specific about protecting her financially in the prenup. Just refer everyone back to that. I hope you kept the receipts, in case it gets messy.
NTA. But I don't understand why friends and family are on her side, when she is most likely cheating on you. That doesn't make sense.
FootBig7944 (OP)
Not my problem any more. Anyone that contacts me on her behalf I block. Except my mom.
NTA. She wanted the security of your money without giving you security in the relationship then cheated, walking away isn’t punishment its self respect.
NTA. She made her choices. So, let her live with her consequences. And cancel Christmas with your mom, unless she stops playing a traitor. She's certainly old enough to know better.
I had a similar experience. I worked my butt off so my ex could be a SAHM to my step kids, and she turned out to be an abusive narcissist. Since I left, her house has been scheduled for auction three times because of unpaid property taxes. I know that because my brother keeps tabs on it because he wants to buy it and give it to me.
NTA, but you are being short sighted and making a huge mistake. Since you put in funds for renovations and a part of the mortgage, you can force a sale of the house. You will then get a percentage of the increase in the valuation of the home due to your contributions. All the money you've put in - you are legally entitled to some of it back. Get with your lawyer ASAP.