'AITA for walking away from my BF and father of my kids for not proposing after 13 years??'
"AITA for walking away after 13 years of being a GF when he's had the engagement ring for 3 years?"
So a little back story me (33) and my bf (33) have been together for 13 years. Met through one our good friends. Dated as kids didnt work and when i turned 20 he walked into the bar i was celebrating it at. The rest was history. I love him to death and we have an amazing little family we have created. Girl 3 and boy 10.
Over the years I've dropped hints I wanna be married. I would love to have the same last name as my kids, etc. I've showed him rings I love and gave him my size. He was always on board.
3 years ago I didn't check the mail like I always do. He did after work and came in with a small package saying Etsy! He's like happy u didn't check today haha walking away. It was a ring!!
I planned a trip for our 10 year anniversary to hocking hills, Ohio (if u love nature and hiking.. add to your bucket list. It was truly amazing) thinking he would pop the question. Well he didn't. A year passed, 2 years. I finally got sick of this little box sitting in the drawer and I looked.
I know I know but I was dying to know and it wasn't what I picked out. Close but everything was off. But now we are year later and the thought of getting married at this point doesn't make me feel like I should. Like I don't ever wanna marry him. I know he loves me but we are so far off from our goals that I just wanna walk away.
I am a stay at home mom and he works 10 days on 4 off. We don't kiss except when he leaves for work. We don't get physical together because I don't feel attractive or myself for months. He doesn't compliment me unless I point something out I did or my kids say something first.
He's never cheated but I have caught him talking to girls in the past and I've overcome them for my kids. We never do anything with friends because he has none and he doesn't care for mine. I love being home but not 24/7. We have talked about all this and it goes good for a week or 2 smd back to the same old same.
I know leaving would be a lot for my kids and financially but I do have family that would support me till I get back on my feet. But I just feel like he's got the ring just to say oh well I got it but if he wanted to be married he would. Not wait 3 years and more. So would I be the AH walking away from a 13 year relationship knowing he has a ring but he has for the last 3 years?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Cheska1234 said:
You would not be the ah for walking away if you will be this much happier without him bringing you down. Your kids will see that they can expect a true partnership rather than what this is. You got this.
BerriesOfBoo said:
Sounds like you've made up your mind already OP, you just aren't listening to yourself. You're not happy with him any more, he doesn't seem to make you feel wanted any more... The only reason to stay would be a financial one. I get that's a huge deal.
But is your happiness worth staying? And, what are you teaching your kids to put up with, or how to treat the people you love? What ever you choose to do, good luck with it. ❤️
Solid-Musician-8476 said:
You're an AH to yourself for just dating for 13 years, being financially dependent on and having kids with just a bf. He's never going to marry you. If you want to be married some day leave him. I'd get your ducks in a row and start looking for jobs and have an exit plan.
Which-Month-3907 said:
Have you considered taking the time to set yourself up for success? Take your time to build up the life you want to have after this relationship is over. It takes time to find a job, get your own health insurance, arrange child care, and find a home. You have a great support system, so there's no reason to rush. Lay out your plan and build as much as you can before you walk away.
OP responded:
I've actually been moving in the shadows and I do have a place and a few job offers. It's an hour away from "home" but it would be a fresh start for us all. My oldest started school and ik I can't do another school year like this.
Head_Razzmatazz7174 said:
Oh, honey. He's not going to marry you. The only reason he ordered that ring was to dangle it in front of you like a carrot. He's got his little family and control over you.
Get your important papers together, pack up the kids and leave. He's isolated you from your friends, and it's just a matter of time before he does the same with your extended family, if he hasn't started already. He's comfortable and is not going to change. NTA.
OP responded:
He has already with alot of my family but my grandpa and grandma are my biggest support during this for 13 years. We stopped going to gatherings cuz of work or cuz he didn't want to go. He would gaslight me to believe I shouldn't be around certain family when something would happen but his parents or family could never do any harm even after his dad was arrested for abuse on his step mom, 2 years ago.
According_Baseball14 said:
YTA for not walking away sooner. You had his children and he couldn’t man up and put a ring on it? Ditch the dead weight and find yourself a life partner that makes you feel loved and cherished. Don’t settle for an indecisive bum with wandering eyes. You deserve better mama.
OP responded:
Yeah ik.. but I was young with our son and I thought he would marry me cuz we always talked about it.