'AITA for walking my sister down the aisle?' 'I wouldn't do it for the girl my parents adopted.'
"AITA for walking my sister down the aisle and saying I wouldn't do it for the girl my parents adopted?"
My parents were best friends with a couple named Ben and Kathy. They had a daughter who was a year younger than me. Growing up she was horrible, especially to me. She'd steal my stuff and she'd embarrass me in school and bully me. In middle school she passed around an embarrassing photo of me as a toddler.
She told everyone how I went the bed until I was 8 (turned out it was an undiagnosed kidney condition). She also tried to make me out to be a creep who was spying on girls. Wasn't true. It turned out to be her boyfriend at the time. But she said she saw me when some of the girls complained about feeling eyes on them.
Ben and Kathy died when she was 15 and my parents adopted her and finished raising her. My sister and I were so angry at them. They knew what she was like but they said she was family and they'd promised her parents and we should love and be there for her.
After the death of her parents and my parents adopted her, she changed and suddenly wanted to be close to my sister and me. But we wanted nothing to do with her. Our parents put us in therapy and punished us for ignoring her. But we were angry with them too and went low contact when we went to college. My sister is 2 years younger than me.
We're still very low contact. My sister got married a few weeks ago, didn't invite our parents or this girl and I walked her down the aisle. At a family party at the weekend it was talked about. Our (extended) family found it sweet.
Then the girl said something about doing it for "both sisters" and I said no way would I ever do it for her. She looked hurt and my parents told me I was the one who couldn't let a child grow up and change how she was. I said she tried to get me in BIG trouble with that spying on the girls.
I said that stuff can ruin people. I also told them they chose someone who was never family over their actual kids. My sister backed me up. They said I didn't have to act like it was outrageous that I'd walk this girl down the aisle too and they said she's my sister whether I like it or not. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Hawaiianstylin808 said:
NTA. Stop engaging with all of them for peace of mind. Stop trying to explain. Answer ends at NO.
ritan7471 said:
NTA. Why would you walk her down the aisle when she has her adopted father to do it anyway? Your sister's situation is completely different because she didn't feel her own father should do it because of the fact that he was there for his adopted daughter instead of for her? It is clear that neither of you want anything to do with any of them so why on earth would you do it for the "other sister?"
DaniCapsFan said:
She may be your adopted sister, but she's also your bully, and that outweighs any familial relationship. Do your parents not care how this girl treated you? Sure people can change, but scars from bullying never go away. Your adopted sister is going to have to live with the guilt and accept that you want nothing to do with her.
The person walking down the aisle chooses who accompanies them. But one can also decline to do so. Stay LC with your parents and adoptive sister. Actions have consequences. NTA.
shammy_dammy said:
There is no "both sisters." There is only one sister. NTA.
londomollaribab5 said:
Despite all the horrible things the girl did, if I were you I would be even more angry at your parents. No matter what you said to them they refused to hear you. Go NC with all three of them and bask in the peace. NTA.
BigBossSoldTheWorld said:
NTA. It's understandable why you wouldn't want to walk your adopted sister down the aisle. She caused you a lot of pain and trauma in the past, and it's not unreasonable to still be upset about it. You're not obligated to forgive her or to pretend that everything is okay