"AITA for walking out of my husband's birthday party?"

It was my (28f) husband (31m) birthday on Saturday. To celebrate we hosted a BBQ at our house and invited around 20 friends and family. We supplied all the food, alcohol/drinks and snacks. Once it had been in full swing for about an hour I realised that there was an extra 10-15 people that hadn't been invited.

I was busy cooking and trying to get the main food out when 2 uninvited guest complained that I didn't have the meat that they wanted, we hadn't purchased the alcohol they preferred and there wasn't anything for their kids to do (it was a kids free party) and demanded to know what I was going to do about it. I told them that considering they weren't invited nothing and went back to what I was doing.

I was literally plating up the meat and handing it off to a friend to put out and hadn't even thought about grabbing any for myself. By the time it was all done and I went to make a plate for myself there was nothing left.

No meat, sides, snacks, nothing. I was pissed off and decided to grab a drink when another uninvited guest starts complaining that there wasn't enough food, they hated the music we were playing, the drinks were running out. Actually telling me I was a terrible host and should get off my fat, lazy ass and fix it.

At this point, I snapped and told them that they weren't invited and I couldn't care less about he thought and if he didn't like it that anyone who had a problem could get the heck out of my house. At this point the party had stopped and everyone was watching. I stormed inside with my husband following.

My husband followed but said I was overreacting and ruining his birthday party. That we could order more food and drinks to be delivered but I needed to calm down and apologise.

As I walked through our house I saw that not only was my house trashed but someone had gone into our bedroom and there was makeup, jewellery, clothes and at least one handbag missing. I was so pissed off I packed a bag for a couple of days and left to a hotel.

It took everyone about an hour and half to realise I was missing. My husband tried to call me then sent me a text asking how long I was going to be with the food and drinks as people were complaining.

I ignored him, ordered room service with a nice bottle of wine. I sent a message saying that I was upset that I had been disrespected after I spent days preparing for the party, my house was trashed and I'd been stolen from and wouldn't be coming home that night but when I did my house better be back to normal. I then turned my phone off.

When I woke the next morning and turned my phone on I had a heap of messages. Mostly apologising from our friends and family but my husband was saying it really wasn't that bad and I had ruined his birthday.

I'm still upset and am staying with a friend for a few days. I'm still getting messages from some people saying I was being to sensitive and I should be apologising to my husband and the uninvited guests.

AITA for walking out?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

atealein said:

NTA, some of your husband's friends stole from your home? And he accuses you for ruining it? WTF. You did nothing wrong here, OP. He needs to apologize, not you and he needs to find those people and get some justice for you and never invite them back.

OP responded:

Thank you. The uninvited guests aren't friends, we actually don't even know them. They were kind of invited by another guest (a whole different story). A couple of friends went and got most of the missing items back but I'm still pissed. Like who TF goes into someones bedroom and is like "oh free stuff"?

Kukka63 said:

NTA, good for you 😊 the situation warranted for your husband to support you instead of asking you to apologise. Full respect for you not to cave in and just go along with the party. I would have gone absolutely nuts if someone would have ransacked my bedroom and stole my stuff.

OP responded:

Thank you. I'm a typical red head with a red heads temper. I actually had to stop myself from fully losing it but I didn't want to come up against drunk men I don't know when everyone else was intoxicated

many_hobbies_gal said:

NTA, it was kind of invited family and friends to apologize but your husband's behavior crosses the line, for his birthday he needs to hire a cleaning service and replace what had been stolen from you...in addition to a large bouquet of flowers and a spa day.

OP responded:

Some of our friends went in yesterday (it's Monday night here now) and cleaned up while a couple of other friends went and got most of the missing items back but I'm still pissed

Fatherofthecentury13 said:

WTAF! SERIOUSLY!!!??? Oh lol OP, NTA. The fact that you're asking is making my head hurt. Why would you think you could possibly be in the wrong? Your husband should have had your back, been on your six, even. His behavior and that of the uninvited guests was appalling. Seriously, he better do something deep and meaningful to make it up to you.

And OP responded:

unfortunately I think it's the way I was bought up- husbands needs/wants always come first and you never cause a scene in front of guests which has me questioning myself.