'AITA for walking out on my date after he introduced his 'best friend'... his ex?'
"AITA for leaving out on my date after he introduced his 'best friend'… who turned out to be his ex?"
Imagine showing up for a first date and finding out you’re basically the third wheel to his ex. that’s exactly what happened to me last weekend and I can’t stop replaying it in my head.
I’m 26F, he’s 28M. We’ve been talking for a few weeks lots of texting, phone calls that went on until midnight, the kind of flirting that makes you feel like maybe this one is actually different. I don’t date a ton, so I was genuinely excited about this. we agreed to grab dinner and maybe a couple drinks after.
The date started off fine. he was funny, easy to talk to, and seemed even more attractive in person than in his pictures. I was thinking, okay, maybe I lucked out this time. about halfway through dinner, he casually drops, my best friend’s here, I want you to meet her real quick.
At first, I thought that was kind of cute. Like, if he’s close with his best friend, it says something good about him, right? I didn’t want to be weird about it, so I just said sure. then this girl walks up, and from the way she hugged him and slid into the seat next to him, I immediately got a weird feeling.
Within minutes, I knew something was off. she starts laughing with him about all these shared memories, little inside jokes, and then casually says, Remember back when we were together? Like, excuse me?? I asked him point blank if she was his ex, and he just nodded like it was no big deal. He even said, Yeah, but we’re just friends now. It’s not a big deal.
Except it was a big deal for me. I feel completely blindsided. If he had told me before the date, hey, my ex is also my best friend, and she might stop by, at least I could’ve made a choice about whether I was comfortable with that. instead, I was sitting there watching them share old memories while I picked at my food feeling like I was intruding on their night.
I lasted maybe 10 more minutes before I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my bag, told him I wasn’t comfortable, and left. He didn’t try to stop me. later, he texted saying I was overreacting and that I need to be mature enough to handle his female friendships.
that honestly pissed me off even more. this isn’t about him having female friends. I’ve never had a problem with that. It’s about him dropping his ex into the middle of our very first date without warning and expecting me to just go along with it. AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
OkYak7874 said:
What did I just read . I just felt awkward just thinking about it wtf ! Hell no your not the Ah this is crazy. Make sure to block Him too
OP responded:
I couldn’t believe he thought that was a normal thing to spring on a date. I blocked him already.
Anxious-Routine-5526 said:
NTA. He needs to be mature enough to give an honest lay of the relationship land ahead of time instead of ambushing/blindsiding someone into a threesome they weren't aware of. Dipping out was the best way to handle this. Block and move on. He's playing games.
OP responded:
If he’d been honest, fine , I can decide for myself. but trying to sneak his ex in mid-date? No thanks.
These-Ad-4907 said:
Oh WOW! On the very first date, his ex shows up! Did she sit down and order food? I would have spoken up and asked him if he was on a date with me or her.
nsgkomikazie said:
A first date should be about building a connection between the two of you, not sitting there while he reminisces with his ex. He should’ve given you a heads-up at the very least. walking out was the right move.
OP responded:
Yeah, that’s exactly it. I get that people can stay friends with their ex, but dropping her into our first date with no warning was just rude. I wasn’t about to sit there playing third wheel.
somethingfrozen333 said:
Thank god you found out early! That’s a whole lot of future pain you just noped out of. Do not let him gaslight you into thinking you did anything wrong. He’s a jerk.
honeybun-nana said:
NTA. i cant stand people like this framing it as if the issue is the opposite gendered friendship. Just wish him good luck finding someone okay with that ridiculous situation and i hope you find a better person to date