'AITA for walking away from my FILs wife after she spoke negatively about my wife during my SILs wedding?'
"AITA for walking away from my FIL's wife after she spoke negatively about my wife during my SILs wedding?"
IcyStable9441
My wife's younger sister got married three weeks ago. For the wedding my wife filled the role that should have been filled by their mom but she passed away when my wife was a teenager and her siblings were younger again and my wife stepped up as the family mom.
It ruined her relationship with her dad in the process because she had to mother him as well and had to take care of the family. She wanted him to be a better dad than that but he was not capable at the time. To this day things are strained. My wife's siblings lived with her for a period of time after she left as well.
There is some conflict about this because after my wife turned 18 and moved out, her dad got remarried. There has always been a tension between my wife and FILs wife over the role my wife plays and the role FILs wife wanted to play.
My wife's younger siblings did not end up looking to FILs wife as a maternal figure and instead continued looking to my wife. This is something we all know bothers FILs wife, at least to some degree.
This is why my SILs decision to have my wife fill the role on her wedding day brought forth some comments from FILs wife. It was more about the tradition they do in their family, which may or may not be related to a cultural thing in their mom's family.
But their family always has the bride spend the night before and right up until the wedding with her mom. They don't leave each other's sides and they help each other get ready together. My wife did this with her sister.
FILs wife wanted to be a part of this. She was upset previously when my wife didn't invite her to do it for our wedding. But it was a bigger deal with SIL because they lived for 6/7 years.
FILs wife found me during an in-between moment and she told me my wife must be so happy she got to keep her out of yet another one of the weddings, and how smug my wife must be that she wasn't thought of enough to be invited in alongside the two sisters.
She said she was basically a plus one and nothing more. I told her I did not appreciate her talking about my wife in that way and she started to make another comment so I walked away from her without saying another word.
She stewed on that for the rest of the wedding and days later brought it up to my ILs and demanded an apology from me. My wife told her I did not owe her an apology for walking away in the way in which I did. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
RoyallyOakie
NTA...Frankly you were a lot kinder and classier than most people would have been. I would have given her a two word response. Wish her luck on that apology.
Fleurtheleast
"How dare you walk away from me when I'm trying to insult your wife! Apologize to me!"
Yeah. That's perfectly sane, lol. NTA.
YouthNAsia63
You didn’t want to argue with the woman at a wedding. You walked away from her negativity. So she has another thing to be unhappy about, you walking away like that. Oh, well, sucks for her that she is unhappy. And it sucks for her that you don’t care. NTA.
archetyping101
NTA. Your wife agrees with you, so you're good. MIL has an issue with being excluded but this tradition was entirely up to the SIL getting married. It was her decision to exclude your MIL. If she has an issue with it, she should be discussing it with your SIL, not you. It feels like she's just jealous of your wife and blaming her for why she doesn't feel included.
Karlito_74
NTA, your FIL's wife needs to get a grip, quite frankly. Also, what were you supposed to do? Start a fight and ruin the day? Agree? Only one person needs to apologise and it isn't you. Good on you for having your wife's back.
Random-OldGuy
NTA. You did well to walk away. You defended your wife, but realized that further discussion would go nowhere. FIL wife is mad because you deflated her; she was all worked up with a lot to say and you just left her hanging. Very well played.
JellyfishDull3783
NTA. Is she disappointed that she failed to cause a scene by goading you into a fight?
The OP responded here:
IcyStable9441
I think so honestly. I think she has been dying for a fight about all of this for a long time now.
HalcyonDreams36
NTA. Her grievance doesn't belong with you. It doesn't even belong with your wife or her sister. Her grievance is with her husband, who let her think she was going to step into a mother's role with kids that had no parent through their grief, and who were past the age of building a relationship with a stepmother out of any necessity.
The reality of her situation is that she married a man that needed mothering, and if she wanted healthy relationships with his kids, she needed to step up and make him get therapy and figure out how to repair. She didn't, he didn't, and now predictably no one feels all that attached to either of them as parents. At no point was this your problem.
The OP again responded:
IcyStable9441
This is my feeling as well. She believes she has a problem with my wife, some might say her problem is with my SIL and BIL, but really it's FIL her problem is with. He's the reason everything is the way it is, including her unrealistic expectations.
ssddalways
NTA this was actually mature and the right thing to do. You didn't feed into her tantrum or cause a scene. She wouldn't have listened to anything you said in defence of your wife so walking away was your only option, well done.
ThinkReturn1770
NTA you did the right thing. You will never satisfy a selfish woman so don't even try. Live your life with your beautiful wife and be happy.