'I am considering breaking up with my BF after he humiliated me in public. AITA?' UPDATED

"My (26F) boyfriend (26M) humiliated me in public. And after 3 years together I want to call it quits."

Love the show, and the community here that’s grown from it, so I hope posting here will give me some perspective. Also, sorry for such a long post. Some context was needed to properly understand the situation.

Some context: my boyfriend and I are from two very far ends of the country. We did long distance for about 2 years before finally moving in together. We moved in together in a state somewhat in the middle of the two states where we’re from. So things are more neutral. But he also travels for work, so we really only see each other once every two/three months still. Every Christmas we take turns for whose family we visit.

Myself (26F), my boyfriend (26M), and my sister (22F) all went to an amusement park yesterday as part of some festivities we’d be doing while we’re out here visiting my family. I told him in advance that since we hardly ever get to go to this place (it’s been 8 years for my sister and I since we’ve been) that we’d be doing an all-dayer.

Wake up at 6 to get there when the park opens, and staying til it closes so we can get to ride most of our favorite rides. Things were going well til the evening. He noticeably started getting tired and disengaged with wanting to ride anymore rides. The crowds started getting more hectic and at one point we got a little separated til we found each other again at the next ride we were supposed to go on.

When we did meet again there, he’s screaming and cussing about how “we’re not coming back into this park anymore” and that “he’s done and over this night.” I tell him straight up that that’s not happening and we ARE going to come back. And that we could find a place to sit and chill for a bit.

But that he’s not ruining the night because he has a low patience level. Now could I have said those things a bit more nicely? Absolutely. Instead of coming back at him with empathy and calmness, I matched his negative energy.

The whole rest of the night he was a complete buzz kill. Going along with us on all the rides, but complaining about lines, about how lame the rides were, that he’d need more alcohol in order to survive the boring day/night, etc. He finally snapped when we were trying to make it to the last event of the night, this is where the humiliation takes place.

He screams LOUD (to the point where people nearby are turning heads at the commotion) that I’m a shitty, half ass, selfish girlfriend that doesn’t care about his feelings or about what he says. He said that he’d tried to tell me how he felt (he never said the words “I’m tired I’d like to take a break”) but that I dismissed him. He went on about all the sacrifices he has made for our relationship.

According to him, it’s the following: his friends, his family, his home, his fun (when we’re out at a club and I’m tired, he leaves no matter how much fun he’s having), his work, his money, and more.

All of this not only happens in front of all these strangers at the park, but also in front of my sister. Who he apologized to for having to witness that. But says everything is my fault. Then he takes an Uber and leaves us. Threatening that he may or may not be at the hotel when I finish my night. And texting me after he’d left that he was so “hurt” and “broken” because of what I did.

I simply wanted a day that I could hang out with some people I love, get to act like a kid again at an amusement park, and get to feel more in the Christmas spirit with all the decorations/events going on.

He completely ruined the day after that, and now I’m contemplating breaking up with him once we get back to our apartment, because I know for a fact that had we barely started dating and he did this to me, we for sure would be done. But after 3 years I’m contemplating because of how long we’ve been together.

I know I am in part of the wrong for not taking more time to have him rest, but I also warned him about the extent of the day we were about to have. Another thing started running into my head after this:

I like to travel, and am a big planner / activity girl when I travel to new places, and he can’t keep up bc he is unhealthy (bad back issues, which he won’t see a doctor for, but instead copes with nicotine and alcohol) or bc he likes to just sleep when traveling. So I say cautiously that this would not be someone I would be able to grow old with, because he doesn’t take his health seriously.

So this is where I’d like some outsiders’ perspective. Is this humiliation completely unforgivable? Is it something we can work / talk out? What do y’all think? AITA for breaking up over this?

What do you think? Is this unforgivable? Would she be the a$$hole for breaking up over this? This is what top commenters had to say:

NotHisRealName said:

You aren't compatible. Break up.

Iwentforalongwalk said:

My husband has a lower threshold for activity than I do. When he's over it he finds a quiet place and reads until I'm done or goes back to the hotel. There's no drama. Just a different perspective for you.

yellohello1001 said:

“We ARE going to come back” 😭😭😭

IncognitoRowan said:

ESH. He could have left in a Uber at any time, why did he wait till his breaking point? Is he not an adult who can advocate for himself without a full blown public tantrum?

You could have tried to be a bit more compassionate and could have also suggested an Uber so you and your sister could hang out longer. You continued to push him past where he should have stayed. Overall neither acted like an adult who could order an Uber.

Outside of that, you spend almost no time together, and it sounds like neither of you are enjoying the time you do spend together. Be prepared for every trip for the rest of your life to go like that if you don’t break up.

Teddy_Funsisco said:

Is it accurate when he said that he leaves with you from fun places where you're not having fun? If so, then you're partly to blame for his blowup. Was he being mature? No, but it does sound like you were determined to stick to your agenda no matter how he feels. If he's willing to leave places where he's having fun but you're not, what makes it OK for you to do only what you want even when he's stopped having fun?

If you wanna break up with him over this, it's for the best so that he can find someone who will roll with him when he stops having fun the same way he did for you.

And unzunzhepp said:

I honestly think you treated him like shit and forced him to go on when he so clearly said he was done. You are yourself saying you knew he was tired of it after the separation and all you thought was me me me me, I want, I want etc. He is right in that. However, he was behaving very badly with his screaming too. You are both horrible in this situation.

She later shared this update on the situation:

Thanks for all the input y’all have given. Good and bad, it was a harsh reality check that I needed. I completely agree that I’m an @$$hole for not realizing his emotions during the day. I was selfish and committed to my own desires for the day. Especially with it being a park I haven’t been to in so long.

However, my boyfriend is a HUGE amusement park kinda guy. And after finding out that the park we were going to would be free entry (I have a fam member that works there), he was in for it. He was just as excited as I was. The communication (as many of y’all mentioned) was completely lacking on both our ends because we both misinterpreted what the definition of “all-dayer” was for each other.

For him, it’s about 5-6 hours, whereas for me it was clearly open to close. We did take many breaks throughout the day, and I did ask him if he was alright on many occasions. To which he either said yes to or that he was “done” (which I then interpreted as he wanted to leave, instead of his meaning he wanted a break).

He smiled through it, til he didn’t. And for that behavior, which many of y’all asked if it’s usual behavior for him (it isn’t), I wanted to end things. After the night ended, and I got back to the hotel and he was still there. And we had a LONG talk. Tears were shed. And we both decided we need some time away to work on things on ourselves with therapy.

Him for his anger issues and temperament, and me for my control issues and individualistic/selfish tendencies. I do still love him. And if the change and commitment to therapy (on both our ends) sticks, there may be a chance for us (despite nearly everyone here saying we aren’t compatible, much easier said when you’re not involved). Or we may figure through therapy that we’re better apart. Only time will tell.