'AITA for walking out of Friendsgiving and taking my food with me over a cruel prank?'

"AITA for leaving Friendsgiving and taking the food I made with me?"

Okay…. So I’m most definitely sure that what I did was petty but I’ve come to ask a bunch of strangers for their opinion on whether my pettiness was deserved or not.

So to start, I (29 F) have a group of friends I’ve been friends with for over a decade. I met these friends through my cousin Jocelyn (31 F) when we were in high school. Those were her friends she grew up with but she and I didn’t become close until we started working together for my uncle’s grocery store. Think small neighborhood bodega.

So we were constantly working together and eventually I started hanging out with her. I was just a sophomore and they were the cool older kids. Through the years, we all became close and that became my group of friends too. We regularly get together for parties, dinner outings, etc.

Usually if we do anything that requires a hosting spot, Jocelyn would host all the events at her house because she has the space for it more than the rest of us. The group consists of 3 other girls and 2 guys. Every year for the last few years we always have a Friendsgiving. And every year people tend to bring the same things. I usually make the turkey and maybe a side dish.

Now on to where the issue begins…. In the group chat, we were discussing dress code and who was bringing what to the event. Some years we would dress up like it was THE party of the year. Sometimes we all wore joggers lol. It would depend on how everyone was feeling. The week of the event, we all decided to wear joggers and keep it comfortable.

One of our friends is pregnant so it’s understandable she wants to dress comfortably. We ALL decided as a group to dress comfy. Come the day of the dinner, I get to the event and everyone is fairly dressed up except me. Apparently (and I found this out from the guys later) Jocelyn had texted the girls separately and said they should dress up nicely because I “always dress nice."

For some context, I do take pride in my appearance. There was a time in my life where I was dating someone who was so controlling and abusive, that I couldn’t even wear what I wanted without him saying something about it. So during that time, I would dress very muted and toned down so as not to cause issues.

After he and I split (I finally had the strength to get away) I began experimenting with my personal style and now I love being able to wear what I want and have a bit of an eccentric style.

Anyway, Jocelyn and the girls were texting about how I tend to go overboard when I dress up even casually (because I accessorize and like to do my makeup) and so they assumed I would “do too much” and they didn’t want to look bad so they all agreed to dress up.

They even texted the guys separately too. Although in the guys defense, we do have a girls only group chat that we use sometimes and we will talk about things then later relay it to the guys in the big group chat. So it’s entirely believable that we could have changed the dress code and they found out through one of the girls.

When we agreed to dressing comfy, I took that literally. I came in joggers and an old t shirt. I understand that at the end of the day, they’re just clothes but the fact that the girls went behind my back to discuss this without just bringing it up to me hurt a lot.

Apparently it only started because our pregnant friend Maria (31 F) was talking to Jocelyn about how I make her feel insecure with being able to dress nicely while she is struggling to feel confident due to her weight gain.

Maria is about 8 months along at this point but last month we went out for brunch for our one friend’s birthday and we all agreed to look nice. Maria was unhappy with the dress selections available to her since she’s so far along and that’s when she started talking to the other girls about how I tend to “do too much” in terms of the way I dress.

So this led them to assume I would dress up more than the “comfy” dress code we agreed too. When I found all of this out, I was really hurt and sad. Also angry enough that I decided to go home. But…. I’m kind of petty and I worked hard on the food I made. So I took it with me and left. Again I know it’s petty to have taken the food.

My phone was blowing up when I left. This was almost 4 days ago and I hadn’t talked to any of them since. Some of my friends have tried calling. Maria texted me and told me that I should be understanding and that she just wants to feel comfortable and confident too. But it feels like she had to drag me down in order to feel comfortable.

One of the guys said I should just be the bigger person and apologize for leaving and taking the food with me. But I still feel betrayed and like they should also apologize to me for not coming to me directly and telling me how they felt. If they really feel like I dress up too much, they could have asked me to tone it down.

But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn’t have to tone down my personal style that I worked so hard to even get to. It’s not like I wear a wedding gown to a night when we’re watching movies on the couch. I dress appropriately for whatever we do. I just take a lot of pride in my look and I make sure I look good. Whether that’s in jeans and a t shirt or in a cocktail dress.

Anyway…. I feel really bad about what I did but I don’t want to say anything until they apologize to me as well. AITA for taking the food home with me though?

Thanks in advanced for any advice!

This is what people had to say to OP:

Ok_Platypus3288 said:

They decided to intentionally make you look bad via “prank” and were conspiring behind your back. You had every right to leave and take your food. If you aren’t good enough for them as you are, neither is your food.

I’d just send in the group chat “I am deeply hurt by the group banding together to talk behind my back and craft a plan to make me look bad. I valued all our friendships and would have come to any of you personally if I had an issue with you. I never would have embarrassed you in front of the entire group. I hope you can stop and think about how it made me feel to be ganged up on by everyone.”

EliseCowry said:

NTA. The fact that they did it in a separate chat without you shows they KNEW what would happen. They very much knew that you wouldn't dress up... they banked on it. They just didn't bank on you standing up for yourself and leaving with the food. Sucks to be them.

I'd step away, as honestly I wouldn't consider any of these people your friends. Maybe acquaintances...maybe.

YogurtclosetVast3118 said:

NTJ. I would have done the same thing, given your history. These are not your friends. Unless they reach out in PERSON (forget texting) they are not sorry and they are not your friends.

Bean-phb said:

Sounds like nobody cared that you left and are feeling hurt. They are just upset you took the food. I would not consider these people friends.

OP later responded to the comments:

Thank you all for the comments!! It’s definitely given me some perspective. This is the first time something like that has happened to me in the group. I will most likely reach out to the group after Thanksgiving. But I’ll keep you all updated with what happens.