'AITA for walking out on a double date my friend set up with a woman I'd already rejected?' UPDATED

"AITA For walking out on a double date my friend set up with him, his girlfriend, and a girl I had already rejected before?"

Cast: Me (25M), Joe(26M), Jane(24F)

To give you a little background to this situation, I met Jane through Joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year.

At first Jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later Jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time I was already with someone. So the first impression I got from Jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me.

Unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of Joe's girlfriends friend group(That is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and Joe hang out a lot and I am also friends with his girlfriend, I pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month.

So first time Jane asked me out was a month after that party, I informed her I was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when I broke up with my then girlfriend, again I declined her advances and told her I was not interested.

I got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and I broke up about 2 months ago. Since then as you might have anticipated, Jane has asked me out again, I said no again.

Well that brings us to this week, Joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who (He is well aware of me having rejected Jane multiple times and the fact I am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.)

After a lot of what he calls convincing and I call whining(I had no interest in dating anytime soon) I relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his.

We agree on meeting at Joe's apartment and lo and behold Joe, His girlfriend and Jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be Jane, I honestly just got so goddamn angry I that I couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left.

I have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche I am and how terribly I hurt Jane and so on and I am just like, I literally rejected her like three times, I am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive Jane FFS so literally everyone knows it. So am I the @$$hole?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

JustLetBe said:

NTA But your friend obviously is. Setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. Not the fact that you turned around. I would honestly done the same.....

Sinjury said:

NTA. You've made your feelings more than clear to Jane and your friend as well. You had every right to leave, as you had already rejected her 3 times and still she set herself up for rejection number 4. You're not responsible for her hurt feelings at this point.

Your friend should have known better than to blindside you with a "date" with someone he knows full well you have zero interest in. Though if I might venture a guess, I'd say that the double date was 100% Jane's and your friends' girlfriends' idea, and your friend most likely just got pressured into convincing you to come.

OP responded:

Even so, he is one of my best friends, he shouldn't be screwing me over like that. Even if it was 100% their idea I still blame Joe most.

DeepSeaFacial said:

NTA. Everyone else is TA in the situation. If the roles were reversed and you were a woman and Jane was a man I'm sure NO ONE would be giving you a hard time right now..

troop2343 said:

NTA you may want to speak to your friend about it

OP:

Have been yelling about it.

[deleted] said:

NTA. You definitely made the right call by leaving. Jane is trying to force you into a relationship with her, and if you give her even the slightest implication that there may be a chance she will continue pestering you with unwanted attention.

She needed this very clear message that you are not interested in even entertaining the idea of dating her. Her feelings towards you do not entitle her to a shot with you if you aren't interested, and you already told her several times that you weren't. This is honestly really disgusting behavior on Joe and his GF's part, and they should be apologizing to you.

And JenovaCelestia said:

NTA. Definitely NTA. Jane can't take the hint that you're not interested in her and your friend and his girlfriend were trying to manipulate you into going out with her.

About two months later, he shared this wild update:

At any rate like I said, here goes. It turns out that some of the more pessimistic of you were right, Jane was being obsessive and stalkerish and it sort of all came tumbling down on her at that point.

A week or so after I made my post she decided to message me, well it came down to her not understanding why I was showing interest in her and then refused to date her(I never showed interest in her beyond basic friendliness.)

A wall of text dedicated to thrashing my previous relationships and calling them all sorts of names, specifically pointing out how I dated the "Wrong girls" and a weird rant about how everyone agreed me and her were meant to be, which just isn't the case, like I said in my previous post, there is a running joke in our friend group about how weird she is.

Now, you might think this is something that can be expected, something that just happens, an outlet for her of sorts, except, she send it from the wrong account. See, I had become internet friends with a person In the past month or two, me and her would game together, chat from time to time, you know, the usual organic internet friend situation.

And the messages concerning out "Date" were sent from this account, turns out she had literally used this alias to infiltrate my "internet" friend group and keep tabs on me of sorts? Obviously this freaked me out, I took screenshots of what she had sent me and afterwards blocked all accounts that I knew now she was using.

I followed that up by sharing everything in our friend discord and in our friend whatsapp group, so everyone could see which resulted in her being kicked from both and I later got a call from Joe full on apologetic, telling me he had no idea and he knew he shouldn't have done it but that his girlfriend was being pressured by Jane.

Turned out, Jane had literally been bitching at her for months to arrange something like this and she finally caved, again creepy stuff, I told him that I needed some time as he really screwed me over bigtime and I didn't trust him anymore as a result.

While Jane has been shunned by all friends, she still contacted me twice, once to apologize which quickly turned weird where she started talking about "Us" she seems convinced there is an us and I am interested and another time just to curse at me, both from random accounts. I am not sure where to go from here and I am still pretty shook up.

Top comments:

captain002302 said:

Whoa she's definitely a wacko dude. Definitely dodged a massive bullet. Keep all the screenshots and if required file a restraining order if it escalates.

OP:

I am keeping all stuff she sends just to be sure.

hushdrinkcoffee said:

Egads. You have a real life stalker. No fun or sarcasm intended. Make sure your home and technology are seriously locked down. People have too much time in their hands.

OP:

Not sure what I can do from here besides saving the weird shit she does and being vigilant.

Yikes. We'll keep you posted on any future updates!